Friday, April 19, 2013

FFS!? Friday : Car crap and crap cars

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A literal crap car.  Multi-purpose engineering genius.

As mentioned in Monday's post, and whined about on Facebook, I had extensive car troubles last week.  FFS!?

Ye Olde Holden Commodore bogan wagon worked perfectly one minute, and literally 3 minutes later, it wouldn't unlock from the remote and it wouldn't start.  FFS!?

While #1Hubby and his car were away.  FFS!?

I was suddenly and unexpectedly without wheels.  Car free.  Sans automobile.  At the worst possible solo-parenting time.  FFS!?

I am not that mother who happily walks to and from school every morning and afternoon.  FFS!?

It was also the one single week that it's rained in recent months.  FFS!?

Timing is a bitch.

Much investigation took place between the completely unqualified and inexperienced.  #1Brother, #1Hubby via phone, and I discussed something we collectively know bugger all about.

Clearly it was an issue with my key remote, not the engine.  So I stupidly suggested disconnecting the battery and hoping that would reset the computers and immobiliser.

Cue much hysterical laughter and disgust from both #1Brother and #1Hubby who know soooo much more about cars because they have dangly bits between their legs.  FFS!?

So instead I found someone who could replace my key's 'head' immediately and far cheaper than the car dealer.  No FFS!?

I was taking care of shit.  I was all like "I am woman, hear me roar".....  No FFS!?

Only it still didn't work.  FFS!?

A mobile Auto Electrician was called out for the sum of $200.  FFS!?

This expert tradesman disconnected the battery to reset the computer and electronics and #1Hubby's spare key worked first time.  FFS!?

Collective sons of bitches to whom I am related refused to let me have my moment of I TOLD YOU SO!   FFS!?

The $200 call out fee was totally worth the glory.  No FFS!?

Until said tradesman pointed out that my new key would never work, because it was coded to the wrong year, wrong model car.  FFS!?

Which was absolutely 100% undeniably my doing.  FFS!?

Essentially, I had cost us an extra $200 and 3 car-less days.  FFS!?

I'm also now eternally indebted to #1Brother and he has first rights to any vital organs he may require in the future, on account of loaning me his car to do the school runs last week - for a grand total of approximately 12 minutes worth of driving time.  FFS!?

He was beside himself with worry that his beloved nieces and nephew would touch something or breathe on his upholstery.  Heaven forbid.

I was beside myself that they'd leave a grain of sand in the car or move too much and leave behind some trace DNA evidence.  FFS!?

#1Hubby thinks it all went fairly smoothly.  But he would say that, since he arrived home directly after it was fixed.  FFS!?


  1. If it wasn't so sad it would be funny !!!! I was so fist pumping when I read what the auto electrician did - but then quickly brought it down when I read that you had bought the wrong key !!!
    Have the best weekend and thank you for a great start to my day !

    1. I was so close to a gloaty moment of victory I could taste it...

  2. Same thing happened to us just a few weeks ago. We ended up spending nearly $1000 dollars because #3 son lost our spare key in a taxi. I remember a simpler time when you just put a key in a hole and turned it and it would go - no immobilizers and no computers.

    1. Ah yes, I was fond of those days too. Except I always locked my key in the car and had to call the RAC out. Clearly I was meant to have a chauffeur.

  3. I would have been fist-pumping and demanding written apologies from the dangely ones!
    I've had my share of immobilizer problems too - painful! Glad it's sorted now! x

    1. I would've, and I'm certain I could have had my moment of gloaty victory - except there's 2 of them and 1 of me and they just backed each other up and focussed on the whole wrong key thing.

  4. oh again you made my day! Damn that key that did not work, and that is no not your fault.....the key company should have picked up on their wrong mistake of copy the wrong one!

    1. You are so right. It was the man who replaced the key head, plus the man child (#1Hubby), and the other man child (#1Brother). It was clearly all the fault of all of the men. If only they were like me. Ahem.

  5. I would have demanded a rental!!

    1. I should've. It was pure torture having to borrow #1Brother's car. I've never been so scared of a child sneezing or leaving a grain of sandpit sand somewhere they shouldn't.

  6. Shit I would've been pulling my hair out - I hate spending money on things like that! I hope you've had enough dramas and this week is less stressful! Although thanks for the laugh!

    1. I was furious. Here I was thinking I'd just saved some $$$ having shortened my BlogHer trip, and at least I'd have some spare cash for essentials (new shoes, trip to hairdresser, vodka)...and most of it gets sucked up by the bloody car. A car which I've never liked either.

  7. I hate car dramas...they send my stress levels to an all time high!
    And you sooo should've had your moment of glory!

    1. I'm really regretting not having a gloat now. If it ever happens again, I'm all over it.


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