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Monday, May 30, 2011

Home Care Horror Monday : Inauguration

Welcome back.  If you've been playing along at home, you'll know that Monday's are now dedicated to the holy grail of domestic piss taking fodder : Home Care catalogues.

I feel that I should send the creators a fruit basket as a sign of my gratitude and appreciation for providing me with many a blog post worth of material.  But, they would probably have trouble working out which fab multi-tool to use on the fruit.  So, best not.

I've decided to rate these idiotic contraptions on a scale of 1 - 5 :

     1 - Just doesn't quite make the grade.  There may be some merit in the fundamental
     idea or concept, but there is a reason this item is not being sold in supermarkets or
     department stores, or wherever the item would fit if it were remotely successful.

     2 - Pretty dumb.  But, I can possibly see how the creator may have thought it was
     worth a shot in these days of blanket-clothing and hats that hold beer cans.  In fact,
     the creator is probably a mega fan of these things.

     3 - Impressively stupid.  Can't quite work out why it isn't collecting dust somewhere
     in the back of a $2 shop.

     4 - Stupidly stupid.  Not sure how this got past the testing phase.

     5 - Beyond moronic.  The money spent creating this item should've been put towards
     a padded room for its creator.

On to this week's notable mentions :

Portable Chilled Condiment Caddy  $29.90

Not just a perspex box, not just a place to decant all your condiments (which you will never use all of, and will then have to make the mega decision on whether to toss the rest or re-cant them back to their intelligent, completely appropriate - but nevertheless shunned in favour of perspex - original glass jars).

Can anyone say TUPPERWARE?


This is something I expect to see at garage sales and church fete's.  It will never sell.  It's probably not even biodegradable.  When the world implodes (whenever the next Rapture is supposed to be), cockroaches and portable chilled condiment caddies will be the only things remaining, roaming the barren earth.  

Which would actually be quite a plus for the cockroach, as these things are the ideal size for their homes.  It's like a set of 5 cockroach condo's on ice.  

I should patent that one right now, for when the time comes.

Home Care horror rating : 4/5


It pairs perfectly with my next item of stupour :

Inflatable Cooling Buffet  $24.90

I apologise for the crap picture quality.  You see, even the good folk at Home Care show very little faith in this product, and don't have a piccy online for me to use.  I had to google it - and you'd be amazed at how many are out there - and take the largest image I could find.  Hence the grainy quality.

Anyway.  Really?  Colour me confused.  A kids' wading pool costs around $10.  Granted, it is round in shape and not rectangular like this contraption.  But, if you're going to be impressed by the inflatable cooling buffet, surely you would be equally impressed if you could get one that was ROUND in shape - and may even sport a frog's eyes and mouth, or a shade, or come in a ladybird pattern - like kids' wading pools do.  Which, I expect, would have the same ice retention reliability as this sucker.

Home Care horror rating : 4/5

In keeping with the food presentation/storage theme of today's inaugural Home Care Horror Monday, today's final item :

Biscuit Holder  $7.90 for a set of two

Okay, so it may not be outrageously stupid.  But - how is this different to a spaghetti holder, or any other item of tupperware / plastic food storage that is capable of holding biscuits?

And what, God forbid, are you meant to do if your biscuits are rectangular or square? Gasp, shock horror.

Clearly, this is just re-branding of a stock standard spaghetti holder.  Because it probably didn't sell as a spaghetti holder.  Really, in whose house does an open packet of biscuits even last long enough to warrant one of these?  Certainly not in my house.

Home Care horror rating : 1/5

And that, good people of the interverse, wraps up the very first issue of Home Care Horror Monday.  I've been through my latest catalogue and strategically placed many a post-it-note.  At this stage, I have at least another 2-3 months worth of sarcastic fuel.

Next week, I'm going to be focussing on drinking devices.  No, I do not mean cups and glasses.  Because, at Home Care, it extends well beyond such stock standard and boringly average vessels.


  1. Great start - I wouldn't let Tupperware get their mitts on the biscuit holder thing - it will end up in their catalogue costing $39.95!!!

  2. Hurrah! Monday mornings are now considerably more pleasant :) I've carefully considered all of these items, and I'm proud to say I don't wish to purchase any of them. Although as a regular consumer of round biscuits, I did think extra hard about the biscuit tube :D

  3. Yes, I'll take two of the floating thinga-ma-bobbys, please. They'll work perfectly for my cheese and crackers and bottle of bubbly during my bath times (of which I don't get to indulge in, anymore).
    Loving this series!! ;)

  4. is Homecare an advertisment for 101 reasons to buy Tupperware?
    me: Im Team Tupperware.

  5. he he! i've seen most of these products and had the exact same thoughts s you about them! who needs them and more importantly does anyone really buy this stuff???
    very funny post!

  6. Bahahahahahahaha!!!
    Another hilarious blog post!  (I'd love one of these for 'The Billboard.')

  7. I assume they think that biscuits would last a long time if you have them in a holder. Me, I'm lucky if they last an hour!!


  8. I just had to say that while checking the job ads in the paper today, I saw a job ad for Home Care catalouge distributors. Uh, no. I'm not that desperate for money, thanks. :)

  9. Indeed - but with a lifetime warranty.  At least you know you'd never have to want for a round biscuit holder ever again...

  10. That was the item that got the most respect from me also.  But, we are a Tim Tam household (adults) and wafer's (kids).  We are committed rectangular biscuit consumers.  It just wouldn't work out for us...unless we were to nibble all biscuits and wafers to a rounded shape prior to decanting them into the container.  There's a thought.  As long as I'm the one who gets to do the biscuit nibbling/shaping.

  11. Ohhh you're on to something there.  I never thought of that!

  12. Tupperware has a much more respectable ring to it.  If I ever buy this stuff, I will claim I got it from Tupperware.

  13. My mother does!  Told her I'd rather she blew my inheritance at the casino than on this crap.

  14. Going to email you with your 'theme' choices for The Billboard post.

  15. Same in our house.  I wouldn't have enough time to dive into the plastics/food storage/general crap cupboard to find both the biscuit holder AND the lid before the entire packet had been consumed by my family.

  16. I kind of feel sorry for my local distributor.  Pleasant guy, never angry when I claim I left my catalogue out for collection but it seems to have gone missing.  If I ever win lotto, I'm going to hire him to distribute my "suck it losers, I won!  In your face!" catalogue to all the haters who resent my win.

  17. Nice post. I learn something totally new and challenging on sites I stumbleupon every day.home care agencies in atlantas.


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