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Friday, December 7, 2012

FFS!? Friday: Ho freakin' Ho

Where my Ho's at, yo?

The Feral Threesome commenced constant festive whiney begging and pleading for EVERYFREAKINGTHING around October.  We’re talking 2 months of bleedy ears style whining for everything.  Observe the most constantly whined for items:

- Tyres and toilet paper (Mstr3)
- A BMW and snail pellets (Miss3)
- A brand new series of the long since finished and never to
  be repeated Hannah Montana (Miss7)

Initially and stupidly, I attempted to reason with them:

Explaining to Miss7 that I can’t just call Hannah Montana up and request she make a comeback season of her hit TV show just for her. FFS!?

She is too busy planning a teen wedding to a hot Aussie actor, before he realises he’s become more famous than her and loses interest.

Reasoning why toilet paper doesn’t actually count as a Christmas present, and tyres are expensive and useless a good 13 years before Mstr3's old enough to drive. FFS!?

Clearly I’m the moron here, as loo paper would make for a very easy, cheap and  useful Christmas gift.

I’ve given up listing the reasons why Miss3 won’t be getting a BMW four wheel drive for Christmas. FFS!?  Oh, or snail pellets, don't worry.

Because it simply wouldn't fit in her stocking, and besides, Mummy’s more of a Bogan 2002 Holden Commodore Station Wagon Mercedes kind of girl.

Nothing says Christmas like a festive FFS!?
Clearly someone had a bit too much time on their hands (No FFS!?)

Why can’t my kids ask for something logical, affordable, attainable.

Like Mermaid Dora.

A talking Dinosaur Train dinosaur.

Or a Total Girl DIY jewellery kit.

You know, stuff I’ve had hidden in the wardrobe for months. FFS!?

Gifts appropriate to their ages.  FFS!?

Gifts they bloody wanted months ago, and had whined and whined for.

Until such time as I covertly purchased them and put them away for Christmas.

At which point they stopped asking for them and instead started demanding car parts, toilet equipment and personalised TV series’. FFS!?

I’m so tempted to change tactic next year and actually get them all the stupid shit they ask for.

Especially the BMW.

Keep your eyes peeled for the next YouTube hit series, featuring yours truly as a slightly older and lumpier Hannah Montana, in the years after her singing career ended and it all turned to shit.

It's where street Santa hangs with his Ho's,
ncluding the older and lumpier former child star Hannah Montana


  1. I love the festive FFS!! That will really be showing them who the boss is buying that bmw!!

    1. I know, right? Purely in the interests of educating them and ahh something else responsible and parent like. Ahem.

  2. I stopped buying mine at the sales except for the babies because of this. My year old wants a big pencil case, I think I can manage that!

    FFS get that kid a packet of Quilton to show you love his bum :P

  3. The Big Sister wants a mermaid swimming in a tank with seaweed FFS! Hope the sea monkeys I have stashed in the spare room are going to tick that box!

  4. Funny - I'm having a FFS Friday, just tried to put up the tree, and nothing was good enough for my 3, they wanted more lights, different decorations. I've told them they need to start being happy with what they've got!
    As for presents, my kids are young enough to be easy to buy for! Husband getting socks, chocs and a day off listening to me whinge!

  5. haha definitely makes me glad mine doesn't understand what Christmas is yet, he is happy with empty boxes wrapped in colourful paper, I could probably even make it newspaper and he wouldn't care. Although, I could whine on his behalf for a BMW 4WD that sounds good to me!!

  6. 1) in one of the catalogues there have been little 12v mercs and beamers for little ones. :)
    2) dont even bother with the mermaid dora bath toy. Got Miss 5-next-week one last year for xmas. tail flaps, makes a lot of noise, but DOES NOT SWIM!

    3) I hate christmas shopping. I hate how the shops are full of people, I hate how everything I want is sold out, (ie, Miss 5-next-week wanted a furby for her birthday, only one i could get was in Whitfords. and it was the second last one and more expensive than everywhere else) And I hate having to find appropriate giftage for people.

    Bah Humbug.

  7. LMAO! Go for the toilet paper!!!

  8. A bmw 4 wheeler?! At least she is aiming high lol.


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