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Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth...

I spent my early years honing my deception skills at school.  Up to the age of 12, I spent a lot of time faking life threatening asthma attacks, and I also made up a "woe is me" style story that my parents were getting a divorce - all so I could get out of sport that afternoon.  In a town of less than 1,000 people, you can imagine how quickly that one spread (totally false, by the way).

On the odd occasion I actually obtained a legitimate sick-note to get out of sport, I couldn't leave it at that - I'd take the note out of the envelope and write on the bottom "P.S. Georgia really needs to eat cough lollies in class all day too."  Because when you're 8 and you've got a sick-note for a sprained ankle, you might as well go for broke.

I'm nowhere near as bad now that I'm a mature (ho ho) adult with a family.

Like most families, mine is on a budget.  I do tend to make the odd (regular) purchase on the rare (daily) occasion that I'm at the shops - but only if it is critically important (or on sale...sort of).  When hubby gets home, looks at me and asks if I've only just bought my outfit, naturally I feign disappointment / hurt / disgust / shock / a combination of all of these, and say "of course not, you just never noticed it before...thanks a lot".

This is followed by a stand-off come stare-off, where hubby tries to read if I'm lying, and I try and hold my hurt and wounded expression in a manner that would make the cast of The Bold And The Beautiful proud.

Miss5 often backs me up here (possibly due to the Babycino I've bribed her with on the way home).  With the sweet and innocent Miss5 standing by my side, hands on hips, indignant that Daddy would even ask Mummy such a question, she gives me enough credibility to get me over the line with her Father.

Works like a charm, although probably not for much longer, depending on when Hubby gets around to reading this post.  So I do hope you're all appreciative of the huge personal sacrifice I'm making for your literary entertainment, by dobbing myself in.

Now it's Miss5's turn, and true to her DNA, she has started making up her own version of the truth.  She's doing that thing all kids do where they ask one parent for something and are told no, so they go to the other parent and say "Mummy/Daddy said I could."

If anything breaks, spills, gets left out or's never's always the twins.  Regardless of if they are awake or even at home at the time of the incident.

Miss5 is already stepping it up a notch with her own credibility-backer.  Now I'm being told that her teacher told her she could have ice-cream half an hour before dinner.  Or when Miss5 was caught out in my secret chocolate stash (slight relief that I haven't been eating all that chocolate so quickly on my own), she very solemly advised me she didn't really want it, but Sharlene told her to eat it....Sharlene being her stuffed toy Emu.

This brings me to today, the reason for this Post......

Miss5 came up to me, patted me on the head, and said.... "it's okay Mummy, don't be angry" (always a promising start...)  "it's lipstick everywhere but Daddy just wanted to try your make up."  Said with bright red smeared all over her face, hands, clothes, and also my desk and the lounge chair she's leaning on.

Daddy, the alleged culprit, is a 2 hour drive away, seeing a client.  So I'm guessing she's just learnt to pin it on the person not there to dispute her claims.  But  I will keep an eye on him just in case he is turning into a cross-dressing make-up thief.

Hard to be angry when the child is 100% a product of the mother...


  1. I love it! Julia (Miss Four) has several invisible friends including Mario, Luigi and some bugs. Invariably when confronted with something, she will blame it on one or all of them. For example: "Why are you still awake at 10 o'clock at night?" "My bug friends wouldn't stop singing and kept me awake". ~ Christine

  2. Classic! Does Miss4 have older siblings? I'm thinking Mario & Luigi are from Mario Bros games, right? I love that kids so young can't grasp the concept of reading, writing, tying their shoelaces - but stretching the truth, they're all over it!

  3. Miss 4 is an only child, so she has no-one else to blame things on - although she has tried blaming Dad a few times :) ~ Christine

  4. HA I dont even have kids and I think your blog is hillarious! You have a very quick witt and great writing style!
    Emma :)

  5. Thanks Emma, really appreciate the feedback (especially the positive stuff) - if nothing else I can serve as birth control!

  6. Seagull comes up to me sometimes and says "I'm sorry" in the sweetest 2 year old voice. Of course then, I usually wonder what he's gotten into or knocked over and go hunting. Usually he's spilled some water on the kitchen floor or something. I always think to myself that I can't be angry when he's given me such a sweet apology.

  7. Thanks Emma, really appreciate the feedback (especially the positive stuff) - if nothing else I can serve as birth control!

  8. HA I dont even have kids and I think your blog is hillarious! You have a very quick witt and great writing style!
    Emma :)


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