So I had a Colonoscopy on Monday. FFS
My family has a history of bowel cancer, and so we all have to start having them. This is just another way genetics has totally screwed me over, in addition to the omnipresent pot belly, double chins, mono-brow, and other such inherited traits. FFS.
It was nowhere near as traumatic as I'd expected it to be. In fact, it was quite possibly the best uninterrupted couple of hours sleep I've had in 7 years. All was fine, which means that now I have to wait another 5 years before my next blissful slumber. FFS.
I painted my toenails in preparation for the nasty procedure. I figured that I should give the medical peeps something nice to look at while they're poking around all up in mah shit (do I need to say it? Literally...heh).
They told me to leave my holey, faded, crap socks on - so nobody saw my pedicured and painted digits, and instead they saw that I go out in public wearing one black and one grey sock, both seriously in need of funeralising. FFS.
I went to a friend's birthday party Saturday night. Had a ball. Had far too much bubbly. So I spent Sunday severely hung over and jonesing for some fatty, greasy takeaway yumminess. But I was fasting before my procedure, so I was limited to black tea and water. FFS.
Every other bastard in the house had Macca's. FFS.
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| I would've sold my kids for this... |
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| But instead, I suffered through an epic hangover on just this |
I am confident that I've already put back on the 1kg that I lost while fasting. And an extra one for good measure. FFS.
In other news that has also given me the shits this week, heh....
School started back and so now I have to be dressed and somewhat presentable by 8am each day. FFS.
I have actually come to the realisation that school holidays and staying in PJ's all day, wondering if anyone has brushed (teeth, hair, either, both) is preferable to getting up early and packing lunches and fighting for a parking spot 5 days a week. This realisation came to me at the start of another school term, so I only have 9 weeks and 1 day until I can enjoy the slothful bliss of school holidays once again. FFS.
They have finished building next door to us, and a school teacher...wait for it...FROM MISS6'S SCHOOL has moved in. I just know the school staff room is filled with tales of my ranting and raving and frequent occasional swearing. FFS.
I forgot to watch The Shire the past 2 weeks. I LOVE me some crap reality TV. I understand this show to be the ultimate in Aussie crap reality TV. I am devestated to have missed the first 2 episodes, and attempted to console myself with Being Lara Bingle, but I've also been told that the girls on The Shire make Lara Bingle look like a Rhodes Scholar, so that just makes me feel even more disappointed and deprived, FFS.
Clearly I need a digital recording device to replace my broken but still connected 1998 VCR, FFS.
Anyway I'm off to buy socks....
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| Who's in? |
Georgia, get thee to a computer stat. Log onto the net. Google Channel 10, and click on "watch shows". Search for the Oscar winning show in the tv menu & bingo you should be able to catch at least the last show, if not both. I will expect a post or three on the topic of Varnessa & her sidekick. They are actually now my favorites. Hilar! Like helium shaped balloons, but the make me genuinely giggle with their authenticity. They might be fake, but they know it & are quite real about it. I still can't believe the NSW government gave her a license to use 'heavy machinery' in her salon. Scary who's allowed to wield a laser and a heat gun ;-)
ReplyDeleteYou never fail to make me laugh. But I feel guilty because it's at your expense. That's ok, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteI have taped the first two episodes of The Shire on the Tbox, you will have to come over and watch them. Then we can watch reruns of Lara Bingle x Love crap reality TV!
ReplyDeleteI have Geordie Shore on my computer. Epic crappy reality t.v.
ReplyDeleteGlad your pooper is super.
x
Thanks for making me laugh !!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for making me laugh !!!
ReplyDelete"The Shire makes Lara Bingle look like a Rhodes Scholar" - Bwahahahaha! I so needed a laugh today, always guaranteed that you'll do that for me :)
ReplyDeleteIt is more than ok - it makes my whining totally justified!
ReplyDeleteOMG OMG OMG. I just watched part of episode 2. I think Lara Bingle needs to get the 2 fake tax junkies as her new entourage. They would totally make her look sophisticated and....are you ready for it?....SMART!
ReplyDeleteBahaha, thank you! I love Geordie Shore. Good old Charlotte - she comes across as dopey, but she has some brilliant one-liners. And Gary...so totally not jealous when Charlotte pulls....pfft...
ReplyDeleteThank you, thank you - come again. I'm here all week. Have you tried the fish?
ReplyDeleteOh Crap! can you ask the said teacher to move house!!! Gee so glad my kids teachers do not live anywhere near us.....they would really get to see what my boys are like. So glad your sleep was good while in hospital for your colonoscopy ~ how did you manage to sleep in such a place? I hated hospitals because I could never rest there :)
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear all is well down there in that department.