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Friday, June 21, 2013

FFS!? Friday : Box construction bitch

Alternatively grammaticised titles:

Box construction, bitch
Box construction, bitch!
Box. Construction. BITCH.

The other week, Miss7 volunteered me to help with a class box construction morning without checking with me first. FFS!?

No chance to whip out one of my totally believable excuses to get out of it. FFS!?

Her class have been studying "the olden days" - I know this, because weeks ago she started quizzing me on what it was like in the olden days.  FFS!?

Did I have a toilet?

Did I have TV?

Little mini mofo, Mummy is not that bloody old.  FFS!?

So yesterday I dragged my feet into class to do my parental duty.  Late.  Naturally.

Miss7 had a floor plan of her ye olde worlde house, and we had to recreate it with all the empty boxes and crap that parents have gleefully rid themselves of in the name of learning and craft and shit.

Most kids set about creating a few rooms in a shoe box.

Not my kid.

Miss7 had a 2 storey design.  FFS!?

With an indoor pool.  FFS!?

I shit you not....

Apparently my kid was from the filthy rich side of the tracks, way back when.

She has 3 bedrooms each with fire places upstairs - "and big beds Mum, not little ones."

There is a dining room, a kitchen, and the indoor pool downstairs.

Too bad if anyone wanted to shit or shower, right?

It took me half the allocated class time to McGyver into place the second floor, via twine, crap kiddy paste that does not work like glue, I don't care what anybody says,  and muttered 'shed words'.  FFS?

As I created her structurally unsound mansion of yesteryear, she fluffed around the room chatting to her mates, absentmindedly rolling paydoh into balls.  FFS!?

When she did come to check on my progress, she reluctantly placed playdoh at random points inside her house, thus shitting me to tears that she was ruining my creation.  FFS!?

Seriously, even in 'the olden days', a ball of playdoh does not an 8 seater dining table make, am I right?  FFS!?

I have hated box construction since forever.  As documented when Miss7 was a Miss4 bringing home layers of cereal containers stuck together with tape and spit, and I had to participate in rounds of 20 questions in an attempt to work out what each creation was meant to be.  FFS!?

This was like my worst nightmare.  FFS!?

And now I have to sit and wait for it to come home when the school term ends in a week.  FFS!?

And then I'll have to find a place for it to sit so that I can admire it.  FFS!?

Until Miss7's distracted and I can commence slowly relocating it to the ye modern worlde waste receptical.

And also, I have made a mental note to make #1Hubby go in when the twins hit year 2 and it's there turn.


  1. I have never heard of box construction but thanks for the heads up!! I will be busy on the day my 2 ever have to do it!!

    1. Be on the lookout. The second you spot any parent bringing in bags full of empty cereal and cracker boxes, panic!

  2. I'm like Ann - never heard of box construction - thank goodness I am not going to have to go through it e.v.e.r. !!!
    Have the best day !

    1. I've been lucky with Miss4 - she likes to do box construction that fits in a gift bag. So that she can carry it around and pretend she's been shopping. Makes it much easier to covertly escort it to the big bin outside late at night, without dropping pieces or making any noise.

  3. I am so glad that so far Mr 3 is like his mother...hates craft of any kind with a passion.

    1. Brilliant. Well done to you. I have only had time to instill a loathing of early morning sports so far.

  4. My middle son had to make a medieval castle in primary school which was completed almost entirely by his Dad. I had to help take the masterpiece up to his classroom and was able to gloat with other mothers about how brilliant our 'kids' are. One little boy, though, had obviously had no help with his castle and had basically gift-wrapped a cereal box and it made me realise that the teachers know exactly which kids have had help with their projects. They're not so easily fooled as we parents would like to think they are.

    1. Which is precisely why I think all box construction should be done in class without parent helpers. It's only fair. And it protects my sanity.

  5. Oh, I remember this - the worst part was always trying to work out how long it was okay to have it cluttering up the house before it was safe to chuck in the bin without the kid noticing!

    1. Exactly! I developed a plan of waiting a couple of days before moving it to a different, less visible location. If nothing was said I'd gradually move it out of sight before dumping it at the bottom of the big bin outside, late at night.

  6. I told my Miss 7 she was born in the olden days. Way back when iPads were not even invented, not even iPhones!!!

    1. And only 4 free-to-air TV channels...can you imagine! We are really quite brave to have lived through it to tell the tales.

  7. Sounds like a nightmare if you ask me - not looking forward to these sorts of projects. As for the olden days, they will be in awe that we didn't have computers/phones/etc :)

    1. Mine don't believe me when I say people didn't have laptops, and computers were much bigger, generally only found in offices. They have called bullshit on me.


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