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Friday, November 25, 2011

FFS!? Friday : the pre-Christmas edition

Linking up with Dear Baby G to have my weekly rant about what's irritated me the most this past week.
Where to start….

I was all smug and proactive this year, and sat my generous posterior in front of the laptop and did a Kmart online Christmas Layby way back in July or August or whenever their big toy sale and Christmas layby bonanza was – every single birthday and Christmas present for the kids sorted for the next 12 months *insert gloaty face*.

Do you think I can find the layby list?  Do you think I can remember what I bought for whom for which occasion?

Vanished.  Right at the precise moment #1Hubby has started quizzing me on how much I spent, how many trucks will be required to transport my layby home, and other such moronic lines of questioning, FFS!?

Included in that layby was Miss6’s birthday presents for this year.  For the month of October that has already passed.  Totally forgot about them.  Now I’ll have to hope she’s still as enamoured by what was the latest trend at the time, 12 months later, FFS!?

I also completely forgot about the layby altogether until recently, and so I shop, shop, shopped for Xmas presents just like normal.  So I now have surplus Christmas presents for the kids.  Which they have already found. Every night they come and sit in bed with me and point out their gifts at the top of my wardrobe.  Mstr2 makes truck noises at the big CAT trucks the dude in the big red suit was going to stealthy deposit on the end of his bed.  Miss2 points out the doll and the Dora craft kit and then fights with Miss6 over who they’re for.  Which only reminds me that I haven’t bought enough presents them evenly, despite the sheer volume of giftage, FFS!?

Result :

Presents that the dude in the big red suit will not be giving them, lest I burst their bubble on that whole side of Christmas, FFS!?

Presents coming out my ears, but still more to buy in order to even the ratio out between the kids, FFS!?

My festive season wine fund diminishing with every extra present I can't stop myself from purchasing, FFS!? 

So I went a *little* overboard

Which would be okay, if this wasn't totally on the cards...

Oh the irony...oh the realism...oh the expense, FFS!?

Next year, I'm wrapping empty boxes with fancy ribbons and paper.  All their fun and excitement is in the opening, and after a quick glance at the contents they're looking around for the next shiny package to open.  In fact, maybe I'll get them a GHD hair straightener, a Nespresso, an iPad, an iPhone, a bottle of Cristal, a Gloria Jeans coffee voucher, and everything else I want.  It'll be just like most years, where I end up picking up all the presents after 5 seconds, only this way I'll enjoy it.

To top it all off – my one single salvation (besides the booze) – my Saturday job.  My haven.  My peace and quiet – all sanctioned under the banner of helping bring $$$ in.  They’re not opening on the Saturday’s of Christmas Eve or New Year’s Eve.  Which means I will not be paid, and mostly, I will not have an excuse to leave the kids with #1Hubby, FFS!?

And yes, I’m the idiot who immediately phoned #1Hubby when they told me this – instead of shutting my mouth and getting up, getting dressed, and leaving the house as normal on both those Saturday’s, and instead enjoying the post Christmas sales and maybe a movie.  I am an idiot, FFS!?

Also, #1Nana is on my shit list for reasons relating to the festive period.  She has litres of the good stuff (Vodka) and refuses me one itty bitty litre for my sanity and coping mechanism during the festive season.  How else am I supposed to handle 2 weeks in close personal contact with my extended family, all sharing one bathroom, FFS!?

No, #1Hubby, I don't find it disarmingly hilarious when you pull out this old Xmas card that we received nigh on 5 years ago, and offer to recreate the scene for me.  Didn't win me over the past 5 years, not likely to wear me down any time soon either.

PS - I'm donating a number of the excess presents to the various stores' Christmas Appeals so they go to kids who need them, and also in the hope that the good karma will bring me a substantial lottery win over the festive period, thereby allowing me to hire a live-in Nanny, chef, cleaner, install a wine cellar that is always full....and an impressive house to hold all of this/us.

And sponsorship for the Digital Parents Conference 2012, and BlogHer 2012. I'm not asking for much really, heh.


  1. LOL, I remember that Santa photo being shown around about 5 years ago at work. The scary thing is that it looks like one of the guys I work with.

    On another note, I got the last of the Christmas presents off lay-by last night and bought some new clothes for Seagull (mainly) and Wombat. Both have gone up a size in shirts and they now wear the same size shorts. Thunder Maker is going to kill me when he realises I've been spending money again.

  2. Is it almost Christmas? Geeze I need to get my act together! And yes that was silly to tell #1 Hubby (is there a #2?) that you didn't have to work. I would have been telling him there was overtime to be worked too!

  3. Your kiddos are going to think it's the! Even if that means for the next six weeks you have to resort to drinking metho right? I think #1Hubby should guest post with a picture of himself recreating his most loved Santa pic, then you can whip it off to Snapfish and make some xmas cards and send it to all his work colleagues. I would totally do something like that to HB. God you make me laugh x You, not God.

  4. Ooh really? I'd never be able to look at the guy at work the same way again...I'd always see this pic instead!

    Just tell Thunder Maker it is for the growth and wellbeing of the kids.  The clothing, that is.  Gloss over any other purchases as if they were all clothing.

  5. #1Hubby is so named because it's a reminder that he can easily be replaced by #2, or #3, or even #4 - and so on and so on.  Because I'm in mega huge demand, you know.  Keeps him on his toes to know that he is the first, but not necessarily the last. Or, ah, something like that.

    And yes, you're right.  I could've easily sold overtime during the festive season!  That just makes me even dumber than I was before!  Argh!

  6. They're hating me right now.  The excess gifts have gone to charity, and they were all like WTF?! Where are our presents going?! And I had to explain the whole giving to those less fortunate, but all they heard was PRESENTS THAT MUMMY BOUGHT THAT ARE NOT FOR YOU.  Took donuts and babycino's to get them to even acknowledge my existence again!

    Good idea on the Xmas card front.  I would absolutely do that too! Bet he's read this and will now never offer to recreate the pic again.  Which can only be a good thing.

    God is crying that he does not make you laugh.  Better say sorry. Heh.


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