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Monday, March 4, 2013

Observations from the bedroom


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But not like that y'all....

Week 1 of being confined to bed, laying flat and still in the interest of attached muscles and non-rejecting brand spanking new belly buttons and all that sorta thing, has provided me with ample time to observe things I'd normally be far too busy and pre-occupied to bother with.


Self reflections

As if I'd even start to go there....


Location observations

The bedroom ceiling fan is in danger of falling onto my fresh new tummy on account of the weight of dust on top of it.  Must remember to get up there and clean it.  Preferably before summer 2017.

There's a dried floral arrangement on the wall above the bed head.  Left over from before I moved the #1Grandparents out to stay next door with #1Brother thanks to my own exponentially increasing family.  I have convinced myself that a family of lethal spiders is nesting all up in that arrangement, coming down at night to crawl into my ears and nostrils.  Makes for a pleasant sleep each night.


Surrounding area observations

I'm convinced the neighbour behind us is housing a meth lab.  He's never seen, only comes and goes late at night, and leaves the lights on for days at a time.  Which totally adds up to running a clandestine meth lab, right? 


Television observations

Sons of Anarchy...yes I'm totally late to the party, but how awesome is this series?  Thank the Vodka Gods for Foxtel iQ recording, I have the whole first season to watch while trying not to get up and do shit.

The Real Housewives of all the world...where my New Yorkers at?  Why have I not seen Countess Luanne and her thinly veiled superiority complex in forever?  And crazy eyes Ramona?  I miss you 'real' ladies.

National Geographic Adventure channel...not bloody happy Foxtel!  You've removed this from the standard package of included channels.  Now I have to pay an extra $20 a month (which I won't be doing, because I simply can't justify that for one single channel) for your bloody "Documentary & Adventure" package if I want my fix of Eat Street, Banged Up Abroad and other such gems.  May the fleas of a thousand camels infest both your arm pits and your boy bits...


Conclusion

Save me.  Save me now.  This is what my days and thoughts are consumed by while confined to bed.

Nevermind ensuring my wound heals properly, I may well die of boredom before it has the chance.



4 comments:

  1. I think that the only time it's good to be confined to bed is when you're really desperately sick. Like running a 40C fever. When you're confined to bed without the desperately sick part it just screws with your head. Hope you're on the mend really soon.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your neighbour might not be running a meth lab ... maybe it's just a hydroponic marijuana installation.

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  3. Hope you are healing well , it sucks being in bed and not being desperately sick.

    ReplyDelete

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