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Friday, June 10, 2011

Miss5's Fashion Faux Pas

And so it starts.

Way too early, in my opinion.

Miss5 has started refusing clothing.  Nothing new in itself.  Except, now it's on account of what other girls are wearing. 

I know it's completely irrational and O.T.T - but my response is dread, sadness, horror, fear, gut churning stuff.  She is only 5, and already the image-conscious peer-pressure fashion conformity stuff has started!

All over this....

Skort - Skirt at the front, shorts underneath


Standard issue school tracksuit pants

Miss5 refuses to wear anything but skorts to school.  The incredibly fashion-challenged, practical yet hideous, skorts.

I've tried to explain that her preferred 'skorts' are in fact pants.  But she calls them a skirt and in her world she's never wrong - despite how often I take the bait and try and convince her otherwise.  Which only ends up with me in desperate need of wine and/or sedatives, and searching for a clock to see if it's too early for either/both.

To put this epic disagreement into perspective - this is a girl who is currently wandering around the house at 7:05pm in a high visibility Road Workers' vest :

I'm teaching her The YMCA, so she doesn't look quite so odd in this.

Please note, the shoes are sparkly and glittery (which doesn't show up on the dodgy laptop webcam pic).  Because that's what she teams with a tiered multi-coloured skirt and a high vis safety vest.

So, to say that her taste is a bit flawed (and her internal thermometer - as it is currently about 14 Degrees Celsius and this is what she's wearing) is like the mother of all understatements.

She clearly listens to her mother only when I don't want her to, not when she should.  Because when I asked her why she was dressed like that, her response was "because that's how I roll, Mum".  I shit you not.  Something I regularly say to #1 Hubby when he questions me on stuff, because I know it shits him.

You reap what you sow, karma coming back to bite me in the ass - yeah I know, all of that stuff.

Her bestest buddies at school wear the school skirt, dress or skorts, and so does she.  With the onset of winter and the plummeting temperatures, her mates have started to wear the mother of all comfort-wear (besides the Snuggie), tracksuit pants.

But not Miss5.  Because one single friend is still wearing her dress, so will she.

Recently, that friend switched to tracksuit pants.

But not Miss5.  Because she is allergic.  That was her deadly serious reasoning.  Shades of her mother again, this time in creating fake medical conditions to get out of something school related (refer to my admission that I suffered many chronic, serious - but ultimately fake - asthma attacks in Primary School, just to get out of anything requiring a sports uniform).

I've tried everything to convince Miss5 to wear the damn tracksuit pants:

  • 3 styles of tracksuit pants.  Tight, loose, button up, elastic waist, bootleg, straight leg.  Every freaking style imaginable.  I even offered to bedazzle them with her name, just to get her to wear them.
  • Scaring her with tales of horror colds and influenza, complete with gory details of green snot monsters.  All highly likely in the current climate, with her naked legs sticking out and covered in goose bumps from the cold she claims not to feel (except for on her arms, as she grabs her school jacket).
  • Threatening her that she won't be allowed to go to school unless she wears them.  But on further consideration, I realised that would only be punishing me.
  • Pointing out all of her friends now wearing tracksuit pants.  She points out the one single girl still in a skirt.  Until this week where they are all wearing pants and she's got no response for me.  I was most gracious, ladylike and motherly in my "Ha ha" (a la Nelson from The Simpson's).  So now the other mother's no doubt see me as both negligent (for sending Miss5 to school in Winter in skorts) and immature.  Bonus.

When I picked her up from school today, it was the last straw.  She is shivering her little goosebump clad legs off.  From the other side of the playground I swear my mother-radar could sense snot forming.

So I did what any good parent would do as a last resort.

I bribed her.

We went straight from school to the shops, with negotiations commencing the second we got in the car.

She didn't want chocolate, she didn't want a slushie.  She  didn't want Dora The Explorer yoghurt.  She didn't even want broccoli (yeah I know that one was futile, but figured I could just throw it in the mix, on the off chance she wasn't paying attention and might agree to it).

It came down to this:

Total product of her Grandfather, #1Pop, Miss5 refused all age-appropriate bribery, preferring a $1 scratchie to deign to wear the much maligned tracksuit pants for one day.
The large spearmint milk got me two more days of tracksuit pant patronage.  It took some fierce negotiating on my part, but I got 2 days for the spearmint milk since it was a large carton, not a small one.  I covered up the discount sticker with my hand, while negotiating, just so she didn't try and screw me over and demand only 1 day on account of it being on  sale and nearly out of date.
She won $5 on her scratchie

Miss5 : 0     Parental Parody  : 1


  1. Hah!  So funny.  There's nothing really wrong with bribery, it's a well worn parental trick that has stood the test of time.  I have a little boy aged five who has never in his whole life worn long trousers.  Luckily for me he doesn't get sick much, so I don't worry about him.  His older brother were renowned nudists too but at 14 and 11 they wear clothes willingly.  I myself am totally rugged up!

  2. PMSL. Next time I see Miss 5 I'm going to tell her that being cold doesn't get you a cold... you have to be exposed to the actual virus, which can happen no matter what you're wearing (other than a hazmat suit). You're welcome.

  3. I am SO hearing you! My Miss5 also has a thing for stripping down to almost nothing when it is freezing. I just don't get it. I am also starting to hear phrases 'returned' , how come they always sound logical coming out of my mouth but completely cringeworthy when you hear them back??

  4. I dunno, I think Miss5 probably scored a point in that round, too :D

  5. We have this fight regularly, except the dress (which is too short and just looks awful) is favored over the skorts. Though in Darwin we hardly need to worry about the cold!

  6. Hilarious. I think I could be BFF's with your daughter. 1/3 or women I surveyed have stringet rules about public tracksuit wearing you know...

  7. You mean to tell me I'm only two years away from this. A glimpse of what's to come. Oh, heaven help me!! LOL!!! ;)

  8. LOL, if you were to burn the skort, she'd have no option but to wear the trackpants. In saying that, I suppose that you would then have no skort for when it gets warmer again. If Seagull was a girl, I could totally see him pulling that shit on me in a few years. He's a stubborn little thing. Fortunately, I have always been able to outstubborn him so far.

  9. I have this argument with my 9 year old - he wears shorts & t-shirt almost all year round. I have got to the stage where I will tell him the weather forecast and if he wants to wear shorts/t-shirt it is HIS choice. If he's cold, I don't want to know. He's old enough to take responsibility himself. He's one of those kids who just doesn't feel the cold. His brother on the other hand doesn't take off his jumper even when it's hot! lol

  10. Oh, I feel for you! Kids are so damn fashion concious, even if they are on the wrong track! And, they don't feel cold! Our kids would get on great. He has to have Justin Biebers hair, but with a blue and green sttripe down the side, because 'no one else does.' He's flipping 6!! Uncork that wine, I'll be over after a short 24 hour flight...

  11. We have jerseys for many, and sometimes we try to match. But sometimes we get the shirt that inspire and motivate us to turn a particular, and everyone has different favorites.

    His favorite is his Kokopelli Jersey, which did not earn, just a Christmas present for two or three years ago. I am confident that Double Triple Bypass this year is even more, because a lot of training and hard work that goes 240 miles and six passes ended up in two days.


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  12. Damn Justin Bieber! Will make sure Mstr2 never watches a single film clip after hearing this.  He's already totally princessy, last thing I need is for him to start getting fussy with his hair (which is currently home hairdresser style #3 clippers).  24hrs is optimum wine-airing time. I'll try and show restraint and not down the bottle prior to your arrival.

  13. Yep we're about at the stage where Miss5 chooses all of her clothing.  I'm about at the stage where I'm going to threaten her with a Snuggie if she doesn't dress more climate-appropriate.  Only, she would probably jump at the chance to wear a Snuggie...

  14. I did outstubborn her in the end.  That and the promise of sushi meal day Friday at school if she wears the bloody tracksuit pants.  Have been warning everyone not to tell her that sushi has seaweed on the outside or I'll lose my bargaining / bribery tool when she grosses out.

  15. Oh yes... just wait for it to start.  One minute it's selecting hair clips, the next it's knickers, then finally it's clothing.  Then you're lost.  They could walk out of their room looking like Lady Gaga at any moment...

  16. Bahaha. Well I am anti-tracksuit outside my house.  I get dressed in the morning, then quickly change into "real" clothes to do the school run.  Then back into my fleecy stuff when I get home.  And again back into the "real" clothes to do the school pick up.  It's a lot of washing and a lot of wardrobe changes - but at least I don't go outdoors sporting my fleecy finery

  17. I never bought the dresses on account of them requiring ironing.  Something I don't do.  Something #1 Hubby doesn't allow me to do after that *one* time I may have accidentally singed ALL of his work clothes in 'silent protest' at having to do any ironing at all...  So the dresses are a no-go in our house, thankfully

  18. Totally.  But I'm telling myself I allowed it all to happen as it did, being the all-powerful and all-ruling parent *snort*, so therefore it's like more of an unacknowledged point ;-)

  19. Threatening with an all-covering Snuggie is my next move, should she reject the tracksuit pants again.  Join me.  If we make a united front it will seem much more serious and menacing, no?

  20. I was trying to think of an appropriate return threat for Tricky.  But then I thought, Hazmat suit - that covers the whole body - I'll take it!

  21. So far her siblings are only half nudists, or part nudists.  They rip off the bottom half of their clothing only.  Fingers crossed I can a) stop them before they go any further; and b) distract Miss5 from seeing it and thinking it'd be fun to join in. 

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