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Friday, December 9, 2011

FFS!? Friday - the bad husbandry edition

Let me preface today's FFS!? Friday by apologising for the length of the post.  But I have earnt this ranty-tanty moment today.  That and I already went through it a bazillion times trying to cut it down, but I felt justified and worthy of every single ranty FFS!? point that I've left in.  So...apologies for the length, but I feel much better after writing it all.

I received a fab pack from Sabco Australia, full of cleaning goodies and chocolate!  #1Hubby was beside himself with excitement.  Seriously, and this is one of the reasons I love him, because he often gets enthusiastic about home maintenance, cleaning and DIY...shame he has no bloody follow-through to action/finish much of it though, FFS!?

Super, mega, disgustingly early the morning after the Sabco package arrived, #1Hubby woke me up just to show me how awesome the lint roller was.  As if I have any interest in the removal of lint - a fact he should've been well aware of on account of how the family often get around looking like we've all been dusted with icing sugar, FFS!?

I had a crazy bad headache that extended from Monday to Wednesday.  It was like the mother of all uber-headaches that just wouldn't go away, FFS!?

Yep, that explains it

Plus the kids were a bit sniffly, and so the usual germ circle of life saw me also become a bit sniffly and sore throated too. But I'm tough and all that shit, so I soldiered on.

The twin tornado join in any moaning.  It's a group activity - nay, a family activity.  So if I dared to mention my hurty head (in order to remind #1Hubby that I was super awesome for still cooking dinner whilst hot pokers were stabbing away inside my impressive brain head space), the twin tornado joined in and demanded bandaids for their own hurty heads.  Followed by Miss6 who's also a bit partial to bandaids, FFS!?

Anyway, while I was suffering and the kids were suffering by proxy and we were rapidly running out of bandaids, #1Hubby started coming down with Man freaking Flu, FFS!?
By Wednesday he'd called at lunchtime to say he's coming home from work to suffer and whine in my general vicinity, thus increasing the thumping in my head, FFS!?

Even though I still have the hot pokers from hell stabbing my cranium, I've managed to do a quick grocery shop, attend an excruciating school assembly, and do a load of laundry.  #1Hubby can't even open the front door for himself, such is the extent of his Man Flu, FFS!?

So I play along and send him upstairs to bed, because I can't be arsed shepherding the twin tornado away from his vicinity, lest they end up with toddlerised versions of Man Flu right in time for Xmas, FFS!?

I come over all caring Florence Nightingale meets Martha Stewart and take him up a cup of Lady Grey Tea.  He loves Earl Grey, but he was being a bit of a girly man over the whole "woe is me, I've got a sore throat" shit, so I gave him the girly Grey tea instead.

It's the little things that get me through the days.

I found him sitting up, reading the paper and watching TV (this is the man who thought it best to shut himself upstairs in bed, so he could sleep and rest in silence), FFS!?

Cheese and bacon roll on the bedside table.  Can of soft drink next to that.  His face turns from calm and serene to somebody just ran over Lassie style woeness in 2 seconds flat.  He blurts out that he's taken a couple of sinus tablets, so he'll probably fall asleep in a minute and thanks for the tea and being so understanding but don't go to too much trouble on his behalf because he knows I've still got a bit of a headache and the twins to run around after and Miss6 to get from school too.

Mother fu....FFS!?

And no, that wasn't poor grammar and sentence structure on my part.  He really did blurt all that out in one mother of a sentence.

The rest of the day passed in a blur of hurty, pained expressions worthy of a Daytime Emmy on The Young and The Restless.  These wounded expressions were only interrupted by whispered declarations of woeness whenever he came downstairs for a bit of attention and acknowledgement.

        "My glands really hurt...I wish I could have a coffee but I can't swallow"

        "I can't even drink water..."

        "I would've helped with the kids last night, but I couldn't even stand up properly"

        "My back hurts from laying down for so long"

         "It even hurts to talk"

So stop  talking then, FFS!?

I can handle sick kids who whine, I can even handle sick husbands (which he genuinely was, because he never ever takes sick leave from work - because it means he's stuck at home with me and the kids, heh).  But when they whine like a toddler, it shits me.  I have sympathy, I do.  But it only lasts so long.  Once they've been medicated, fed, watered and put to bed - and I've managed the kids solo so that he can rest and recover - don't bitch to me about how much it hurts to bloody talk, and how your back hurts from laying down for so long.  Seriously?!  Be a man, suck it up and soldier I do...FFS!?

I even know where to stick it...
While he was in the throes of life threatening Man Flu delirium, I had to answer the phone because his sickly self needed peace and quiet to listen to himself bitch and moan recuperate.  TWO TELESALES CALLS WITHIN AN HOUR, FFS!?

The first one alerting me to a very serious Microsoft Apple problem on my PC (obviously they didn't research their subject matter much before calling...), and another offering to fix my very serious Microsoft Apple problem on my PC.  I'm going to assume that when caller #1 struck out, the guy next to him in the far away Call Centre gave it a shot, now that I was aware of my very serious Microsoft Apple problem on my PC....FFS!?

PS - We had the mother of all storms on Tuesday, so the cat refused to go outside.  He also pissed himself at some point (thankfully, on the tiles and not the carpet).  I was alerted to this when both the twin tornado and I slipped in said cat's piss...covering ourselves in said cat's piss, FFS!?

Linking up with DearBabyG for the most awesome weekly link-up ever created.


  1. Far out! Men!! Seriously, you must have the patience of a saint. I think #1 hubby is lucky he's not dead. Oh and I hear you about the cat! Our dog had a serious aversion to going outside when it is raining, and nothing makes me crankier than stepping in wee! Hope your weekend is better :)

  2. Man flu at its best :p Props to you for holding it all together despite a bad headache!

    Ai @ Sakura Haruka

  3. Bahaha I think I may have just peed a little too in sympathy for the cat. Poor darling.

    I don't understand man flu! Don't you wish you had a big metal chicken right now? I think you should start selling those gold stickers on ebay.  I know a few people I'd love to stick them on. They should also be sold with a roll of gaffa tape.

    Please send me some flu bugs, I would love to lay in bed for 48 hours and do sweet FA!

  4. My head hurts after reading that. You deserve a drink.

  5. Yep. FFS.
    You need to get sick.
    So sick you have to quarantine yuorself in a hotel room with a fully stocked mini bar and spa.


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