I can’t blog today.
I’m too busy being consumed by angst and anxiety.
The school Easter P&C raffle is my job this year.
In true style, I started late, didn’t achieve nearly as much (donations, ticket sales) as previous years, and generally screwed it up just a little bit in every conceivable way.
As a result I’m convinced the school will go broke, kids will start wagging and dropping out, and suddenly cars will be set on fire and there will be a riot of 4 – 10 year olds thanks to my efforts.
Today, the Easter Bunny suit that we had to buy, because *someone* left it too late to hire one, is due to arrive.
For the big assembly TOMORROW.
Who wants to guess the likelihood of the suit arriving on time?
Who swear they have never had a late delivery from their overseas supplier.
If it’s not here by midday I’m going to Coles and Woolworths to buy all the cotton wool balls and glue they have, in preparation for my DIY bunny suit.
And extra chocolate to beef up the raffle prizes.
And then I’ll sell a kidney on Ebay or Craig’s List to buy all the raffle tickets that didn’t sell.
In order to avoid the anarchy that will reign when the kids see the paltry raffle prizes, the half arsed and clearly
slightly intoxicated drunk cotton wool ball covered freak who is allegedly
the Easter Bunny…and
therefore why would a clearly identifiable school Mum be dressed as THE Easter Bunny, Mummy and Daddy???
I have a plan.
I am going to throw mini Easter Eggs at them.
Like projectile missiles.
If I’m lucky, they’ll be stunned and/or concussed and/or knocked out and won’t realise the utterly shit job that I’ve not quite pulled off.
Or fall into sugar comas while eating all the chocolate.
And then, when it’s finally all over, I’ll probably be called into the Principal’s office for a ‘please explain’ on why we raised what I’m guessing will end up being 1/3 of what we have in previous years.
On the plus side, there’s a bloody good chance The Feral Threesome will win at least one of the prizes each, since my guilt has seen me spend all my booze money on raffle tickets to beef up the sales.
And also, I bet they never ever trust me with the Easter Raffle again.