Criminal Minds did not prepare me for this gem

    

So I've been in the US for about 5 days now.

I have left my hotel twice.

After years of dedicated Criminal Minds viewing, I have convinced myself that someone will drug me and drag me into an alleyway to cut off my fingers, before tossing me in a fast food restaurant dumpster.

I shit you not.

The first time I got my big girl pants on and left my hotel, I power walked next door to get food.

I almost hyperventilated as I burst through the door.

Not one person to be seen on the massive 30 second trek from the hotel door to the restaurant.

I am so hard core.  Look at me go, solo global traveller and all that.

The restaurant was crowded, and so of course then I freak out a little about being the only loser eating on their own.

So I take the nearest seat. At the bar. I am now the only person on their own, and the only female at the bar.

Awesome.

A lovely waitress offers me a menu and I manage to squeak out a request for take away.

Because I'd rather eat in my PJ's in the hotel room, drinking wine from a plastic cup than look like a loser in public. *Ahem*.

It takes forever for my burger to come out.  Like less than 10 excruciating minutes, filled with the laughter and talk of everyone else who haven't noticed me, and are definitely not laughing and pointing at the loser on their own.

I run out the door as soon as my order is put in front of me.

Safely back in my room I'm all full of bravado and congratulating myself on my Bear Grylls-esque solo survival skills.

I am invincible.

And so it takes me 2 days hiding in my room to work up the courage to leave the room again.

This time for a quick 2 block walk to a shop.

I panic and walk into a CVS Pharmacy and I'm all like Hello! when I almost knock over a wine display.

In a pharmacy.

Shut up!

Everyone is lovely and they all say hello and welcome.

Shut up again!

In Australia, I'm used to having to virtually pass out while a limb falls off to be noticed and served at my local pharmacy.

And they sure as shit don't sell wine.

Clearly I must move to America.