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Friday, August 16, 2013

FFS!? Friday : Marital disputes


Standard funny at start of post for your enjoyment....but wait, there's more....
 

Following on from Wednesday’s Rules of Marital Engagement you’ll never guess what I’m going to whine about today?

#1Hubby!

I feel like he’s escaped the FFS!?ing for far too long, given my ability to while for Australia about any given topic.

So today is all about him.

I hope he feels special and loved etc.

At some point soon after my return from the US, #1Hubby was a douche.  FFS!?

It wasn’t a big deal, but I’ve enjoyed making him sweat over it, if for no other reason than to keep him on his toes and provide me with a bit of sadistic entertainment in lieu of a post-holiday downer. No FFS!?

I really made him sweat for a few days.  No FFS!?

He even went so far as to declare his love via a friend’s Facebook status update about having coffee with me.  Schmaltzy No FFS!?

He has, however, on occasion forgotten that he’s in the sin bin, and behaved completely unrepentant unreasonably.  FFS!?

He attempted to converse with me about his work.  FFS!?

He dared to ask me to do stuff for him of a domestic nature that I would normally do, but rules of marital engagement clearly state that I do not have to do them when he’s been an ass.  FFS!?

On the whole, he was very easy to get along with while we both tried to remember what he did to piss me off.  No FFS!?

Seriously, I don’t actually remember.  Only I’d successfully carried it on for a few days, and I feel that it would have been a sign of weakness and stupidity if I was to confess as much.  FFS!?

Image Credit

Mid-Post bonus funny because I couldn't choose between them....but wait, there's more...


Peace was finally brokered minutes before we went out for dinner.  Just the 2 of us.  No FFS!?

I was considering taking a magazine, or whipping out my phone to Crush some Candy.  But that would have been poor etiquette.  FFS!?

So instead I put him out of his misery right as we walked out the door.  After he offered to be the designated driver in an attempt to appease me, heh.  No FFS!?

It was my turn to be the sober driver.  And if you knew us, you would know that to be a massive sacrifice on his part, and an epic win on my part.  No FFS!?

I have now realised that I'm away for Father's Day, and so the tables have turned and he's the one enacting the rules of marital engagement.  FFS!?

How quickly the tables have turned.  FFS!?

I'm a frosty,awkward silence away from offering him a lap dance or football season tickets in order to redeem myself.  FFS!?


Image Credit

Serious end of post factual image





4 comments:

  1. Husbands - can't live without them (because they won't move out of the house), can't shoot them (cause who wants to be the prison wife of some homicidal lesbian).

    I totally empathise. The love of my life totally pissed me off over the past few weeks by getting a bad back and having to have 10 days off work. And now he tells me that he has to take 2-3 weeks holiday before the end of the year or he will lose them. I've kindly suggested that he might like to go visit his Mum who's 93 and who lives in another state. That way he keeps his holidays, she gets a visit and I get the bed to myself. It's win-win-win!

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  2. I've never thought of using Candy Crush passive aggressively! Great concept!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Gosh I forgot how much you can make me laugh....yep Hubbys are the biggest pain in the ass, but we have to have them around. After all I not taking out that trash to the bin unless there I really have to!
    But gee could someone teach them to lift the toilet up to do a wee??? Oh hang on that's the kids that need teaching!!

    ReplyDelete

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