Grocery shopping used to be my happy time, my happy place.
It is the ultimate in justifiable shopping.
But lately, the buzz has died. I am not feeling the joy, the thrill of a bargain.
I am fed up with always landing the wonky trolley with a severe lean to the left.
If it's not that it's the one with the limping wheel that jolts the trolley on every rotation.
I am yet to hit a vacant deli counter. I spend eons waiting for my turn, and I'm always after the lady buying enough cold meat for an entire football team. In 4-slice packs of every single variation they have.
The Specials are almost never in stock when I go.
If they are available, they're not on the shelf, they're in boxes above the shelf.
I have been caught climbing up to reach them, only to have a staff member from one big supermarket chain tell me off.
I got down like a naughty, chastised child and politely asked if they could possibly reach said item.
Alas, no. They didn't 'do' shelf stocking, and they weren't prepared to climb up because it was unsafe.
Said by the 16 year old with infected facial piercing.
Without doubt I'll get stuck behind the pensioners, shuffling along, shopping in tandem.
They are delightfully sweet...until you try and pass them.
I once sustained an ankle injury after one lady veered her trolley in my direct as I was attempting to overtake her and her BFF in the cereal aisle.
She feigned surprise, but I am certain it was deliberate. I heard her sweet little old lady voice bark at another shopper who dared to reach across in front of her trolley.
There are only ever three checkouts open.
One of which is cash only.
Another strictly for 12 items or less.
I am always behind the person with 38 price checks.
Or the one who forgot something and dashes off to grab it at the rapid pace of a snail.
And/or the one who forgets their PIN number when it comes time to pay.
All while I'm eyeballing my melting ice cream while pleading/hiss-threatening my bored, tired and fed up kids.
I don't want to resort to ordering my groceries online, because then where will I get my tuckshop arm wingspan workout if not trying to control a limping, leaning trolley full of groceries?
But it is looking like a mighty fine option.
Especially when I found out that I could combine it with my booze order - all delivered to my home while I watch TV in my tracksuit pants.