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Friday, June 1, 2012

FFS!? Friday: The follow-up

Following last week's eating issues, Mstr3 chewed one mouthful of chicken and vegetable risotto for EIGHTEEN MINUTES last night.  FFS.

No shit.  I timed him.

It only ended when he sneezed and it flew across the table and deposited all over my face like a freaking Pro Hart work of food art. FFS.

Mstr3 is also now requesting blue capsicum.  Mini MOFO loves all capsicum, red, yellow, green - but now he wants the non-existent blue.  Of course he does...FFS.

The Twin Tornado are partial to carrot at the moment.  But only if they can grab a whole one from the fridge and start munching away.  Which would be totally awesome, except they get bored with it very quickly, and thanks to my method of parenting via distraction I only find out about this a week or two few days later when rudely poked in the nether-regions by a shriveled up carrot that's been shoved down the back of the lounge, FFS.

As I type this, Miss3 has just taken one bite out of the end of a carrot and informed me that she's had enough.  FFS.

Nobody will touch it again now, even if I cut the end off or cut the whole thing up.  FFS.

I expect the price of carrots to sky-rocket now.  Just like bananas did when my kids first discovered them and couldn't get enough of them. FFS.

I may have to sell my liver a kidney on Ebay to fund phalically shaped fruit and veg for The Feral Threesome. FFS.

I Googled 'carrot on lounge' and 'hidden carrot' and this image came up both times.  What up with that Kimye?!?!

The Twin Tornado were happily eating raw beans the other day, munching away as quickly as I could snap the ends off them.  I was beside myself but totally playing it cool - lest they sense my excitement and realise that means their food of choice is healthy.

I was all "oh alright...I suppose you can have another bean...." making it seem more on the chocolate end of the food scale than the spinach end.

It was working a treat until Miss6 came downstairs and stopped dead in her tracks.

Miss6: "OH. MINE. GOD!  WHAT. ARE. THEY. EATING!?!?!?"

Me: "Shutupshutupshutupshutup!"

Miss6: "EWWW! THAT'S SOOOO GROSE!"

Me: [hissing] "If you shut up I'll buy you that Bratz thingamy"

Miss6: [squealing] "You mean the Bratz Catz that transform from daytime girlz to night time catz?!"

Me: [muttering] "Oh sure, can't remember how to spell 'where', but can rattle off an entire freaking TV ad verbatim..."

Me: [more audibly] "Yes yes sure just shut up about the B-E-A-N-S!"

Silence as Miss6 contemplates 3 things:
  1. the speed with which I've given in,
  2. which therefore means she's on to a bribery-winner and needs to think quickly about what else she wants
  3. that the word I spelled out was beans

Miss6: [slyly] "And also the Bratz Featherageous that lets you create amazing hairstyles with the magic hair tool and feather accstestories?"

Me: "I think you mean accessories."

Miss6: "Yeah. That."

Me: " Fine. Whatever. Remind me to defer to you next time I need to talk your father into something."

Miss6: "OMG. OMG. OMG. THAT IS SO AWESOME! THANK YOU MUMMY! YOU'RE MY BEST GIRL!"

She turns around to run upstairs and bask in her victory.

Just when I think I'm home free - out of pocket for the various Bratz crap, but still home free - she turns back....

Miss6: "TWINNIES! TWINNIES! LOOK AT ME!"

They turn around, mouths full of beany goodness.

Miss6: "Good Twinnies eating your VEGETABLES!"

And with that Mstr3 spat his out, and Miss3 threw hers across the table.

Extra large FFS!
Apparently...

It's a long weekend here, which means that I have to parent Miss6 for a whole extra day on Monday. FFS.

And #1Hubby / 4th Child. FFS.

And the Twin Tornado whose Daycare day is Monday, and therefore I will have no day off this week. FFS.

The Wahmbulance has been called, don't worry.  It's probably not covered by my basic health insurance either, FFS.



10 comments:

  1. haha but at least you can save your hard earned cash now and not have to buy Bratz dolls! You really need a thermomix so you can whiz up those veggies into ultra fine dust and can literally hide it in anything x

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  2. Hilarious!!!   Girls….so damn smart at emotional manipulation!!

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  3. Ha ha! You obviously count your parenting days like me. Your little girl is diabolical (in the nicest possible way). 

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  4. Jess@diaryofasahmJune 1, 2012 at 3:44 PM

    Oh man! That is flippin hilarious!

    Can't blame them on the carrots though. They are so boringly bland!

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  5. "Thank you, Mummy! You're my best girl!!!" - LMAO!
    So, have you made a trip to the mall and bought those "assctestories" ???
    You are so becoming my Friday night blog reading highlight...:)

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  6.  This is true. I'm too scared to investigate exactly what a Thermomix is, as everyone has them and loves them - and they are expensive. Coffee machines before all else!

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  7. So true. I was torn between pride and disgust!

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  8.  She is the worst, in the best possible way.

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  9.  I know, right? And yet if I cut star shapes out of veg they love it - but they still don't really want to eat it...

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  10.  Well since she blew my cover on the vege front, she negated the deal on the Bratz collection. Thankfully, since I believe the collection is extensive and pricey!

    You are too kind Grace - it's probably because you totally get the double attack and twice the stress-testing (and love yada yada yada) that comes with twins!

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