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Monday, January 9, 2012

Ungraciously flaunting #1 Parent status and how it came to bite me in the ass this school holidays

Okay so everyone who wants to pretend they've never ever vied for #1 parent status with their kids can do so.  It's okay, I won't call bullshit on you, even though I'm positive every parent has had a least a few occasions where they've offered up rewards, treats, excursions, extra TV time, whatever it takes - to be the parent to put a smile on the faces of their kids.

In our household, it's a bit of a sport.

You see, #1Hubby is mega competitive, and I like to irritate him and get under his skin wherever possible, which makes me competitive by default.

That cliche of Daddy's little girl and Mummy's boy have rung true in our house, to a point.  Miss6 is a mini-me, so she's always been my girl.  Mstr3 is a girly man Mummy's boy.  Miss3 was a ballsy Daddy's girl.  Until recently.  Miss3 has now jumped ship to the Mummy is awesome team.

#1Hubby went through the usual steps :

It's not true, she's just clingy today and that's why she wants you.

What's wrong with her? You've turned her against me!

What did you do/say/promise to get her to pick you over me?

It's not fair. Woe is me. I'm a big girly man and I'm going to throw a tantrum.  Or something like that.

I went through the usual steps :

Woohoo, they all want their Mummy!

I am awesome.  They all want their Mummy!

Gee, they all want their Mummy...

Great. They all want their Mummy.

Of course, I can't let #1Hubby know that I've come full circle.

Suck it Loser #1Hubby.  I rock their world just that little bit more than you do.  Right now, I am all kinds of legendary in their eyes. Even more than Dora and McDonalds.

I have to smile through the "stacks on" full body assault / tackle from all three at once.

I have to laugh and smile my way through the weight of all three lounging on me whenever I sit down for more than 5 seconds.

I have to laugh and welcome them whenever we are eating and they choose that exact moment to desperately need to tell me something eye-to-eye, while sitting on me and draping themselves all over me.

I have to come running whenever anything happens that warrants either a blood curdling MUMMYYYYYY! or, alternatively, an excited MUMMY MUMMY MUMMY!  Either one almost always involving a cockroach against its will.

Being #1 is tough.

Being #1 during school holidays is a sadistic mofo bitch.  They are everywhere.  I swear they've been taking ninja tips from whatever Nickelodeon program I've been relying on to babysit them thus far.

I bet this is how Ange feels. 

Don't even want to contemplate how Octomom copes.


  1. Hahahaha! #1 mummy is not all it's cracked up to be! school holidays are halfway over... the end is nigh...

  2. That was a highly entertaining little read to be introduced to straight off the bat to your blog! Thoroughly enjoyed it. Also, I think you deserved everything you go, but there you go! :P


  3. I loved your "usual steps."  So funny!

  4. I was just thinking your life sounds so much like Anges. You too have so much in common! Maybe you can. Onvince George to bring her along when he delivers you Nespresso machine?


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