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Wednesday, December 19, 2012

My ideal 12 days of Christmas

Skippping to the final verse....

On the twelfth day of Christmas, I wish my family would give to meeeee...

12 bottles of boo-ooze
Outrageously expensive stuff. Nothing in cardboard.

11 dinner dates
A year. I would’ve gone for 12 so it’s once a month, but I’d rather maximise the booze.

10 macarons
Per week.

9 friends who can’t seeeeeeeee...
the state of my house because they are blinded by the cask wine and therefore I don’t have to clean. Or buy expensive wine for them.

8 Casks of wine
For when I’m entertaining. So I don’t have to share my 12 bottles of outrageously expensive booze.

7 classy outfits
Ones without kiddy carnage.  That don't require ironing.

6 holidays a year
Why not go for broke?  I’m sure I can save up my good parenting for the alternate months that I’m at home.

5 Magic Mike cast members
For in-home entertainment superior to 3D TV

4 centimetre lift
Upwards in the boob region

3 well behaved kids
The same ones I already love and cherish, just minus the feralocity, shouting and whining.

2 monthly visits by a cleaner
One with forensics experience. Shit gets real ugly at Parental Parody palace.

1 Nannyyyyyyy
Duh, what else?  Maybe a George Clooney, but if I’m honest, I need the Nanny more than the George. Sorry, George.


  1. I'm glad you didn't stick the nanny in a pear tree! Great list. I hope Santa is listening. x

  2. I will take two.

    And 12 bottles of patron tequila.



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