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Monday, June 6, 2011

Home Care Horror Monday : Part 2

This week is dedicated to drinking.  Big shock, I know.  Can I just say, I am a total expert on this front.  So my opinions, this week, are well and truly researched.  And I will continue to research drinking purely for the purpose of being a dedicated researcher.  Wonder if I can get a Doctorate in this?  Nobel prize?  Another Merit Certificate?

First up this week : 

Mug with Spoon  Was $10.90 - marked down to $9.90

Oh my stars.  Some genius took time out of seeking a cure to all sorts of nasty diseases, to create this bad boy.  Nursing homes the world over are swooning at the concept.  Imagine, having your very own spoon that partners perfectly with your garishly decorated mug.   And fear not about losing your personal mug-specific spoon, because it actually sits in its purpose built, custom made holder, right there in the handle.

Wonder how many spillages occur because you can't hold the bastard handle on account of the stupid spoon sticking up through the middle of it?

Home Care horror rating : 3/5

 Following that little ripper, we have :

Happy Birthday Mug with glowing candle feature  $14.90

So a Happy Birthday mug in itself is nothing overly garish.  Granted.  But, this baby is super special.

Why, you ask?

If you cast your eyes to the pic on the right, you will see that I have helpfully pointed out the super special uniqueness of this particular birthday mug.  When it is full, the candles magically glow.  Which is to say, they appear to be coloured.  They do not glow electronically.  There is no Happy Birthday to you anthem playing.  When the mug is empty or filled with a cold drink, then it reverts to plain candles.  No "glowing".

So, if this product appeals to you, please take note - you will be able to marvel at the "glowing" candles for all of 30 seconds.  Until your beverage is no longer hot enough, or until you take a few sips and the liquid is below the magical candle-glowing line.

For real.  I wonder if they have to order these on consignment, or if they can order as someone is fooled into purchasing one?  I wonder if anyone actually has a warehouse full of these, because they truly believe they will sell like hot cakes.  Or, like hot tea.....boom boom.

Home Care horror rating : 3/5

I'm going to finish off this week with the mother of all dumbass idiotic drinking vessels.  Far more stuperific than the beer can holding hat with straws, I shit you not.

It is with much snorty and terribly un-ladylike choking laughter that I present to you :

Bottled Beer Glass  $19.90
That's right folks, for around $20 you too can choose to pour your beer out of a glass bottle, into a glass that is shaped like a bottle.  No, really.  If you think beer tastes better in glass, then by all means, you must get yourself one of these glasses so you can drink your beer from glass.  Because this is the only single way that beer can be consumed from a glass vessel of any sort.  Apparently.

I am assuming that these are special super powered beer glasses.  Far superior to your regular garden variety glass.  Or any beer mug, stein, jug, glass or bottle.  All also made from glass.  But, obviously not this special super powered glass.

I can honestly say that, throughout my many years of extensive research, I have never seen one of these.  Ever.

But seriously, if you're dopey enough to buy one of these - and then use it in the presence of any other living, breathing being - I will smash the base off your regular beer bottles for you, and you can drink from those.  For the same price of $19.90 - that is per beer, by the way.  Because, if you are dumb enough to get one of these, you will be dumb enough to happily pay me $19.90 per beer.

Home Care horror rating : 5/5


I could not make this shit up if I tried.

 Next week, well where can you go from here?  I'm thinking I'll keep with the food & beverage theme for now, and perhaps the kitsch-tastic salt and pepper shaker collection in one single issue of this clinically wrong catalogue.


  1. $20? Some idiot somewhere is making a heck of a lot of money, while I try and think of intelligent ways to make money. Ha!

  2. Freakin hilarious as always! x


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