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Monday, July 11, 2011

Home Care Horror Monday : Part 7



This week we look at dumb outdoorsy shit.  I consider most outdoorsy stuff dumb, unless it involves a swim up bar and an inflatable floatation device to ensure my safety.

So anyways I’ll try and keep my yawning comments to a minimum, since there is a distinct absence of cocktails and inflatables.


Bird Scarer Owl (set of 2)  $8.90


Just lame.  Firstly, why does a bird scare another bird?  And would it scare other birds so much that they literally shat themselves?  Because I don’t want to be cleaning up no bird crap off my courtyard thank you very much.

This monstrosity would glint only in my eyes, thus blinding me.  No matter where I was sitting. Fact.  Fail.

Home Care Horror Rating  :  2/5
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Bug Zapper Racquet  $19.90

This is the first outdoory shit type item that peaked my interest ever so slightly.

We travel to Asia fairly regularly, and these things are everywhere.  What puzzles me, is that you’re not allowed to bring them back into Australia.

I think the Home Care peeps have been smuggling these bad boys in inside the Snuggie’s.

Ignoring the question of legality, how much do you just want to whack the crap out of your sibling with one of these?  Doesn’t matter how old you are.  I’d love to take to #1 Hubby or #1 Brother with one of these, on the assumption it would give them a mild shock.

Totally awesome as a minor-torture device.  Pretty lame as a bug killing device.  I don’t want to have to put my drink down to grab a racquet and start waving it around to try and stop the flies and mosquitoes. I might as well go and play tennis.  Outdoors exercise, ugh.

Home Care Horror Rating  :  2/5
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Watering Cap  $3.90

Apologies for the image quality.  You see, the Home Care head honcho's must have had an epiphany about this one, because it is no longer available on their site.  But in the interest of naming, shaming and blaming for all levels of crap in the copy I have at hand, I have still included it.  Hence the grainy web-cam pic.

Hope your garden is not large, and does not occupy much square metreage.  Because you would be absolutely buggered after making multiple return trips to the tap to fill up your standard 1 Litre drink bottle in order to water your garden.

Think I’ll stick with my sprinklers, hoses, and automatic reticulation thanks all the same.

Home Care Horror Rating  :  4/5


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I don’t know about you, but I feel severely let down by this collection of dumb outdoorsy shit.

4 comments:

  1. Wow, you've managed to find some real doozies (spell?) this week! Bug zapper racquet? Hmmm...
    I had the HomeCare lady ring the doorbell on Friday, asking where her catalogue was again. Everytime I see her, I think of you now! LOL! :)

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  2. OMG, I think I love you. You made my cry from laughing.  I hate hand watering. I plant containers on my porch every Spring without fail because, you know, they're so pretty. And every summer without fail I end up cursing during my seven trips each morning back and forth from the tap to water them. All homes should come with gardners attached.

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  3. Thank you so much!  My house also requires a cleaner, someone who irons clothes, since I don't, and also a chef.  I require a mega lotto win to afford the house and the extra requirements.

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  4. Ahhh bless.  Poor woman.  Mine is a middle aged man.  I feel like I should invite him in for a cup of tea (in one of their craptastic floral mugs with a spoon in the handle).  It's the least I can do for the kids always *losing* the catalogue...

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