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Monday, August 29, 2011

Home Care Horror Monday : Part 14

This is the grand finale for the first Home Care Horror Monday catalogue - in 2 parts.

Before you cry hysterically, I said it was the first catalogue.  That's right, I've found 15 posts worth of craptastic crapness in just one catalogue.

Since the first post, I've had people passing on other catalogues and items worthy of Home Care Horror Monday infamy.  So, fear not, I will continue!

The final 2 parts are dedicated to fashion.  Fashion of the not-quite ooh la la! variety.


Personal Sauna Belt  $12.90
Colour me shocked, Home Care have removed this item from sale in between printing it in a squillion catalogues for distribution, and me writing this post.  So, once again, humble apologies for the crap webcam photography.  I will invest in a digital camera soon.  Promise.

A personal sauna belt.  That's nice.  Especially that they made it Personal and not Shared.  You know, so you don't share the sweaty loving amongst your nearest and dearest.

So you sweat yourself stupid in public, without any visible explanation why.  Instead, you'll simply look unfit, menopausal, or like you're detoxing and/or jonesing for a fix.  But you will have a decreasing waistline while the general public stops and stares at your sweaty self.

On the plus side, your boobs will be sitting perkily upright beneath the massive belt. But, you'd better not breathe too deeply, lest you bust this bad boy open with one large gulp of air.

Kind of reminds you of a pair of plastic, industrially tight, assless tummy-sucking knickers, no?

Home Care Horror Rating : 5/5

Ruffled Swim Hat  $14.90

Perhaps they were aiming for 1920's old-world glamour?

They failed.

I see this item being targeted at older ladies.  Call me crazy, but I'm going to run with that assumption.

I see many saggy old ladies at the pool, in between daydreaming about Wentworth Miller while Miss5 does her swimming lessons.  They all wear the mandatory full body covering navy swimming costume.  They all wear ridiculous flouro coloured plastic Crocs / clogs.  I can forgive all of that, because not one of them wears one of these ruffled monstrosities.  The very second I see one, I am going to take the grandma down.  Full body-slam tackle, into the water.

This item could only ever be passable on very young, super cute toddlers.  Enough said.

Home Care Horror Rating : 4/5

Toe Separator Socks  $9.90

Sexy, right?  No?  Good answer.

For when your toes are spending too much time cavorting, and they are in need of a time out and perhaps a trial separation.

These remind me of those fingerless gloves, but for toes.  Only, fingerless gloves serve a purpose.  Not sure what these would be used for.  Perhaps keeping the rest of your toes cosy and warm while painting your toe nails?

Pointless crap.  Belongs on a home shopping network, being given away covertly with every purchase.  But only covertly - as package stuffing (a la bubble wrap). 

Home Care Horror Rating : 5/5

Stay tuned next week for the grand finale of Season 1 / Catalogue 1.  It includes the long awaited Snuggie piss-taking. 

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