I was watching The Real Housewives of New York, and one of the ladies was renewing her wedding vows. So it got me to thinking about my own vows, which were your stock-standard garden variety type vows. Nothing out of the ordinary, nothing personal that we'd written ourselves.
After 15 years together, I've decided it's time to pen my own vows. Not that we're planning a lavish renewal ceremony or anything. More that I was struggling for a blog post, and figured this would do.
So, here it is....
I vow to blindly back you up in all parent versus child altercations.
I will, without fail, always tell you that your beer gut isn't that big, and hasn't increased in size since we met.
I will refrain from man-boob taunts as you age.
Whenever you are down, I will go to the bottleshop.
Whenever you need to get out of something, I will be your excuse.
As you have promised never to interfere with girls' night out, I will never call bullshit on your 'late meetings' that are really code for watching footy at the pub with the boys.
As you have recognised the ensuite and walk-in-robe as my domain, I too recognise and promise to never encroach upon your sacred space, the shed.
For every meal I cook, you shall heap praise upon me. Even if it's just sausages, mashed potato and frozen mixed vegetables. Again.
If you play nice with my mother, I'll play nice with yours.
Whenever you are sick, I will care for you. So long as it doesn't interfere with other plans.
Whenever I am sick, you will care for yourself and the kids and leave me in peace, except for offers of tea and medication.
I promise not to go all crazy head-shaving Britney Spears wife on you, if you promise not to go all mid life crisis Hugh Grant, choosing blow jobs in cars from butt ugly prostitutes on my *somewhat* Liz Hurley-esque self.
These are my solemn vows.