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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The logic of love according to a 14 year old

In an attempt to free herself of my childhood crap all evidence of my early years, #1Nana has shuffled crap from her abode to mine - which is technically also her abode, but I have claimed it in the true sense of “possession is 9/10 of the law”.

I cracked open the first box of crap nostalgia, and found various posters and clippings of 1990’s boy bands I’d rather not name, lest I incriminate my cringe-worthy teenage music tastes of that decade.

Would hate to ruin my street cred, yo.

I also found a list I’d written at the tender but very recent age of 14, detailing why Robbie Williams and I should be together.

Because before George Clooney was deemed hot, there was Robbie.

Just to clarify, we’re talking early years Take That Robbie

Not podgy UFO chasing recent Robbie:
I thought I’d compare my reasoning or justification for a long distance celeb romance back then at age 14, and now at an ever so slightly older but far wiser age.

14yr old me  :  I want to hang out with Mark Owen
Current me   :  I could totally do with some fashion advice from Mark Owen

14yr old me  :  Maybe Mark Owen is cuter?
Current me   :  Mark Owen wouldn't be interested, unless I butch it up a little

14yr old me  :  Robbie wears black and so do I so we’d look totally hot together
Current me   :  Black makes me look slim…slimmer…slimish…fairly non-pregnant

14yr old me  :  Robbie’s rich and I’d never have to work.  Like, ever.
Current me   :  Robbie’s rich and I’d never have to work.  Like, ever.  And I could tot’s afford the household of staff that I believe I deserve.

14yr old me  :  Robbie could sing to me, like every day. So awesome.
Current me   :  I’d let Robbie sing to me on special occasions, to humour him.  And only if I can choose the songs.

14yr old me  :  I have a killer signature worked out for when I do autographs
Current me   :  Could probably practice that and perfect it.  Only my younger self neglected to leave notes on how I was going to become autograph-worthy?

14yr old me  :  If we had a fight he could sing “Back For Good” to me and mean it.  Cool.
Current me   :  Ensure pre-nup works in my favour should we argue.

14yr old me  :  He’s soooo cute. We would have the cutest babies.
Current me   :  Will be able to pay for kick ass boarding school, so we can instead focus on being a loved-up couple, jet-setting around the world’s tropical islands (once he loses the weight and regains the 6 pack).

14yr old me  :  OMG, he has the best abs!
Current me   :  OMG, where have his abs gone!?

That was some profound shit right there. 

And there were others.  Had Robbie not seen my logic in our romantic future together, I was prepared with a whole list of other options, ranging from MC Hammer to Vanilla Ice to the entire cast of Dead Poet's Society.

I was both deep and totally logical and realistic at 14 years of age.

Totally irrelevant pic.  I Googled Robbie Williams bent over.

Not like that peeps, I swear.

I was hoping to finish up with a pic of Robbie faux proposing to me, on bended knee - hence the Google image search.

But instead, I got this.  Granny's got moves, so I figured she deserved to be included.


  1. I loved Robbie.
    I still love Robbie - he's my 'free pass'.
    But from recent reports, I might just be wasting that pass on him.

  2. LOL Love granny.

    I was never into Robbie, however Johnny Depp....

  3. You haven't mentioned your obsession with Glen Jakovic circa early 1990's. Perhaps that requires it's own dedicated post :-p

  4. <3

    We're packing up the house to move, and I recently came across some magazine clippings of Colin Firth & Ioan Gruffudd. It was so hard to put them in the recycling.. I know I can just hit the internet any time for some perving, but back in the day, magazine clippings were such treasures!

    I was also never a Robbie fan, but now I have Back for Good stuck in my head :) Thanks!

    I can relate to the Dead Poet's cast appreciation, but I lived in terror of actually having an English teacher like that.

    Incidentally, I got bored one day and decided to document my past and present celebrity crushes on Pinterest:

    I think I forgot a bunch of the earlier teenage ones, though! So.. do I get back to work, or start hunting out Ethan Hawke photos? :D

  5. Oh to be 14 again - and in love (I mean have a crush)!!! That is one funny Gran :)

    Never realised that Robbie Williams went from yummy to slummy?? What happened!!

    I never had an idol back then...oh actually I did - it was Patrick Swayze - damn he was hot in Dirty Dancing and Ghost, but I cant remember if I was 14 or a little bit older - not admitting to when I thought he was gorgeous!!! May he rest in peace for evermore - stupid damn cancer.

    I so wished I had kept my diary from when I was in High School - wonder what I would think reading it now!


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