Happy 2012 y'all!
I saw in 2012 with the family. I cracked open #1Hubby's work Christmas gift to
him me, which was a bottle of Moet, and promptly slapped a Pop Top cap on it and pretended to be posh but safe in my alcohol consumption.
#1Hubby dared to taste it, wasting at least $7 worth of Moet in my estimation, FFS!?
I knew he wouldn't like it, because he's not a bubbly kind of manchild, FFS!?
He spilt about another $9 worth in his careless handling, FFS!?
I am not kidding when I say that I licked the kitchen bench and cupboard in a desperate attempt to recoup and save at least $5 worth of spilled Moet.
Plus some random stickiness and furiness that I'm hesitant to try and identify post-consumption, FFS!?
Then I had to offer #1Nana a taste, because I am a product of her and therefore we only ever buy booze based on quantity over quality. It only seemed fair to offer her a taste of the good stuff, being that both of us are too cheap to ever buy it for ourselves, and I was drinking it in front of her at her house where I had spent the past week and a half drinking her Vodka. I expected her to politely decline, or have only a quick sip. Instead, she accepted a whole glass - and came back for more! Cheeky bitch, FFS!?
|Image of no relevance other than I found it funneh|
Throughout the festive season I partook in various cocktails, cheap ass bubbly that I had to buy myself, and wine. Every single time I poured a glass, Miss6 vaporised out of nowhere, like a Power Ranger, to advise me that alcohol is a drug, FFS!?
Not only did it start to kill my buzz, it also made me a paranoid drinker, permanently on edge, waiting for the ninja-like Miss6 to appear and helpfully warn me of my drug taking via alcohol consumption, FFS!?
She didn't do this to any other alcohol consuming member of the family, of which there were many, FFS!?
When I wasn't drinking I was eating. Copious amounts of finger-food and tapas style goodness. I even - are you ready for this shit - MARINATED MY OWN OLIVES.
I'll give you a minute to bask in my Martha Stewart-esque glow.
What goes well with marinated olives?
Cheese, dip, cheese, pate, cheese, sundried tomatoes, cheese, and the odd cracker. And cheese.
Low and behold, every time I had fingers sticky with oily goodness or rich gooey cheese, along came Miss6 again to advise me that I was eating junk, rubbish, bad foods, FFS!?
Suffice to say, every time my hand went within a 3 inch radius of my face, she was there to advise me of the evils I was subjecting my body/temple to, FFS!?
It was like living an episode of The Biggest Loser.
Flash forward to today, and another big festive par-tay type occasion at Parental Parody Palace. The twin tornado turn 3 today.
Already, they've tired of their giftage, FFS!?
Already, Miss6 has claimed their giftage, which is the only time they show any interest in it again, FFS!?
|Not interested in their impressive, carefully thought out giftage, instead they are obsessed with glitter encrusted sunglasses from the $2 shop. Which were on sale. For less than $2.|
They have not magically morphed into toilet trained, alphabet quoting, simple mathematics counting, book reading, vegetable loving toddlers, FFS!?
They are totally awesome, of course, but that doesn't fit in with the tone of my FFS!? Friday whine.
It is still 26 days until school starts again, FFS!?
It is 1 year and 26 days until the twin tornado start school, FFS!?
He he he.ReplyDelete
I hope Miss 6 remembers all this advice in about ten years time!!
Ha Ha. I love your Moet stories :)ReplyDelete
I stopped over from FLOG YO BLOGHere is My Blog Flogged
I've got a bottle of Moet in my fridge someone bought me for my 30th that I haven't opened...'cos it's too good to drink on my own, and too bloody good to share! Yeah..so that was three years ago....does it go off? maybe i should bring it to the DPConf and we can have a posh breakfast! :-)ReplyDelete
A pop-top lid on a wine bottle!! Why hadn't I thought of something like that? I must get something like that for Mum...ReplyDelete
Another great read. Thoroughly enjoyed the humour! Thanks for the smiles.