So I’m obviously the only mother on the planet who had
no clue about Push Presents?
J Lo got almost $3mil worth of diamonds. Admittedly,
she had twins, so that’s almost $1.5mil per child.
Note to #1Hubby : that’s $4.5mil you owe me for Miss6
and the twin tornado.
Katie Holmes scored some Cartier bling for Suri. I should clarify - that was for
having Suri, not actually for Suri to wear. Although,
with what she gets around in, it is highly likely she has a
matching bracelet of her own. Jealous much?
Note to #1Hubby : while I would love me a bit of Cartier to
wave around at the help (which is me, unless you count the twins’
fixation with the broom), I will settle for my lovely eternity ring. So
we’re square on this one.
Posh got a diamond ring with over 33 carats. Not
entirely sure how her waif-like self could lift that much bling?
Note to #1Hubby : I’m cool with my new Swarovski
crystal ring, because people who don’t know me often mistake it for a pink
Argyle diamond. We just won’t tell them it’s not, ok?
My favourite celeb Push Present? Helena Bonham-Carter scored
BIKER BOOTS. Maximum practicality, and she refers to them as her ‘baby
shoes’. Brings a whole new meaning to ‘kicking ass’,
no?
Note to #1Hubby : I’ve had my eye on a pair of wedge
sandals at Spendless Shoes for $39.95. I can’t choose between black
and nude, so I’ll grab both and we’ll call it even at $79.90, ok?
Seriously…I’m not knocking it. I’m just not sure any
of these gifts were worthy or representative of the mega huge and fundamental thing that is giving
birth?
Having been a mother for all of 6 years now, and knowing what I do (so…everything), I've made a list of what I’d want for my Push Parcel.
Having been a mother for all of 6 years now, and knowing what I do (so…everything), I've made a list of what I’d want for my Push Parcel.
Note that I said Parcel and not Present, because one gift is
not enough for all that pushing and sweating and grunting and straining, am I
right?
My Push Parcel
Nespresso
Yeah I’ll shut up about the damn
thing once I get one, I promise. Seriously, with the sleep deprivation
that comes with a baby and the 14
years after that until it becomes a teenager and flips an internal switch that
sees it sleeping all the time to make up for the lack of sleep and early
mornings the previous 14 years…nothing is more warranted than a decent
coffee machine.
Fancy pants bubbly
To be enjoyed all by myself when I’m
able to get hammered once again, as a kind of Congratulations to me for a job
well done.
Mojito's
Lifetime supply. Endless. Because I deserve it, and also because I'll experience many parenting-related occasions where I also need it for my own sanity.
Sexy but practical undies
Maternity-friendly and grandmaesque kidney-hugging undies, plus industrial Spanx style super-sucker undies. All made sexy. It’s inevitable that they’re
all going to be required for some duration (possibly even 6 years later *ahem*),
so why not make them nice and pretty and sexy and all that?
Cleaner
Forever. FOREVER.
FOREVER.
FOREVER.
Sustenance
Healthy, calorie controlled BUT TASTY home-delivered
meals. Take the pressure off me to provide healthy sustenance since I’ve
just given birth. Take the guilt off me for resorting to 2 minute noodles
and McDonalds when I’m too shattered to cook. I realise that
asking for a Chef would be a bit far fetched (unless you are one of the Celeb’s
mentioned above), so just a decent, good quality, tasty home-delivery service
for the first month (or 9…or 90) would be great.
Pampering
Take your child and look after it, bond
with it. Then let me have a facial, manicure, trip to the hairdresser –
whatever makes me feel like a person and not a milk machine. This is
required quarterly. Forever. FOREVER.
Time out
With my friends, or possibly you – if I like you
enough when the time comes. Without questioning or complaint. You
get to go to work 5 days a week, that is your escape. Now allow me some
down time too. Fortnightly, in a perfect world. Forever.
FOREVER.
What sensible, reasonable requests. Great minds (those altered forever by maternity) think alike!
ReplyDelete"and and underwater cellar under said house to keep the moet cool....."
ReplyDeleteYou mean I should have received a present (or even a parcel) for having my Darlings? Cricky, thank god I read your blog! The wheels are spinning in my head as I type as to what my list will include....
ReplyDeleteI first heard about push presents a few months ago - I seriously missed out with my 3 babes too! I'm still not sure how I feel about it, surely the baby is a good enough present? One of my friends got an IPad, which was probably pretty useful to her in hospital and after the baby was born. Happy new Year!
ReplyDelete