It's come to my attention - via one of those mind-blowingly inane realisations - that my days can be measured by the type/quality of junk mail catalogue I receive on any given day.
Kind of like how people rate their day via their daily horoscope. Mine can be rated, judged, assessed based on whether I'm flicking through Target, Best & Less, Avon, Woolworths etc from my daily collection of junk mail.
On a good day, I'm reading a Myer or David Jones catalogue. Scanning the elegant display living rooms. Picturing how the coffee table worth more than my monthly mortgage payment would look in the middle of my own living room. Perched atop the stained rug. Alongside the plastic multi-coloured baby safety gates. Scattered with grubby toddler hand prints, half eaten food, and many toys in various states of disrepair. That image takes a bit of work.
On a great day, it's the Ikea catalogue - with a sale on the Swedish meatballs and kids meals. You can smell my rubber as I squeal out of the driveway with the kids in tow for that one.
On an average day it's all business - Woolworths, Coles, any other grocery catalogue. Kind of a 'let's get down to business' sort of day, where I do the usual chores and tasks, without much fuss or drama.
But, some days, I get this :
This stuff is gold. Unfortunately, the cover of my latest special delivery is quite lame. It totally belies the comedic gold that is within. But I would like to draw your attention to the thong coasters, bottom right. They can be yours for a mere $9.90 for a set of 4. Mind blowing stuff, right?
I have days where I'm a thong coaster. Not to say that I coast around in my dental floss undies. More that I feel like a cheap and nasty inappropriate substitute for a housewife. On the days where I consider 2 minute noodles a balaced meal because it's got carbohydrates for energy and a few minuscule dots of dehydrated reconstituted non-organic carrot and peas that will plump up to semi-impressive proportions once the hot water does its thing.
This catalogue is so awesome, it sets my sarcasm radar so aflutter when I find it on my doorstep every few months, that I feel I can't adequately take the piss in one single blog post. There's just too much fodder within the 99 pages.
So, I am now dedicating Monday's to Home Care catalogues.
Yep, until I've adequately pulled the piss out of the various household gadgets that no household really wants or needs, you will find a post every Monday dedicated to these items. In all their un-awesomeness.
Because Monday's are a bit sucky - whether you're off to work for yet another week, or off to join the dodge 'em car school run for another week. Surely you can afford yourself 5 minutes to read along and enjoy the irony of these creations.
So...until Monday...stay tuned with bated breath (and there are a few products that can help with that), as I unveil my first
Home Care Horror Monday
FYI - Today I'm having one of those days where I can totally see the merit in a thong coaster. I'm easily amused today, and seriously considering whipping out the credit card to order me a set. If only it came with an optional additional set of matching miniature beach towels for mopping up the condensation on the outside of your wine glass.