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Friday, February 24, 2012

FFS!? Friday : Man Crap Fashion Crimes Edition

Linking up with my vodka buddy DearBabyG once again, to get my weekly whine on.  As opposed to my daily wine.  The two of which are never to be confused, but often occur simultaneously, funnily enough.

So this week I’m all about taking out the trash.  Fear not LiLo, I’m not speaking in the metaphoric sense of the trash of society.

I’m talking literal tash-worthy fashion that #1Hubby has hoarded over the years.

Stuff like this:
Girlyman shirt complete with fetching powder blue floral embroidery.
I know what you’re thinking.  How did I ever find someone who would wear this, alluring enough to bump uglies even once, let alone multiple times resulting in marriage and offspring?

Because he’s never ever worn it in the SEVENTEEN YEARS that we’ve been together.

So why do I have to house such monstrosities, FFS!?

That is valuable wardrobe space that could be holding my not so haute couture, if it wasn’t for his crap clothing that was poor taste back in the 80’s, so poor that it’s one of the few trends to have never staged a come back.  Along with the bright lycra leotards designed to push the tights worn underneath so far up your butt crack that if you were to cough while exercising, you’d choke on them and be able to wipe the sweat from your brow. 

To be fair, my clothing would be shoved in drawers and neatly thrown on the floor like always, it’s just the principal of the wasted hanging space being abused by these monstrosities, FFS!?

And next up I present to you, this gem:
Aloha vomitshorts!  Sadly, these are worn. Regularly.
I repeat : SHUDDER

Wrong on many levels.  I have tried to throw this out / gift it to Good Sammy’s a number of times.  I swear the man has a radar for crap (shutup) because he manages to casually saunter into the bedroom while I’m madly shoving it to the bottom of a trash bag, underneath the rest of the family’s old clothing.

For real, he’s come home in the middle of the day, for a surprise visit, on the one single day in 6 month that I tried to funeralise this piece of crap, FFS!?

This next one just makes me weepy.  Weepy sad, and weepy from hurty eyes every time my vision is assaulted by this thing :

It's shiny, it's silky, it's so very very wrong.

Hear ye, hear ye : Dress up fans, costume party frequenters, 1980’s porn stars – I got you covered.  I’ll even pay the postage.  No refunds.

Am I the only one with a husband who is more fashion-backward than fashion-forward, and won’t discard his poorly fashion choices from yesteryear, FFS!?


  1. NO NO NO!! Don't do it, that is all perfectly good stuff!!

    Cranky Old Man

  2. JoCountrylifeexperimentFebruary 24, 2012 at 8:06 AM

    My husband still loves his camouflage cargoes....

  3. how much for the shorts? you can't find classics like them now days!

  4. Why do they get so attached to the crap?
    Hubby's 'dragon shirt' (purple silk with embossed ugly dragons) has had more lives than a cat.
    Apparently, it was his 'lucky' shirt.
    Well, I never would have touched him wearing it - so I beg to differ.
    That red jacket is offensive.

  5. No - i have a man who has a shirt like your hubby!! And he wears his :)

    those shorts - classic...the red jacket, oh please tell me that is gone!!! My hubby has such bad taste in clothes, and is colour blind (he must be to wear the combinations that he goes out in!)

    Maybe its a generation thing?

  6.  I once went so far as to suggest it was to detract attention from his receding hairline, or that the clothes may be the cause of the receding hairline - as even his hair is trying to back away from that fashion sense.  Not my finest hour, admittedly.  I totally got the sarcasm, but for some reason, he did not.  He does know never to leave the house in the red shiny jacket or the shirt.  The shorts, whole other story.  Can't get him out of them.

  7.  Bahaha, no getting lucky in the lucky shirt. I like it!

    The red jacket is so offensive, and hubby knows it. I'm positive if I said I liked it he would get rid of it.

  8.  Apparently you can! Bali. Only ours were not Bali bargains, as I have the husband who paid good shoe shopping dollars for the same stuff here.  If I had any chance of getting away with it, I would be paying you to take them...

  9. Being that I worked most of my life on military bases, camouflage is the only material above all fashion criticism I'm afraid. Love me some cammies!

  10.  Admit it, you have some floral shorts too..don't you?  I may have to start a support group for men of questionable fashion sense who don't realise it's questionable

  11. I remember when this clothing was a huge hit :( HB was devastated when Haggis through his pig skin leather jacket out when they got divorced. It's the only nice deed she has ever done. We have council clean up happening at our place bring it all over  and we can watch from the patio as others drive by and scab & grab them.

  12. Bahaha, she probably didn't throw it out - she's probably kept it as a make shift voodoo doll.  I'd be wary when his blokey bits itch and/or burn, heh.

    I love a good road side pick up.  Sadly, nothing seems to last on the verge long enough for me to set up camp. I had a very clearly broken cupboard, missing the entire door.  I put it out, and went back up my driveway to get the drawer that was sitting at my front door.  By the time I got back down the driveway it was gone.  It was totally X Files stuff, as the street was desserted, you couldn't see a soul.

    Which meant no chance for me to smirk at them as if to say "yeah that's take my broken shit...and you fix it and make it better than it ever was with me...wait, do you do Husbands?"  Heh.


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