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Friday, May 24, 2013

FFS!? Friday : Tradesmen in da house


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Let me be clear - I'm not whining about Tradesmen as such.

It's all about what I have to do because they're there.

It means I have to clean.  FFS!?

Lest they take the time out of their work to even give a shit to notice the state of my kitchen from their position on top of a ladder outside my kitchen window.  God forbid a dish is draining, a piece of carrot skin is hanging out of the bin, a wine cask is visible.

It means I have to straighten my hair.  Daily.  FFS!?

Lest they give a shit to even notice me and take in my afro-esque frizzy 'do, should I neglect to straighten it in the morning.  Because clearly they'd care and it would have a massive impact on the level of work they'd do in erecting my patio, working out a ratio of my personal presentation being equal to the presentation of the finished product.

Likewise for putting on my face, and a different set of clothes, clean clothes, daily.

It means I have to cook for them.  FFS!?

Because one of them knows #1Pop and therefore it is totally like having family doing the work, and so I must continually offer up refreshments and Nigella Lawson style snacks, even though they aren't really interested, they just want to get in, get the job done, and get out and on to the next job without having to politely decline or accept baked goods.

It means I have to parent.  FFS!?

Lest they (the predominantly young and child-free tradesmen) peer inside my window while perched up high with a nail gun, and note that I am on my laptop while The Twin Tornado are watching TV, and therefore deem me a neglectful parent.  Or worse, I'm the one watching TV (busted watching Beverley Hills Nannies while muttering hateful and jealous 'shed words'), while The Twin Tornado are swearing and doing a nudie run.

All of this has been running through my mind, as I struggle to keep my house clean every day, fend off the hungry masses (#1Hubby) and protect the muffins and sausage rolls etc. while ignoring whines about why I don't make that stuff for my family, and lose my shit over which darling little child forgot to flush the toilet while thanking the Vodka Gods a tradesman didn't walk in there next.  FFS.

It's been a stressful 2 weeks.

And the tradesman haven't even shown up yet.

I am "on call".

Meaning they could be here any day, at any time.

So I've been going through this on a daily basis for 2 weeks and they haven't even started the week-long job of putting up the patio yet.

FFS!?


20 comments:

  1. Oh, what a classic !!!!!! I stumbled into our kitchen earlier this week only to look out the window and see the tradesman from next door painting away and wondered if his eye sight was good enough to see into our place ! I hoped not because me when I have just got out of bed is not a good sight to see !!! A week later they are still there but now I am a little more prepared - I close the blinds before I go to bed so he can't see (if his eye sight is good enough !!!)
    Have the best day - I hope that they arrive soon (btw - if you made the muffins and sausage rolls for last Monday - you can probably feed them to the rest of the family now because the tradies will definitely mark you down (ie do a cr*p job) if you feed them stale food !!!!!)
    Me

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like the covert counter moves. I should just leave my blinds shut permanently so that, IF they eventually show up, they won't see a thing. Of course then they'll inconveniently need to use the toilet and suddenly my plan has fallen apart...

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  2. Nothing annoys me morethan forced parenting or cleaning, I totally feel your pain!!

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  3. You need blinds. Or at least heavy curtains so the tradesmen can't see what's happening in the house.

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    Replies
    1. I have got blinds, but of course they'll need to go to the toilet, hence my place must be spotless for the 30 seconds they'll be inside.

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  4. I was going to say ignore them, they are probably getting paid enough to keep their judgmental thoughts to themselves; but you mentioned one of them is friends with Pop, so all bets are off. Continue doing what they are doing, but make sure you have a big glass of wine ready to go the second they leave. Hugs.
    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wine! Coping mechanism of choice! Great idea. In fact, I'm sure I can find a travel mug of some sort to covertly sip my wine. Must just remember to blow the top as if it's a hot cup of coffee.

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  5. I know our employees regularly hear me losing my shit - FFS!
    Also, tradies = late always. FFS!

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    Replies
    1. I'm considering putting out a group missing persons notice on them. Over 2 weeks late and counting...

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  6. Haha I am always on my best behavior when strangers are in the house. I like to think I morph into Martha Stewart crossed with Carol Brady, but I highly doubt it!

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  7. Bahaha, you put way too much effort into your contractors. Mine are lucky to get offered a cuppa, and luckier still if they don't catch me in my pj's

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    Replies
    1. Oh I'd be the same - if it wasn't for the boss knowing #1Pop. But every day they don't show up is one less cup of coffee I'm offering. And I'm down to instant coffee. No Nespresso for them!

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  8. Hee hee so funny, today someone came to our house and I didn't even change out of my pants that have a BIG farty hole right by my bottom! You are a better mum than me! Em x

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    Replies
    1. If only you lived next door to me, I could sit in my PJ's and point at you when the tradesmen looked at me in my PJ's.

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  9. Oh, wow! Straighten your hair?You go out of your way for tradies! I hang in my trackies and lucky to even have a shower. I make a concerted effort to stay well away from them. Oh, and make sure they come around when the kids are at daycare.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't plan to make eye contact when they eventually show up. Lest they ask for more coffee. Or cake. Or whatever. But I want them to see pretty hair when they are looking in and trying to make eye contact in the hopes of scoring a cuppa. Totally logical, right?

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  10. Don't stress about it. Mr Black is a tradie and couldn't care less as long as there aren't kids under his feet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh that's a thought. I can say to them "Look, you can have a clean house, presentable me, but kids all up in your shit....or, you can have a messy house, me at my most feral - but no kids bothering you".

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