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Friday, November 2, 2012

FFS!? Friday: Mini MoFo's

Just a few things this week:

1.  The Twin Tornado are screwing with me, FFS.

Again. FFS.

And they're winning. FFS.

They've taken to removing my mouse and hiding it.  They smirk and snicker as I tear the living room up looking for it. FFS.

I'm just waiting for them to hide it in the toilet bowl, their usual disposal/hiding place of choice. FFS.


2a.  The seagulling scabbery continues. FFS.

The Twin Tornado again picked from the food of others at the park, both last week and this week. FFS.

I took them to playgroup at the park, complete with their own snacks.  Snacks they loved and ate.  Then they pretty much demanded apples from one of the other mothers who had given them an apple last week. FFS.  And the week before that. FFS.

We're talking full apples.  Plus crackers from one of the other mothers.  And I had to step in and say please, no more, when the generous apple donor mother even offered up jam sandwiches.

Seriously, Twin Tornado, you're making me look bad.  People are going to think I never feed you. FFS.

Don't let the looks fool you. That is the Twin Tornado's version of a bit fat FU. FFS

2b.  Public humiliation abounds. FFS.

So I took them to the supermarket straight after Playgroup, to buy apples.  I even let them pick their own.  An old lady commented on how good they were to be choosing fruit.

Miss3: "No, actually, because we already eat the apples, actually. Actually these are more, actually."

Said little old lady didn't know we've just been to playgroup and had apples.  She thinks they've eaten them straight from the supermarket display. FFS.

As did the now slitty eyed supermarket attendant who was standing on the other side of the apple display, witnessing the whole exchange. FFS.

Now they all assume I'm the parent that takes their kids in for a feed before paying. FFS.

Obviously I must find a new supermarket now. FFS.

Right when I knew where everything was, on every aisle. FFS.

Little mini mofo's.

34 comments:

  1. I have no problem shutting my 2 up with a couple of grapes. I really think my supermarket should pay me to shop there as they never have what I am after!! My kids are also scabby seagulls, I am not embaressed anymore as I am happy its one less meal I have to prepare!!

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    1. Actually you are dead right. I love when the Twin Tornado scab fruit and veg. I have actually supplied a friend with raw carrot sticks and raw broccoli, covertly, so that my kids would think she'd bought it to the park and therefore they'd want it. Mind boggling logic, but it worked.

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  2. Kids always eat other people's food, even if it's the same shit you bought. My mums groups is used to it now so we just interchange food all the time. I don't think our kids eat what we pack for them ever.

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    1. So true. My first mums group worked that out after a year or so, and we just bought share plates. The confusion on the kids' faces after so long stealing from the plate next to them was gold - suddenly everything was put in the middle and they could go nuts.

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  3. As always - thanks for the laugh - sorry it is at your expense !!!! I hope today is better for you !
    Have a good one !
    Me

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    1. We've got a 5 hour road trip this arvo - it's not looking promising! Obviously I'm taking wine and an esky so I can self medicate as soon as we arrive at our final destination.

      Have a fab weekend!

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  4. Oh, MAN, they are good. You're so screwed, G.

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    1. Totally. Sometimes I'm torn between pride in seeing myself in them, and fear - fear that they're me but a newer, far more cunning version.

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  5. They get the goods because they are so freaking adorable!! Who could resist those two beautiful smiling cherubs ?!? #1Pop should be so proud.

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    1. He is. If he could claim 'fruit of my loins' he would. But that would be useless as there's no more Oprah show for us to feature on. However, there's always Jerry Springer. "Inbred family from Australia storms the stage"...I like it.... (does Springer film near Vegas?)

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  6. My P1 (now 5) used to do exactly the same thing. From about the age of 18 months she would approach strangers in the park and demand food from them. I even remember her grabbing a piece of bread from a smaller child's hand. That was a red faced day for Mumabulous. I cant imagine having to deal with that force multiplied by two. As for the supermarket just go back in there with your head held high. Surely by now you dont have any shame left.

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    1. Bahaha, mine have done the 'snatch and grab' from the hands of another child before too! As if it's not bad enough they're scabbing food from strangers, to take it from the hand of an unknown child....oh the shame!

      I think the supermarket secretly love me regardless of whether or not they suspect me of stealing the odd apple (which I haven't ever done, BTW). They see my overflowing trolley loads full of profit every week, so they'd be stupid to turn me away. Or attempt to frisk me for stolen apples while I'm trying to balance food mountain in a wonky trolley with a severe lean to the left and two whiney 3yr olds grabbing for the bastardly placed lollipops and chocolates at the checkout...

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  7. Oh I've been there with the kids who don't want whatever food I've packed to take to the park. Get's a little embarrassing when they want to share drinkbottles :-o

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    1. Haha, yeah that too. Mine are so used to stealing each others drink bottles that they can't understand why a stranger may freak at them slobbering all over some poor random kid's water bottle.

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  8. Oooh they're good. Thanks for the laugh. I love how cheeky their gorgeous smiles are. My littlest always gets away with murder (ing all of my pens) when she smiles like that.
    I can't tell you how many times I've had to stick my hand in the toilet bowl. I've started flushing unless the toy is over a certain size.

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    1. Haha, I had to buy a pair of long handled BBQ tongs to keep for toilet fishing. I was all full of myself when I came up with the idea...until I 'rescued my first floating victim' - I pulled it out triumphantly and then thought "why the hell did I do that? As if I'm going to touch it / use it / give it back to them now?"

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  9. Kids, they just know how to fuck a mother over! I remember when I was kid anybody's food was better than your own food.

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    1. Yep, same Kylie. It's hard to tell them off and discipline them when I used to do it too. But that doesn't stop me from trying.

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  10. Love it! Just LOVE it! Hubby actually encourages the twinlets to "try" the different fruit in the supermarket. I end up standing a good metre away from the trolley so no one associates me with the pleb family who can't afford to buy fruit...

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    1. Bahaha, I would too! #1Hubby refuses to go shopping with them. He's too smart to get stuck with them.

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  11. Seriously why do they do it!!! Little miss through the biggest tantrum in the supermarket the other day that I grabbed one of those really expensive food pouches, ripped the lid off & shoved it in her gob. It worked, I finished my shopping & handed the empty pouch over at the register. It's the first time I've ever done it, I felt horrible.
    Prue x

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    1. I do it every time I go shopping. I pack snacks, but I almost always run out and have to resort to some pricey, fancy packaged and crazy expensive kiddy treats.

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  12. Prue, I can't believe that is the first time you've handed over an empty packet at the supermarket!! I do it all the time with my Miss2, and have even been known to hand over fruit with toddler-sized bites already taken out. I just tell the checkout person to put their thumb on the scale to make up the weight difference. They are usually more concerned about getting toddler-slobber on their fingers. lol
    TIff

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    1. That is genius - I'd love to give them fruit instead of packaged crap. I just assumed I couldn't as they need to be weighed. I'm going to try this next time I take the Twin Tornado shopping.

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  13. I AM SO GLAD TO READ THIS!!!! (Yes, I had to yell). Chai does the same thing! I take food to playgroup and he won't eat it and yet he will eat exactly the same food if someone else gives it to him. He also scabs food off the floor and steals it off other kids when their parents aren't looking. Same goes for drinks.

    I'm sure all the other parents think that I don't feed him at all as their children are perfectly well behaved and eat whatever they are offered. FFS.

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    1. We should totally go to the same playgroup - my kids are the feral ones, eating everything in sight, while every other child is perfectly behaved and knows their boundaries.

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  14. My boys always seem to be starved when in the company of others! At least the tornados regularly hide things in the toilet bowl- so you can find them. I last saw my car keys a week ago with my one year old- they were my only pair and will take over $500 to replace FFS!

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    1. Oh noooo. You absolutely win. I'd be devestated!

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  15. What is it about other people's food?? I can pack a gourmet picnic of things I know the kids love and STILL someone else's lunch is more enticing. At least at school/kindy they're very strict about not sharing food - it's a start!

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    1. I am dreading kindy next year. Mine will be wandering around the circle at recess time, sampling everyone elses food like it's a buffet. The teacher will have a helluva time getting them to understand that they have to stick to their own food.

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  16. Good luck with that! LMAO at your FFS Friday post - as always!
    Now that Summer is here, you can totally visit the supermarket in a big hat and sunglasses. They'll never recognise you.

    BTW... It seems I haven't visited here in a while, love the new look. :-)

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    1. Go shopping in disguise - genius idea! I'm going as Octomom. Octomom while the older kids are at school. I just need some fake lips and boobs now.

      New blog design is about 2 weeks old now. I love it. Totally not my own work, so I can't take credit for it either.

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  17. Hey at least they are eating healthy meals! And gosh they are so very cute ;)

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    1. That is true. The healthy bit. The cute bit, not so much - as I type this, one has a whole fist inserted in his mouth and the other one is licking the fly screen door. I'm missing the cuteness right now!

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