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Friday, April 20, 2012

FFS!? Friday : The (alleged) grown up edition

Linking up again with Kmart display wrecking buddy DearBabyG.

This week, I want to talk whine about how becoming a parent, arguably the most grown up and adult of all acts, has actually stripped me of my grown up adult self.

Example 1:

I have a modest collection of high heels.  I keep them in the hope of one day training my poorly co-ordinated self to wear them once again. Some day in the distant future when I don’t spend my time running around after kids or speeding through shopping centres.  Alas, my beloved heels are gradually being relocated to the toy room Dress Up box, as The Feral Threesome assume ownership, one pricey heel at a time, FFS.

They are also far more skilled in walking in said heels than I am, FFS.


Example 2:

Miss6 wears more of my make up than I do, FFS.

Example 3:

My perfume collection has become more chemist than Chanel, FFS.

I have wept tears of sorrow as I attempt to mop yet another spilt bottle from the tiles and/or carpet.  This is because I am too distracted by Twitter to watch all three of my kids all of the time, and instead am lead by scent when I need to locate them.

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve found them based on the strength of the Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue (my personal favourite). FFS.

Now I buy Dora the Explorer kiddy perfume and try and make peace with the fact that we will all smell fruity fresh, FFS.
Example 4:

I buy my wine by the cask. FFS.

For budgetary and mass consumption purposes, and also kiddy safety.  A cask knocked on the floor just makes Mummy nervous that some of that goodness will be wasted.  A bottle knocked on the floor is far more disastrous.

Example 5:

A night out is Sizzler as opposed to the McDonalds drive thru, FFS.

In most cases, I opt for the McDonalds drive thru since it means I don’t have to find clean clothes, brush hair, wipe faces, and find five matching sets of shoes…and that’s before we even leave the house.  Inevitably, soon after being seated someone knocks their drink on the floor, yells inside the restaurant, and creates a scene – and that’s usually just me.

I am indeed a grown up, an adult.  But having kids has relegated me back to childhood in so many ways.  It’s lucky that I have an inherently immature sense of humour to match, can whine for Australia alongside The Feral Threesome, and am not above joining them on the dirty floor of the supermarket in an all-out tantrum.



10 comments:

  1. Just wait until they are teenagers, trust me you will want to regress further ... fetal position in a dark corner of a room. The only solution is a weekly night out to a bingo hall where we can hang with people three times our age. But  wait they still probably wear more make up, perfume and drink more booze than we do.

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  2. I am impressed you have even bought perfume! I can't remember the last time I did!

    As for heels, the last time I tried wearing them was DPCON and I ended up walking home barefoot from St Kilda so I am obviously all class.

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  3. Mmmm, fruity fresh.....
    Also, my shoes are all dress ups. I have to ask my 2yo son for permission and the location of my shoes if I wish to leave the house!

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  4. LOL Loved this post. Mmm Sizzler... I recently went back to Sizzler after 20 years and nothing had changed, just a bit more corriander in the salads. PERFECT!

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  5. Great post! soooooo true!

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  6.  I do need to feel youthful, when are doing this?

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  7.  Yep same here. I was lost trying to find the Ice Bar and DearBabyG - in a mad panic in the dark I took my shoes off and ran. The yuppies dining at the river-side restaurants were disgusted. Heh.

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  8.  Bahaha, gold! I do hope he is generous in loaning your shoes to you!

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  9. More coriander? Wow, they're going all out! As long as they never change the cheesy bread, I will always go back at some point.

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  10.  Thank you. It's all (sad but) true. One day, when I'm old, I'm going to enact revenge on all three of them...

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