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Sunday, February 6, 2011

That Special Twin Bond

Question for any of you who is a twin or has twins...

At what point does the famed twin bond kick in?  Because I've heard a lot about it, and I've watched and waited with Miss2 and Mstr2.

Instead, here is a typical day with the terrible twosome...

9am they wake up (sorry, had to rub that whole 9AM thing in, again).  I am usually alerted by Miss2 yelling "bad...bad" at her brother.  Kind of a muffled reprimanding, as she's saying it through at least 2 dummy's shoved in her mouth.  This is because she took a liking to the dummy at the age of 1 and a bit, in order to give her brother the shits.  He is very much attached to his one single dummy (one that is no longer manufactured - so when I say ONE SINGLE DUMMY, I really mean ONE SINGLE DUMMY - if it is ever lost or broken, I'm moving out).  She likes to flaunt her multiple selection of pacifiers at him at every opportunity.  Literally, from the moment they wake up.

Since Miss2 doesn't suffer from Dummy Discrimination like her brother does, she will gladly hoard any dummy she can get her hands on.  Often those I'm not sure belong to our household.  She especially covets her brothers - like I said, to give him the shits.  If she manages to get his, he goes postal on her.  I'm talking one of Mstr2's infamous full-blown girly-man tanties.  Complete with flapping arms, bouncing on tippy toes, glowing red head and sound barrier shattering screaching.  Even after I return THE beloved dummy to him, his indignation lasts for a good 30 minutes.  I know this, because I have timed it.  Probably should've intervened earlier, or perhaps tried to placate and console him rather than timing it.  But anyway.

So breakfast (like all other meals) goes with the twins covertly snatching their preferred food from the selection on the other twin's plate - before even consuming their own identical meal.  It's like a combat zone.  The least favoured food is lined up on the outside of the plate, guarding the prized favourite in the middle.  Miss2 is a pro with a fork, and will spear your hand if you get in the way of her and...well, actually, any food at all.  Mstr2 just has a complete fit if you covet his banana.  And that's not speaking metaphorically.

Miss2 then rules the toy room.  I call it that because it's covered in a mess of toys.  It's not technically a toy room, but I never get around to cleaning the toys out of it, so therefore it is a justified mess by labelling it a toy room.  She rules ALL toys like a true tyrant - through fear and intimidation - stalking around the room in a circle yelling random words at whichever toy looks like it's about to make a bid for freedom.

Mstr2 sits in the corner, back to the wall (smart little dude, it's where I'd be too), rocking back and forth and frowning fretfully at her.  As soon as she settles down to torture/play with any given toy - he is there.  He catapults out of the corner like a missile and snatches her toy.  A bit of chasey ensues until one or both trip over themselves (they inherited Mummy's co-ordination).  Then there's a bit of wrestling that would surely get them a gig with the WWE / WWF / WCW / WWWhatevertheycallthemselvesthesedays.  Miss2 is a body slammer, and Mstr2 is a scratcher and elbower.

Eventually Miss2 wins, and runs off with an evil and victorious "ha ha ha".  Mstr2 lets rip with a wailing semi-tanty.  It's only a semi-tanty because he's eyeing the room at the same time, looking for back up from Me or Miss5 (in her Miss25 way she usually likes to step in and berate them both in a manner I'm assuming mimicks her Teacher - because it's way too calm and nice to be copying my discipline style).  Failing back up, he looks for any of Miss2's favoured toys to kidnap and hold for ransom.

This goes on all day.  Every day.  There is very little love - lost or shared - between these two.  On the very odd occasion they forget they are siblings, they will share a giggle over some private joke.  Usually when they're drawing over something of mine.

In fact, the only time they normally come together with a show of twin unity / twin power - is when they launch an attack on Miss5.  They usually corner her on the trampoline.  I'm a vigilant parent who has one of those trampolines with the netting around it - because I can guarantee I'll forget they're on something that could potentially hurt them, and will walk away to answer the phone, read the paper, check the the netting is like my parental back up.

So while one twin is blocking the exit from the netting, the other goes in for the kill with a quick elbow as they bounce close to her, or a scratch, or yanking out a few strands of hair.  Then, when they get her on the floor of the trampoline, they go for the kill with a bit of double-bouncing, and the odd "misplaced" foot bouncing too close and actually touching her (and I do mean JUST touching her.  She goes nuts more when they only lightly touch her than if they are full blown attacking her.  No idea why.  Think it's the disgusted Miss25 in her that is outraged they would dare to touch her).

I do step in, but I have to admit - it does tug at the heart strings to see them working together.  To hear them laughing in shared delight.  But Miss5's screaming and wailing drowns that out eventually, and I have to make it stop before someone draws blood.

Lunch time, afternoon - exactly the same as the morning.

Bath time and it's kind of a 'survival of the fittest' situation.  Miss2 lays down to splash, and Mstr2 bunches up in the corner "ergh...ergh...ergh"ing at her.  They can no longer have toys in the bath, as they were bashing each other with them, and I swear I caught Miss2 trying to drown Mstr2 by pouring water all over his face with any toy that would hold water.  But he was mid-tanty, and I totally get that she just wanted the noise to stop.

Nap time and they throw everything in their cots at each other.  Miss2 has almost worked out how to pull her mattress up and throw that at him.  She is, no doubt, strong enough to throw it too.

And so on and so on when they wake up, until they go to bed.

So you can understand why I'm putting the question out there to anyone more experienced with twins than me -

Is the twin bond real?  And when will it bloody well kick in?!


  1. I am trying not to laugh out loud but I am! You are just too funny! I have heard about these special twin bond things coz my ex colleagues were identical twins and they wer FREAKY!

  2. I am trying not to laugh out loud but I am! You are just too funny! I have heard about these special twin bond things coz my ex colleagues were identical twins and they wer FREAKY!


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