I've been playing a game of cat and mouse with my postman for the past couple of weeks.
Thanks to some lousy weather, I have done what every good parent does and buried myself in online shopping while directing the whiney and bored kids to the
electronic babysitter TV since they can't go outside.
As a result, I've had a delightfully consistent stream of parcel notification emails. No FFS!?
I monitor them with much enthusiasm, from the second they leave the delivery depot a few suburbs away.
And that's when it all turns to shit.
The bastard delivery driver manages to show up while I'm doing the school drop off every single time. Without fail. FFS!?
Almost daily I have returned home to spot that bloody white missed delivery card wedged in my front door, flapping in the wind. FFS!?
This means that I have to wait until the afternoon when it hits my local post office, and drag the whiney, tired kids with me to collect it. FFS!?
Everyone else is doing the same thing, often resulting in a 15 minute wait and a queue outside the door of the post office. FFS!?
I have spent a small fortune - far beyond the sum saved by my savvy online shopping - in impulse buys to get The Feral Threesome to STFU while waiting in the queue. FFS!?
This week, I was determined to catch the postman out.
Monday I raced to school and pulled up outside, lovingly shoving Miss7 out the door and hissing at her to RUN! FAST! HURRY! and I would watch her as she crossed the grassed area to her classroom, before burning rubber to get home again.
The Twin Tornado were still in their PJ's in the car, as they don't have school on Monday's.
It was a flawless plan, except I still had a missed delivery card waiting for me at home, despite shaving a good 5 minutes off my usual school run time. FFS!?
Tuesday I took the kids to school earlier than usual...but there was no delivery that day. FFS!?
Wednesday Miss7 was home sick thanks to food poisoning (not my own cooking, before you ask), so it allowed me to stay home and stake out the front door.
No delivery. FFS!?
Then I took the Twin Tornado to a Doctor's appointment at midday, and of course when I got home there was a bastard missed delivery card. FFS!?
The one single time he's ever delivered after 8:45am. FFS!?
Yesterday I took the kids to school a little later than usual, hoping to catch him before the school run. As a result of being late/later, I had to park a block away from the school and walk/run while carrying 3 full backpacks and dragging 3 whiney kids in the arctic early morning wind. FFS!?
Also, no delivery that day. FFS!?
I swear to Vodka he's hiding in someone's driveway down the road, just waiting for me to leave so that he can fill out the bastard missed delivery card and piss me off. FFS!?
Today it is on like Donkey Kong.
Like Donkey Kong if he was a 34 year old stealth ninja mother.
How do they do it??? I have played a similar cat and mouse game with my delivery man, back in the day when I used to shop carefree and willy nilly online, giving not a thought to the consequences. Now I just go online and put a whole lot of stuff in my shopping trolley but never make it to the checkout which is frustrating in a different way. Stupid money.
Oh I am the queen of the online trolley fill and dump. So many things I convince myself I "need"...until I see the trolley total and the shipping fees!Delete
I swear my delivery man doesn't even bother to pack the parcels. He just brings those notification cards. I can be upstairs and he free-wheels it into our driveway, puts the card in the letter box and drives off eve before the dogs notice he's there.ReplyDelete
I think you might be right - so many people have said they've been home and still received the missed delivery card. Unless you're all just trying to make me feel better and reconsider my future as a house-bound hermit, determined to intercept every delivery until the end of time...Delete
I am still laughing (sorry I know it's at your expense) - I think your postie just waits up the road until he sees you drive off then drops off the white slip - he probably doesn't even have the parcel with him and has absolutely no intention of dropping anything off with you even if you were home !ReplyDelete
Have the best weekend and again, thanks for the laugh !
We're on the same page. This is exactly what I think is happening. Therefore that counts as a "general concensus / popular opinion" and suddenly we have a conspiracy theory on our hands!Delete
I know for a fact this happens - K was at home all day on Friday and the postie left a "Please pick up at the PO" notice in the post box !!!!Delete
Funny stuff, and I know that pain all too well - one time I was actually peering out of my front window waiting for a delivery that was due, and I saw the postie rock up, stick a card in the mailbox, and drive off! He didn't even try and see if we were home! I raced out to the driveway and yelled "We're home, you bastard!" but to no avail. Hope you get your stuff soon!ReplyDelete
Bastards! That there is the proof that they do it deliberately!Delete
I am just imaging you, your post man and all that drama in my mind and laughing with my self.ReplyDelete
Fear not, it won't stop me shopping online...Shop Online Australia ;-)Delete
Haha, that is hilarious! Meanwhile I received a delivery at 6.30am once. NO JOKE. And the guy didn't understand why I was still in my pyjamas. All together now: FFS!ReplyDelete
OMG seriously?! I once was outraged at a 7:30am delivery. Clearly that was before I had kids to wake me up.Delete
Oh man so funny, I swear that happens to me, and I curse the hell out of the parcel man when I see one of those cards, because it means dragging three ferals to get a parcel, which is usually a stupid helicopter part for the Husband any how! EmReplyDelete
Bahaha, at least I know the parcels are all mine.Delete
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