Thank the Vodka Gods, the #1Grandparents have finally returned from their month long
inheritance-draining junket around Cambodia and Vietnam.
My babysitters have returned! Albeit babysitters only good for a couple of hours before they require medicating / wine / a nap.
My shopping buddy of choice, #1Nana, is back and raring to go with the introduction of Sunday trading here in Perth, while she was off gambling away her nest egg in smoke filled Vietnamese casino’s one cent at a time.
The human lolly-dispenser that is #1Pop has returned with dodgy Asian candy to hype The Feral Threesome up far beyond their
levels wildest dreams.
Every time he moves, a chocolate drops to the floor, a Pez dispenser appears, or a
sweet wrapper rustles somewhere on his person.
#1Brother has also returned, which signals the return of my weekend wine companion. Unfortunately, he has returned with much baggage of the whiney variety, having spent such an extended period of time with our parents.
You may recall that I actually joined them in Vietnam last year. Sadly, that was not to be this time. Why, oh why, won’t anyone pay for me to tour the globe, regaling your with tales of wanking workmen atop of the adjacent building?
So this year I stayed home and occupied myself with the odd sullen wish for a delayed flight. Wistful daydream of a hotel booking error that saw all three of them sharing a single room with a single bed, backed up toilet, faulty bathroom door and broken TV.
But I’m totally not bitter about having to stay at home this year. I swear.
To celebrate their return, I decked out #1Brother’s man pad next door (where the #1Grandparents also stay when in the city, since my enormous family pushed them out of their own townhouse that me and mine occupy) with clean sheets and towels for all, a full spring clean, comfort food, scratchies, booze, and an Infographic to help them reacquaint themselves with the rest of the family that they left behind:
We are also all wearing these:
It’s been 24 hours. We are the epitome of a happy extended family.
Nothing says welcome home...we missed you better than peanut butter cookies. Literally.
I give it 2 days until we are all shitting each other to tears once again.