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Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Open letter to Schools and Daycare Centres

Dear Carers,

Great job on the nurturing and educating front.

Seriously, kudos.

I don’t know how you do it.  I, for one, don't have the patience to last one whole day with just The Feral Threesome, let alone multiple consecutive days with masses of kids.

I do know where you turn when it gets a bit too much for you and you need a time out of sorts:

The latest offering
That shit has got to stop.

Especially when you try and palm it off as a heart felt, hand made gift on special occasions.

Teach them how to do a good pedicure or a massage, and that will suit me nicely when Mother’s Day comes around.

But please, as a general rule - if scissors, glue and tape are required, I don’t want it.  Well, okay, that sounds a bit harsh.  I’ll take one single micro item.  You keep the rest to decorate the classroom, okay?
Thank you...I think.  What exactly is it?

Educate them in how to make their beds and mine, hang up their towels, turn their clothes in the right way and then put them in the washing basket.  All useful things that would make my heart sing more than a set of cereal boxes glued together in the least compact manner.

They are so enormous I must use the boot to transport them home.  Delicately – because the architect is present.

Do you know how long I have to house the cities made of recycled cardboard products that came from my own home?  MONTHS.  We have an entire room underneath our stairs that is like Sim City for cereal junkies.  Week by week, I sneak out to the bin the night before garbage collection and discard whichever building is in the greatest state of disrepair, or whose tenants are late with the rent.
My pre-construction nightmare

Imagine how much parents would love you if you replaced box construction time with one of the following educational options:

- Tuning televisions
- Setting digital recording devices
- Cracking blocked/scrambled cable TV channels
- Learning how to speak Mandarin
- Website development
- Budgetting
- Ironing

If you don’t cease and desist with the box construction, I will start providing inappropriate materials in an effort to hamper or halt works:

- Boxes from various bottles of duty free alcohol
- Tampon boxes
- Cigarette cartons
- Condom boxes
- Wine casks
- One single box featuring Angry Birds, so that anarchy reigns and all the kids go wild and feral fighting over it.


Down tools.

Enough of the box construction.


With much love, thanks and adoration,

The only box construction product allowed, fool


  1. Snotface Stinkbum's MumMay 16, 2012 at 6:16 AM

    here, here!!!  and the pieces of paper with one or 2 crayon scribbles? seriously?? I love my kid, but I have examples of his artwork on my walls, literally, I don't need you to send it ALL home!

  2. Oh the lack of ARTISTIC interpretation expressionism you display. For shame!!
    Dontcha know this is how teachers & Carers get you back?
    They ask for boxes, paper and junk so you can get rid of it... Then it's back as ART!
    PS. Garbage night... Good idea!
    I love the sneakiness!!

  3.  Oh yes. I regularly receive what I think are blank pieces of paper, but on closer inspection, appear to have a few squiggly lines on them.  Minimalist art?

  4.  Oh Denyse I was waiting for you to provide "the other side's" opinion!

    I guess they are expressing their artistic sides.  I just wish their artistic awesomeness could be displayed at school and not at home.  You know, so the masses can appreciate it rather than just our little family. Ahem.

  5. I actually don't mind box craft - I'm a bit dissapointed that my DD (who's in prep) dosn't do it this year).  It'd also save me from finding packets with their boxes missing from the cupboard.  

  6.  I'm dreading the Twin Tornado starting Kindergarten next year. I'm sure I'll have a metric tonne of box construction to share around if you're missing having it in the home.

  7. oh gosh I so remember those days! I used to tell my boys I was "Filing it" for safe keeping - lucky they never asked where the filing cupboard was, nor asked if they could see them our bin was the filing cupboard!! Mind you that was after they had played with them for weeks on end...and gee can they take up a lot of space in a home!


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