I can’t blog today.
I’m too busy being consumed by angst and anxiety.
The school Easter P&C raffle is my job this year.
In true style, I started late, didn’t achieve nearly as much (donations, ticket sales) as previous years, and generally screwed it up just a little bit in every conceivable way.
As a result I’m convinced the school will go broke, kids will start wagging and dropping out, and suddenly cars will be set on fire and there will be a riot of 4 – 10 year olds thanks to my efforts.
Today, the Easter Bunny suit that we had to buy, because *someone* left it too late to hire one, is due to arrive.
For the big assembly TOMORROW.
Who wants to guess the likelihood of the suit arriving on time?
Who swear they have never had a late delivery from their overseas supplier.
If it’s not here by midday I’m going to Coles and Woolworths to buy all the cotton wool balls and glue they have, in preparation for my DIY bunny suit.
And extra chocolate to beef up the raffle prizes.
And then I’ll sell a kidney on Ebay or Craig’s List to buy all the raffle tickets that didn’t sell.
In order to avoid the anarchy that will reign when the kids see the paltry raffle prizes, the half arsed and clearly
slightly intoxicated drunk cotton wool ball covered freak who is allegedly
the Easter Bunny…and
therefore why would a clearly identifiable school Mum be dressed as THE Easter Bunny, Mummy and Daddy???
I have a plan.
I am going to throw mini Easter Eggs at them.
Like projectile missiles.
If I’m lucky, they’ll be stunned and/or concussed and/or knocked out and won’t realise the utterly shit job that I’ve not quite pulled off.
Or fall into sugar comas while eating all the chocolate.
And then, when it’s finally all over, I’ll probably be called into the Principal’s office for a ‘please explain’ on why we raised what I’m guessing will end up being 1/3 of what we have in previous years.
On the plus side, there’s a bloody good chance The Feral Threesome will win at least one of the prizes each, since my guilt has seen me spend all my booze money on raffle tickets to beef up the sales.
And also, I bet they never ever trust me with the Easter Raffle again.
What's the worst that can happen (apart from the degradation of values in a whole generation of youth leading to the downfall of society as we know it). They may sack you or cut your pay?ReplyDelete
This is true. I never considered the possibility they may ask me to step down from the P&C all together. Which would leave me with lots more time to play Candy Crush Saga, and be one of the parents who stand back and shake their head in a disapproving manner at the P&C's efforts which are not up to their standards.Delete
Wishing you all the luck in the world!!ReplyDelete
Thank you - it worked. The Bunny (suit) is in the building! I repeat, the Bunny (suit) is in the building! And, I was blessed with masses of raffle ticket sales in the past day. Dear Vodka Gods, I may actually pull this one off after all!Delete
LOL - hope you will post some photos of the Easter Bunny in the above-mentioned suit which, thankfully, arrived on time !!!!ReplyDelete
Have the best Easter !
I would, but I don't think the volunteer Mum would ever forgive me. Considering she had to cut air holes into the suit, and I've suggested a vodka tube - you can imagine how jazzed she is to be wearing it.... No evidence allowed I think.Delete
The Mayan calender was clearly wrong. The world ends tomorrow. The epicenter of the apocalypse being YOUR school.ReplyDelete
Exactly right. But, just like the Mayans, it seems it was a false alarm. The bunny suit was recently delivered, and when I opened the P&C box after school drop off (and after writing this post), there was an official shit load of raffle ticket purchases. I am now a raging success, and expecting a bronze statue in my likeness at the entrance to the school.Delete
Dont panic there is ALWAYS a last minute rush with raffle tickets then you will be paniced trying to screw thwm up to be in the big draw!!!! Our kinder raffle (I organised and had the same reaction to you!!!) Made half the money raised in the last half hour before the draw. Keep drinking the vodka and may be take a hip flask in case you are dragged into a "please explain" meeting and then you can share the love!!! Those that judge are the ones that sit on their bums and not do anything in case they fail!!!!ReplyDelete
You are so right. The bastards all left it until today - the day AFTER ticket sales closed, to put my mind at ease and call off the impending end of the universe.Delete
Bahahahahha, after many many years on my kid's school P and C I soooo feel your pain. This is my first year in a long time where I am a volunteer only - no executive roles. It means I get to help just when I feel like it and sit back and watch others stress when I don't feel like it. Good luck, the raffle will be great.ReplyDelete
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