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Monday, April 2, 2012

Adios Melbourne, adios sadistic lycra undies: DPCon12 wrap up

Today is a bit of a sad day for me.

Today I leave Melbourne, bound for home.

I tried convincing #1Hubby to ship himself and the kids over from Perth, because clearly this is the place to be.

He was totally up for it on account of his severe illness affections for the Carlton Football Club.

The thought of all that Carlton, all the time, was enough for me to veto the move, and instead hope to return again soon for another visit.

So instead I'm madly shoving all the awesome products I've accumulated over the past 5 days into my small red suitcase, and hoping for the best come check-in and baggage weigh in.

Any dodgy baggage handlers would totally have a field day with my case.  And if I find one single item missing when I hit Perth, I will be going all ranty Mercedes Corby on them.

I've missed The Feral Threesome more than I expected, and I have given myself many stern talkings-to over my trip, as I got misty-eyed at the mere sight of a toddler.  Then I would phone home and listen to #1Hubby put them all on speaker phone, so the Twin Tornado could scream out a delighted "BULLSHIT MUMMY!" while Miss6 ignored me because iCarly was on Nickelodeon.

Last night, as I sat alone relishing the silence of my accommodation, after enjoying some solo bathroom time, I nuked my Coles meal for one (living it up on my last night....) and called home. Again.

The Twin Tornado told me how much ice cream they've been eating.  I cringed.  Their father attempted to whisper at them to shut up about it, forgetting he was on speaker phone.  I asked to speak to Miss6, and she got on with an excited tone in her voice (ah finally...someone has missed me and is psyched to be speaking to me) as she advised me that the Kids Choice Awards was on Nickelodeon from 5pm and I should hurry up and get off the phone so I could watch it.  After iCarly.

Yep, that's the stuff.  That's what really tugs at the heart strings, am I right?

It's safe to say that I've re-entered the earth's atmosphere after the high of getting through my speech at the Digital Parents Conference without tripping over myself or swearing too much.  I'm beyond thrilled that the wine cask went down well (take that how you will), and am going to seek their sponsorship next year.  Them and the makers of the industrial strength lycra Mummy Tummy sucking underwear.  There was only one single occasion where I thought I may wet myself before I could wrench those suckers down in time, and to be fair, that was largely my own fault because I had just been within breathing distance of Woogsworld and Edenland, and Pro Blogger all at the same time.  Who wouldn't almost piss themselves, am I right?  Shameless name dropping, fo sho.  But again, who wouldn't?

It wouldn't be right if I didn't thank my Sponsors of Awesome one last time, so thank you Kellogg's and Chux.  Let me know which of The Feral Threesome you want as payment.  First in, first served. No returns.

I was going to blog all the awesomeness, but others will do it far better than me.  Plus a lot of my comments revolve around the mutual Mummy Tummy lycra knickers elastic snapping of solidarity that took place.  And I wasn't sure you'd all appreciate a massive blog post dedicated to that.

Mega highlight for me was the lovely people who came up and told me I did not totally freak them out or scare them off with my speech.  And the ones who still talked to me after I was seen drinking cask wine on stage while doing my speech.  I truly appreciate all the lovely people who commented on Twitter and came up to me afterwards.  Because I was so sure the cask of wine prop was going to bomb, that I very nearly left it behind.

Anyway I'm going to kick back in the Qantas Club lounge (thanks again to involuntary Sponsor of Awesome, #1Hubby, for creating such a predictable Qantas Frequent Flyer password that I could log-in and upgrade my flights using his points).  In the interest of "TMI", I can confirm that I am in normal undies today, because on the flight over I think I nearly gave myself a hernia on account of the sadistic lycra underwear being so tight and constricting, coupled with me contorting myself into all manner of weird ass (totally Karma Sutra worthy) poses, so as not to disturb the businessman sitting next to me, who had legitimately paid for the privilege of a business class seat, and not stolen the points off his wife to upgrade.  So I'm hanging loose (unfortunately, you can also take that one how you wish) and kicking back to enjoy my wine and food and the ability to breathe freely for my flight home.

I hope all other DPCon12 attendees enjoyed it as much as I did.  I can't wait for DPCon13.  And it totally goes without saying that I will be telling #1Hubby that one is also a full 5 day Conference.


  1. It was an epic weekend in many ways, an absolute highlight for me was meeting you and listening to you talk on Friday night! I loved your prop but was devastated how quickly it was depleted!

  2. I told Mr Woog it was a 2 day conference and he did not flinch.  A 5 day conference is a far better thing.  Thanks for all the laughs and most thanks for the wonderful gift of two his and hers snuggies,  of which I am wearing the leopard print one right now. It now brings a touch of glamour to my mundane mornings. You are freaing hilarious xx

  3. For those that did not attend to we get to read or see your speech ...pleased you had a great time

  4. Mummy Tummy knickers should be banned.  Those things have cut off circulation to my nether regions one too many times.  I'll just pretend my mummy tummy is a beer gut.

  5. Oh I didnt get to hear you story....I had to leave early to catch my flight on time :( Hope there is a recording sometime soon ;)
    It was such a great time...learnt heaps. Hey where can I get some of those Mummy Tummy sucking need them (maybe not for when I am busting to go to the toilet...five kids and I am never going to be able to wait to pee again!) but would be good to have the appearance of a flat tummy.
    Cheers Lisa

  6. The cask completes you, so glad you brought it along. Not that you needed a prop because you are naturally funny (and take that one how you wish).

  7.  You absolutely made my trip.  Next time we are going to hit the bar together.  Metaphorically.  Oh bugger it, literally too.  It was amazing and I'm so glad we got to chat after I outed our alleged faux relationship!

  8.  Good question! I'm not sure.  I believe the speeches were filmed, but I'm not entirely sure if they were then burned for the greater good of humanity.  Rest assured, if they are posted to You Tube I will provide the link just so it gets at least 1 hit other than my Mother.

  9.  I'm with you! I have been known to pat mine, and put my other hand in the arch of my back and just go with looking pregnant. Got me a seat in a crowded waiting room once.

  10.  Oh Lisa...they are truly sadistic and I'm just not confident they're worth it.  Or that you even need them.  Just stand next to me and be thin by association ;-)

  11.  You are so lovely.  I was picturing that "the cask completes you" like that movie scene, in place of "you complete me".  Which is appropriate as I have the same romantic feelings for my wine cask.  It was so lovely to see you again, but far too brief.  Perhaps you should just move to Perth.  Yes?

  12. As I said to you that night (maybe too many times), you were my all time favourite speaker. As soon as you sat that Cardy Cabernet at the podium, I was yours.  Thanks for letting me dance over the top of you too. Got some great shots on my phone which will stay there as long as my demands are met, which is 1. reserve the first dance for me at Nuffnang Blogolopolis; 2. share your cask with me; and 3. don't ever wear Mummy Tummy knickers again, they are an insult to the wonderful thing that is a mother's body (and your tummy dances beautifully without it). xxx


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