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Friday, December 16, 2011

FFS?! Friday : School Holidays Edition

Today, I come to you from my laundry.  My safe place.  My hiding place.

I am hiding from my own personal reality TV hell....

Survivor : School holidays
6 weeks of stress-testing, wine fuelled epic parenting failures 
Ryan Seacrest, I am totally patenting this one.  Don't even think about it.

I've got tonnes of FFS?! moments already, and we are a mere 1.5 days into the epic school holidays from hell.

Miss6's school taught her how to play "I Spy" right before sending her home to me for 6 weeks.  So far we've played it ENDLESSLY, and even if I pretend I can't hear her, she just keeps on with the bloody questions until I give in and answer, FFS!?

Miss6's school did not teach her how to spell properly before sending her home to me for 6 weeks.  So far we've played endless futile rounds of "I Spy" where she's describing something beginning with the letter S that is apparently a Trampoline.  Bugger me if I can't ever guess it...FFS!?

Day 1 of school holidays I awoke at 6:30am, thought "oh that's holidays!" and went back to sleep.  Then I awoke again just before 7:30am, remembered it was still school holidays, and actually hummed a little bit as I got up and made the bed.

By 7:54am I had already yelled myself hoarse as the three siblings combined for a spot tantrum/fight/group hissy fit over nothing.  I thought to myself "oh that's holidays, not even 30 minutes in to the first day and already they're at each other!!!", only this time there was a little sob at the back of my throat, not a hum, FFS!?

I haven't been to the bathroom alone since I got back from Vietnam.  That's over 3 months.  I have to set my alarm and get up in the middle of the night if I want private bathroom privileges, FFS!?

This is now tripled with all 3 kids at home to bust in and ask me what I'm doing, do I have enough toilet paper, have I wiped properly, and can they see it, FFS!?

The cat has started staging protests over the amount of small people in his house.  If I let him in, he pisses on something.  As mentioned last week, the twins and I slipped in his protest piss.  This week, I've washed all manner of household objects after sitting down and preying that wet patch is just water, only to sniff it and start faux vomiting when I realise it's not, FFS!?

As blogged earlier this week, the twins are deathly afraid of flies.  I've just realised I've been Scotchguarding them by mistake, not environmentally friendly bug spraying them.  Now they're waterproofed, rendering the environmentally friendly bug spray useless when I do find it again, FFS!?


  1. Hahahaha! Hilarious as always, Georgia! We start school holidays next week. Just keep the wine handy and you'll be right xxxx

  2. Hahaha. I'll be laughing at you, sorry make that with you, for the next 6 wks by the looks.

    My two are almost 16 & 18, I only see them when they crawl out of their rooms to be fed, watered & shower occasionally (by occasionally it seems 4 days is the longest one can go before deciding they can't stand their own stench). At least you get 'I Spy', all I get is "I Spy $10 in your wallet, can I have it please?"

  3. Was cracking up from the laundry onwards.
    If anyone can find strategies to outwit, outlast and outplay them you can.
    Can you find an alliance?

  4. Yo! I am still laughing about you slipping in cat piss from last week. I am sorry you couldn't top my tiff with a random stranger's diarrhoea, I really wish you could though. They obviously DID NOT WIPE properly. We are 2 days down, 5.5 weeks to go. My cheap booze has arrived, thank the good lord. 

  5. Very, very bathroom events, (also apparently open to all comers) often include the ...."what colour is mums wee convesation ". They'll be running a book on it soon....may as well be televised live on Sky Sport!

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