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Friday, February 22, 2013

FFS!? Friday : The no FFS!? edition

There will be no FFS!?ing today, my friends.

Instead, as you read this, I will be blissfully unaware and completely out of it, while my beloved, witty, Scottish surgeon goes all Edward Scissorhands on my middle.

Finally, after over 3 years and more than 40kg (90lbs) of weight loss, today is tummy tuck day. No FFS!?

Or, in my case, medically required massive abdominoplasty day.

Because I don't do things by halves.  I was all like "bitch please, standard or minor tummy tucks are for wimps....".

Thanks to my mad Google skillz while trying to find a 'tummy tuck funny' pic for this post (funnily enough...there are none - go figure...), I am now, the night before, graphically aware of just how extensively I'll be cut from top to bottom, side to side, a lot like gutting a fish.

NOICE...and you're all exceptionally welcome for the TMI descriptive over-sharing and resultant visuals. Heh.

 I’m all kinds of excited.

I’m also slightly sad, which is weird.  Not scared, just sad.

I’ve become quite attached to my enormous, deflated balloon middle.

I’m used to rolling that bad boy up and doing origami style moves to shove it into my clothing.

It’s my reminder of how far I’ve come, how much weight I’ve lost.

But today's the day.  My end-goal, the final result.

Now I’m going to enjoy a week in a hospital room that is my own. No FFS!?

Nobody sharing my bed. No FFS!?

Nobody to negotiate TV viewing with. No FFS!?

Nobody busting in on my toilet time. No FFS!?

Someone else cooking and serving my meals. No FFS!?

Someone else making my bed. No FFS!?

Someone else cleaning my room. No FFS!?

Someone listening to me whine.  No FFS!?

Then providing me with little pills to quell my whining. No FFS!?

I'll be able to shop for clothes in the normal section from now on, instead of the generously-waisted maternity section. No FFS!?

No more wearing maternity jeans.  Backwards (True story).  No FFS!?

For the first time in my entire life, I’ll be able to wear clothes that don’t have an elastic waist. No FFS!?

Normal undies, none of that lycra crap. No FFS!?

All of that after 6-8 weeks in this bad boy:

Dead Sexy
No clue how to tell the front from the back

I’m seeing it as a mega send off to all the sadistic lycra tummy-sucking undies I’ve worn religiously for so many years.

So, you see, there’s no FFS!?ing today.

But I guarantee I’ll be back with lots of whiney FFS!? moments next Friday.

For now, I'm ready for my sponge bath, Dr Ross


  1. Good luck today and well done for reaching your end goal. I am insanely jealous of your week and I really hope Dr Ross gives you that sponge bath!!

  2. Thinking of you today - positive thoughts of you emerging at the end of 6-8 wks just as you want to be .
    A great achievement on the weight loss.

  3. WOOOHOOOOOO - well done on your weight loss !!!!! I am sure that it will all go really well - how many No FFS! have you got this week - lucky lady !!!!
    Enjoy all that 'me' time and people pandering to your every wish - take full advantage of it !!!!!
    Take care and look after yourself (only after eveyone else stops taking care of you !!!!)
    Sending heaps of positive healing energy your way !

  4. That's so exciting and yet scary all at once. I'm hoping that you get all the gorgeous male heterosexual nurses (I'm not homophobic, I just want you to have a good time in hospital). And just remember that in a hospital it's quite normal to be asked whether your bowels have moved or if you've passed wind.

  5. Oh man, a sponge bath from Dr. Ross, oh how I would love one of those!

    Goo luck with it all, hope you're not in too much pain afterwards, and if you are, I hope they keep a steady stream of awesome pain killers heading your way!

  6. WOW that is awesome. Awesomely awesome. BIG best wishes on the next part in this journey, because I guess it's not really over until you're wearing clothes that you don't have to think hard about anymore. Then it's done. Question - will they stitch up those annoying separated abs down the middle of your stomach too? Make sure you eat ALL THE PILLS.

  7. I'm out of touch, I don't know what FFS!? means! But I love your blog...just discovered it now through FYBF. Good luck with your op. And congratulations on your mega weight loss. It can't have been easy! Zanni @ Heart Mama x

  8. Well done and all the best - what a legend to have lost so much weight - SHIT HOT! I hope you're not in too much pain for too long after op. Can't wait to hear how it went, how you feel. Say hi to George from me - CHA CHING!!!! xxx

  9. Sounds like you're going to a 5 star retreat rather than hospital! We'll be thinking of you and just know you're gonna come back all fabulous...biiiatch :) x

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