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Wednesday, February 20, 2013

I'm mad as hell

Warning:  Totally random post not remotely in my usual sarcastic stylings today.



My apologies if it’s a bit negative.  But it’s been on my mind since Friday, and I’m furious.  The only thing I can think of to help calm my anger so that I don’t go all postal about it, is to get on my soapbox, get ranty, and spew it all forth on here.



So….




It’s that moment that makes every parent feel sick to their stomach.



Your child comes to you, hours after getting home from school, bursts into tears completely out of the blue and says



“Mummy I was not happy today at school”



My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach.



You see, my Miss7 is all kinds of awesome.  How some other kids don’t see it is beyond me.



Perhaps it’s her minor delays and developmental issues (Global Developmental Delay and Auditory Processing Disorder) that mean she can have trouble interacting and communicating with her peers at times.

Not a massive deal, and not to a large degree, but occasional and mild and slightly troublesome when dealing with 7 year olds who just don’t have the same patience, tolerance and understanding that adults have.



It took all my strength to not bawl for Australia, alongside my precious girl, as she explained to me why she was so distraught.



She simply doesn’t understand why another girl (same age, same year, different classroom), someone she’s never had issue with, never really had anything to do with at all, would choose to pick on her.



“Mum why was she mean to me?"



“But Mum why did she pick on me?"



“Why did she kick the toilet door, scaring me, kicking while I was trying to go to the toilet?"

"I only go to the toilet during class time now Mummy, because she won’t be there”.



Heart.  Breaking.



Wanting so hard to fight her battles that she’s just not equipped to fight herself yet.



A little bit wanting to bitch slap this bully up-side the head, because I know for a fact that she’s sent other little girls her age into floods of tears on account of her menacing behaviour, all within 2 weeks of school starting.



How does a 7 year old girl even fathom what intimidation is?



What is their life like, that they have such nastiness built up?



Where does all that anger come from when the most they should be concerned about in their little worlds is recess, learning sight words, mastering addition and subtraction, and maybe a spot of Barbie or Disney princesses and sports?



Seriously, I want to know?



I’m trying to feel empathy for this other girl.  I have no clue what her own world is really like.



I’m consumed by angst on behalf of my Miss7.



She’s a tall girl, very tall for her age.



You’d easily assume she could stand up for herself.



But she’s the most meek, unsuspecting, naïve and easily hurt kid that I know.



And I won’t stand for it.



She deserves to be a sweet little girl who occasionally gives her mother a smart mouth from time to time.



Not a distraught, sobbing mess who doesn’t understand why another girl would make her feel so bad.

It's taking every ounce of my strength and better judgement to not scream and shout and make a helluva lot of noise about it.

I'm trying hard not to play into her fear.  I'm fighting the urge to 'tap in' and handle it for her.

I'm telling myself to trust that the school has got this, and knows how to best deal with it. 



I don’t want her to be anything like the bullies, like this other 7 year old girl who got up in her face and said to her “you shut your mouth, you understand?



I don’t want her to learn that fear and intimidation are powerful and effective.



I don’t want her to just shut her mouth.



18 comments:

  1. You have every right to be angry. No child should ever have to deal with that. And that other little girl obviously needs an awful lot of help or she is one day going to be a big girl with some very enormous issues.

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  2. That is such a hard dilemma for you. My children (now aged 12 and 9) have had issues in school over the years, and it's a very hard decision to make about whether to intervene or not. Sometimes I have, sometimes I haven't. There's no easy rule.
    Hope your Miss 7 is feeling better today :)

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  3. Oh no - that is so awful to hear. I would suggest maybe speaking to her teacher to make sure that the school is aware of what is happening and find out from them if any other children have had similar issues. Having worked in a school there were times that we were totally unaware of what was happening in the playground but when we found out about it we could keep an eye on it and step in when needed. There is a difference between interfering and making sure that they are aware of what is going on in their school grounds.
    It is heart breaking when things like this happen to our children - we want to protect them as much as we can but, like the story with the butterfly coming out of the coccoon, if we try to protect them too much we can actually hinder development.
    She definitely shouldn't feel intimidated and fearful of going to school and absolutely she shouldn't shut her mouth.
    Sending heaps of positive energy and big hugs to you both !
    Me

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  4. Sad. But am glad your girl told you.

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  5. Good on miss 7 for telling you but I would mention it to the school as they may have no idea. I thought all schools in Australia had a no tolerence on bullying policy? My heart breaks for you all and I honestly have no idea how I would handle the situaion if it was my child. I hope everything is ok very soon.

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  6. OH miss 7! Can I come and give her a cuddle? Proud of her for telling you. I have no idea what the next step is, when you figure it out, let us know x

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  7. :-( so sorry to hear this is happening to your little girl. I think if it were me I'd be checking in with the school. xx

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  8. Oh no, that must be terrible to hear. It's good that she's comfortable telling you, though.
    I am years off this so have no advice. Just hugs. I hope the school is aware of all of this going on. x

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  9. Feeling your pain, that sick feeling in your stomach. Sending you and Miss 7 strength, hope it all works out, quickly, painlessly and with no more tears.

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  10. Oh no, this is terrible. She should feel safe and secure at school. It is definitely worth mentioning to her class teacher - sometimes they don't realise the extent of it because the have a classful to teach, but once they know, they might have ways of dealing with it while making your lovely girl feel happier.

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  11. I so feel for the little girl who thinks its ok to go around doing that to other children...what she must be learning would be very scary.
    I have no idea how you can handle this - but your daughter is so very brave for letting you know.
    School bullies happen at any age, at any school and the school hands are so tied. There are so many rules and laws yet the innocent are not protected xx

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  12. God - that's horrible. I feel your anger and I know how hard it is to work out the course of action when you're all torn up. Your poor munchkin. I'm still doing the baby steps with miss 5 this year, but I've been trusting my gut on the diabetes stuff (as far as when to push and speak up) and so far it's worked out. Good luck or instinct, I'm not sure! If you think you need to speak to the teacher, do it. I've seen my girls stand up for themselves before, and they say 'STOP IT. I don't like it.' It might not work against a bully, but it might help your little girl feel a bit more in control, if you give her the words. x

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  13. Good on Miss 7 for coming to you. I would check if she has already spoken to the teacher herself and if not, go with her this first time but encourage her to explain to the teacher what has happened herself. Good luck with it all x

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  14. Thanks everyone for all the comments and suggestions.

    It was too much to reply to each of you individually, basically saying the same thing - thank you!

    Incident was reported by Miss7 to her teacher, as per the school guidelines. The same student has since acted out in the same way with 2 other girls in the toilets 2 lunch times this week.

    So the school are as on to it as they can me, given the escalation.

    For Miss7's part - no further incidents, and she's told her best buddy in year 1 to let her know if she's ever scared, or if she wants someone to walk to the toilets with her - I'm so freaking proud.

    Onward and upward and fingers crossed, and a sincere thanks for all the support and suggestions.

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    Replies
    1. That's a great outcome. It sounds like your miss 7 is a leader. Good for her. :-)

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  15. What a heart breaking post! I am so happy that the school has been notified and something is being done. Under no circumstance should that behaviour be tolerated - regardless of age.
    Hope Miss 7 sails through the year without having to face that bully again
    big hugs to you for handling it so well xx

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  16. Glad something has been done, and so glad Miss 7 was able to tell you. Hope it's onwards and upwards from here for everyone.

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  17. Bullying in school and playground is hard reality. We cannot always be with our kids so we have train them how to handle it on their own.

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