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Wednesday, September 19, 2012

There's no SPORT in TEAM

I'm currently accepting applications for a new sporting club.

You needn't be athletically inclined.

There will be no short pleated skirts, so don't even bother shaving your legs.

No helmet, no protective clothing.

All you require is excellent arm strength and hand-eye coordination for raising a glass, and the ability to commit 100% to the illusion that the team participates in some sort of sporting event.

We can agree on the mythical sport at our first team meeting.



Think about it....which partner would deny you the right to go out and get fit, thus increasing your ability to keep up with the kids?

What rational other-half would hesitate to solo-wrangle the kids for just a few hours a week, while you are participating in a boring female sport in a crap area of town that doesn't have booze or TV's...thus allowing them to stay home and watch all the sport they want, beer in hand, without any complaints or nagging from your good self.

We'll be training once a week, and then there's match day on the weekend.  That's a twice a week pass to go get shit-faced, my friends.

Shit-faced in comfort, no less.  Elastic waisted tracksuit pants and sneakers completely acceptable...since we're playing sport and all.

Club headquarters. Siesta room to the left. Wine room to the right.


Just how do we fund this super secret team of awesome, without alerting our significant other?

I'm so glad I asked....

Participating in sporting teams costs money:
  • Uniforms (Op Shop, school uniform section)
  • Court fees (clearly we need to choose a sport that actually uses a court)
  • Equipment costs (I've got a deflated soccer ball, a few old tennis balls, and a $2 shop kiddy golf set we can use)
  • Coaching fees (I'll put my hand up. I'm very seasoned in recreational consumption as a sport)

All of that equates to at least 1 cheap bottle of wine each, per training session and match day.

And the kicker....

END
OF
SEASON
TRIP


Who's in?



10 comments:

  1. I was the kid who was usually the last to be picked for any sporting team but I tells ya - I wont let the team down on this one. Pick me, pick me, pick me!
    Cheers
    Mumabulous

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm in - so long as I can bring a bottle of Amarula instead of wine !
    Have the best day !
    Me

    ReplyDelete
  3. Of course - we don't discriminate on our team. Your choice will diversify our strengths!

    ReplyDelete
  4. You and me both. I feel that I will be picked first in this instance. And rightly so.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Kelley @ magnetoboldtooSeptember 19, 2012 at 1:39 PM

    I already have the injury that puts me on the bench and in charge of the hard liquor.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm in! I do all my heavy lifting/toddler carrying with my left arm, so I need a sport that strengthens the right one. The bicep curls that would form a major part of the training you suggest would be hugely therapeutic. *grin*

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh I am so in :) Love your idea of Sports. Especially the laid back dress code and the location!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I will cut up the oranges for half time.

    ReplyDelete

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