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Sunday, December 19, 2010

What must the neighbours think?!

I live in a townhouse.  Not in a trendy inner-city way.  In a can't afford my own family home so still living on the parents' coat tails way.  My brother lives in the townhouse in front of me (except he actually did move out of home, and he owns his).

Originally, it was one of the only townhouses on the street.  Large blocks with older houses and large back yards meant plenty of distance between me and the neighbours.  Over the past 5-10 years that's all changed, and houses have gone down, units and townhouses have gone up.  Right on the fence line.

I have a neighbour over my back fence who you wouldn't know was ever home.  He never makes any noise.  Except when his girlfriend comes to stay, and does her very best B Grade porn star impersonation.  To say she has a unique "moan" is an understatement.  We've had different house guests who have all wanted to call the police, because she sounds more like someone being murdered than someone in the throes of passion.  She goes on and on, at the top of her lungs, continuously (and ladies, I do mean CONTINUOUSLY) for up to an hour and a half, and only ever between the hours of midnight and 5am.  Often, they finally finish their marathon only to start again an hour or two later.  She is so incredibly loud that I can clearly hear her through the closed windows, over the airconditioner, the TV, and often whatever dream I'm having about me and Brad Pitt joining families and getting rid of our spouses (sorry Dear, but he does handle double the kids you do, so he's got you beaten on that aspect alone).

On one side there's a house with 3 kids.  Nice family.  Their Miss10-ish daughter tolerates my Miss5 passively stalking her via the upstairs bedroom window whenever they are in their back yard, and even says hello from time to time.  They have what sounds like the father of the year, as I've never heard him raise his voice, and he seems very involved and genuinely interested in his kids, from what I hear over the fence / down the driveway.

To the other side is a unit with a retired couple.  I've only met the husband a couple of times, but he seems very nice and they are the perfect quiet neighbours.

At the rear, there are also units on each corner.  Apart from the odd party and dog barking, they are also great neighbours.

At the front of my own block,  there is a really lovely lady who makes the rest of us look good with her superb gardening.  She is incredibly nice, and I dread her ever leaving because I don't think there could be a better neighbour (she swears she never hears a peep out of my kids, but I'm fairly sure that's a lie, and I like her all the more for avoiding the awkward embarrassment it'd cause me if she was honest about it).

All very nice, respectable, quiet neighbours.

They, in return, all have me and my feral brood as their neighbours.

I cringe when I walk down the driveway to get the mail, and usually try and do it after dark so I don't have to worry about making eye contact with a neighbour.  I zip in and out of the driveway to avoid having to dispense any embarassed and apologetic smiles.  When I take the kids out by foot, I make Miss5 run alongside the pram until we are out of our street.

While I don't run a drug house, whore house, party house - I have 3 kids in a small confined space.  3 very loud, boisterous, mouthy kids.

Mstr2 with the flash temper tantrums raging at any given time (and regularly, at that), in a high girly man voice that could quite easily shatter glass.  Miss2 ranting and raving and intimidating all inanimate objects she thinks are challenging her or staring her down (mostly the chairs, she seems to have it in for them).  Miss5 who seems to be into impersonating animals lately - with a cross between a Magpie and an Ape, which comes out as a sort of "Myah Myah" in a high pitched squeal.

In addition to this the twins are into learning new words.  Lately they have added "ooh Pooh!" to their repertoire, so they yell that out very loudly and giggle....A LOT.  Miss5 is into the naughty words, so she thinks it's hilarious to jump on her trampoline, alternating her hybrid animal noise with "Mummy, I'm doing a burp out of my pooh bottom, you Mingo....hahahahahhaha".  No idea what a Mingo is.  And sincerely wish she would instead quietly say, "Mum, passing wind over here".

Then there's Hubby and I who are having to yell to be heard over the top of all of this.  The kids only shutting up at the exact point I say to Hubby, "Shit Chris, I don't know?!".

And there goes their next word  "shit shit shit shit" all in unison, all at the top of their voices.'s literally only just now dawned on me what Miss5 is actually mimicking with her "Myah myah" magpie/ape is B Grade porn star wannabe over the back fence.

You can totally see why my brother (who lives in the townhouse in front of me) threatens to electrify his front door so my kids can't get in....


  1. OMG Georgia i havent laughed so hard in ages!! just read your posts.. this is going to be a regular read for me!!!

  2. Thanks Deb, really appreciate the feedback! I'm flying solo with the 3 kids on by the time I do my next post that night (after MANY Mojito's) it should be an interesting count of our flight. Wish me luck, and hope you enjoy the rest of the posts. Thanks again for the comment!

  3. Greetings from Miami, FL!
    I'm stuck at work 6 days a week and this is literally all I do :D Love all of your posts! you keep me sane enough to deal with my customers :)



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