Ungraciously flaunting #1 Parent status and how it came to bite me in the ass this school holidays

Okay so everyone who wants to pretend they've never ever vied for #1 parent status with their kids can do so.  It's okay, I won't call bullshit on you, even though I'm positive every parent has had a least a few occasions where they've offered up rewards, treats, excursions, extra TV time, whatever it takes - to be the parent to put a smile on the faces of their kids.

In our household, it's a bit of a sport.

You see, #1Hubby is mega competitive, and I like to irritate him and get under his skin wherever possible, which makes me competitive by default.

That cliche of Daddy's little girl and Mummy's boy have rung true in our house, to a point.  Miss6 is a mini-me, so she's always been my girl.  Mstr3 is a girly man Mummy's boy.  Miss3 was a ballsy Daddy's girl.  Until recently.  Miss3 has now jumped ship to the Mummy is awesome team.

#1Hubby went through the usual steps :

Denial

It's not true, she's just clingy today and that's why she wants you.

Anger

What's wrong with her? You've turned her against me!

Blame

What did you do/say/promise to get her to pick you over me?

Self-pity

It's not fair. Woe is me. I'm a big girly man and I'm going to throw a tantrum.  Or something like that.

I went through the usual steps :

Euphoria

Woohoo, they all want their Mummy!

Smugness

I am awesome.  They all want their Mummy!

Doubt

Gee, they all want their Mummy...

Regret

Great. They all want their Mummy.

Of course, I can't let #1Hubby know that I've come full circle.

Suck it Loser #1Hubby.  I rock their world just that little bit more than you do.  Right now, I am all kinds of legendary in their eyes. Even more than Dora and McDonalds.

I have to smile through the "stacks on" full body assault / tackle from all three at once.

I have to laugh and smile my way through the weight of all three lounging on me whenever I sit down for more than 5 seconds.

I have to laugh and welcome them whenever we are eating and they choose that exact moment to desperately need to tell me something eye-to-eye, while sitting on me and draping themselves all over me.

I have to come running whenever anything happens that warrants either a blood curdling MUMMYYYYYY! or, alternatively, an excited MUMMY MUMMY MUMMY!  Either one almost always involving a cockroach against its will.

Being #1 is tough.

Being #1 during school holidays is a sadistic mofo bitch.  They are everywhere.  I swear they've been taking ninja tips from whatever Nickelodeon program I've been relying on to babysit them thus far.

I bet this is how Ange feels. 


Don't even want to contemplate how Octomom copes.