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Friday, May 25, 2012

FFS?! Friday

This week's ranty whine is dedicated to Mummy's Little Boy - Mstr3.


He's so freaking lucky he is Mummy's Little Boy, because I would've given him away this week if it weren't for the gorgeous blue eyes and the one single dimple, and the 30 second cuddles before bed that totally wipe out the screaming tantrums and disobedience of the whole day.

First up, swimming lessons.

Walked into a changing room full of other mothers and children.  As the noise dissipates to a very dull roar, Mstr3 is standing in the middle of the room jumping and singing to himself in quite the cute manner.  Old ladies were smiling.  Kids were giggling.  Any illusions of cuteness were blown out of the water when I asked him to come to me so I could take his off his wet bathers.

FUCK OFF! AHAHAHAHA!

Oh no he didn't.

(But yes, he did).

All eyes on me, so I did the right thing and told him how naughty that was, and feigned shock as if I'd never heard him say such a thing before in my life.  I even asked him where he'd heard such an awful thing - you know, because I am clearly the epitome of good parenting and therefore such disgusting words could never have come out of my mouth.

(Just play along and pretend that you're one of the people in the change room who haven't seen me before and don't know any better.)

YOU MUMMY. YOU SAID IT TO DADDY. AHAHAHAHA!

Little mini mofo. FFS.

Clearly my efforts to curb my swearing aren't going too well. FFS.

The Twin Tornado have been suffering the sniffles.  Mstr3 in particular coughs at night and keeps waking me up.  I go rushing in to check on him but he's still asleep.  I am the only one awake. FFS.

#1Hubby plays dead so I have to be the one to go rushing in every single time that happens.  So I donned a pair of ear plugs the other night and firmly told #1Hubby that he was getting up to the twins for the night.  He still slept through it.  So did I.  So did they.  He thinks it's all in my head.  So do they, probably.  FFS.

Mstr3 is refusing to eat dinner this week, just for something different.  I have begged, threatened, bargained, tantrummed - all to no avail.  He will happily sit with the same mouthful of food, chewing away for a good 12 minutes, until I totally lose my shit and he spits it all out at me while laughing hysterically.  FFS.

He whines because he's hungry within 10 minutes of my meltdown signalling the end of dinner. FFS.

#1Hubby chastises me for losing my shit and steps in to take over - this is the first time he's even been aware of the situation, as he's been glued to the TV.  He lasts all of 20 seconds before losing his shit, and then it's back to me again. FFS.
Macca's soft serve he'd eat until he exploded. FFS.

I am going to start taking broccoli in with me when I get up at night to the sound of his coughing.  I will chew it up until it's mushy and sit and wait for his next cough, and then shoot it down his throat with a straw while his mouth is open. FFS.

After typing that, I realise that I may have to actually consider doing it for reals. FFS.


14 comments:

  1. Had a giggle reading this. Sounds so much like me/us and our blonde hair, blue eyed angel/devil child.

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  2. Hahaha, I laughed out loud when I read the part about bub saying he'd heard you say Fuck. Apparently C thought it was funny too as he then ran around the kitchen laughing.

    I'm glad to hear the ear plugs worked and you had a good sleep.

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  3. Oh my lord. Where's that hole to swallow you up when you need it.

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  4. Kids are awesome - when they're asleep. The rest of the time they drive me bonkers!

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  5.  Amen to that. And you are considering a career that sees you with multiple kids when yours are at school?  You are a brave woman.  Take my advice (from my comment on your post).  Vodka.

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  6.  It got worse. I left them in the car - windows cranked, visible from the gate - as I ran in to pick Miss6 up after school yesterday.

    I was in and out and back at the car within 3 minutes.  Still, it was time enough for a parent from playgroup to be standing by my car, as her kids - who had recognised the Twin Tornado from playgroup - stood and chatted to them.

    Totally busted as the shocking mother who leaves her kids in the car....

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  7.  That was the worst part - not that he said it (even though that is awful) - but that he then dobbed me in for teaching it to him!

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  8. They are the worst. They know they can win you over with a twinkle of the baby blues and a cuddle, and all will be forgotten.

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  9. I love how Mstr 3 is totally flipping the bird in the photo where he is eating his soft serve. :)

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  10. I'm fortunate in that the mums at my daycare are as relaxed as I am about those things. Unless they are talking about me behind my back.

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  11.  Thankfully, this Mum was great about it!

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  12. Gawd! My Master 6 hates about 90% of the food we can afford (now, if we could afford porter house steak and organic veggies sautéed in Yak's barf, he'd probably LOVE that!)... He does the 'I hate this so I'm going to chew on it for the next 30 minutes until it's completely liquified and cold and gross in my mouth, and then I'm going to look at you with watery big brown puppy dog eyes while gagging on the putrid puree I've created because you hate me so much you make me eat HEALTHY stuff!'... I lose my shit about once a dinner time, and twice on Sundays...

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  13. OMG! You friggin' crack me up!!!
    One of the twins stubbed his toe while playing with his Grandma. Back in the car, he sat in his seat while surveying his wound, "Oh F--k, Oh F--k" he says. Dropping the F-Bomb in perfect context.
    Luckily his grandma has a sense of humour. She just laughs. But now she knows her daughter in-law has a  mouth of a dirty ashtray.

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  14. LOL! So glad i'm not the only one.I took master 3yo and miss 9mo to the supermarket early one morning before work and master 3 got the mini trolley he loves so much..... I was zooming around trying to get the shopping done as quickly as possible saying 'hurry up mister'....... he proceeded to race after me with trolley and intent look on his face screaming at the top of his lungs 'I'M GOING TO FUCKING GETYOU MUMMY'.

    Of course store went silent and all eyes on me - and I ushered him around the corner of an aisle in embarressment to hide - only to come face to face with my boss!

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