In an attempt to free herself of
my childhood crap all evidence of my early years, #1Nana has shuffled
crap from her abode to mine - which is technically also her abode, but I have
claimed it in the true sense of “possession is 9/10 of the law”.
I cracked open the first box of
crap nostalgia, and found various posters and clippings of 1990’s boy bands I’d
rather not name, lest I incriminate my cringe-worthy teenage music tastes of
Would hate to ruin my street cred, yo.
I also found a list I’d written at the tender but very recent age of 14, detailing why Robbie Williams and I should be together.
Because before George Clooney was deemed hot, there was Robbie.
Just to clarify, we’re talking early years Take That Robbie
Not podgy UFO chasing recent Robbie:
I thought I’d compare my reasoning or justification for a long distance celeb romance back then at age 14, and now at an ever so slightly older but far wiser age.
14yr old me : I want to hang out with Mark Owen
Current me : I could totally do with some fashion advice from Mark Owen
14yr old me : Maybe Mark Owen is cuter?
Current me : Mark Owen wouldn't be interested, unless I butch it up a little
14yr old me : Robbie wears black and so do I so we’d look totally hot together
Current me : Black makes me look slim…slimmer…slimish…fairly non-pregnant
14yr old me : Robbie’s rich and I’d never have to work. Like, ever.
Current me : Robbie’s rich and I’d never have to work. Like, ever. And I could tot’s afford the household of staff that I believe I deserve.
14yr old me : Robbie could sing to me, like every day. So awesome.
Current me : I’d let Robbie sing to me on special occasions, to humour him. And only if I can choose the songs.
14yr old me : I have a killer signature worked out for when I do autographs
Current me : Could probably practice that and perfect it. Only my younger self neglected to leave notes on how I was going to become autograph-worthy?
14yr old me : If we had a fight he could sing “Back For Good” to me and mean it. Cool.
Current me : Ensure pre-nup works in my favour should we argue.
14yr old me : He’s soooo cute. We would have the cutest babies.
Current me : Will be able to pay for kick ass boarding school, so we can instead focus on being a loved-up couple, jet-setting around the world’s tropical islands (once he loses the weight and regains the 6 pack).
14yr old me : OMG, he has the best abs!
Current me : OMG, where have his abs gone!?
That was some profound shit right there.
And there were others. Had Robbie not seen my logic in our romantic future together, I was prepared with a whole list of other options, ranging from MC Hammer to Vanilla Ice to the entire cast of Dead Poet's Society.
I was both deep and totally logical and realistic at 14 years of age.
Totally irrelevant pic. I Googled Robbie Williams bent over.
Not like that peeps, I swear.
I was hoping to finish up with a pic of Robbie faux proposing to me, on bended knee - hence the Google image search.
But instead, I got this. Granny's got moves, so I figured she deserved to be included.