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Monday, August 12, 2013

Progress update : I have found my Sister Wives

Not to harp on about the whole Sister Wives phenomenon or anything....

But I’ve got a plan.

Since returning home from the US, I’ve spent a lot of time explaining the Sister Wives deal to a few of my besties.

Like, daily.

In fact, every time we meet before school, after school, during school, I manage to relate whatever situation one or all of us are lamenting into a positive for becoming Sister Wives.


#1Wife is lamenting her husband’s inability to get up to the kids in the morning.

Easily fixed, as #4 wife happens to enjoy early mornings, thus allowing the rest of us to sleep in until midday.


#2Wife is shit with budgeting, and has trouble stopping herself from spending on unnecessary items that her Hubby spends wasted hours bothering her about.

No drama there, as #3 wife (that would be me) is both an excellent budgeter and an even more excellent hider of siphoned funds used for booze and shopping.


#4Wife is currently working full time, and suspects her husband to be feeding her children frozen vegetables over fresh.  She is envisioning their downward spiral to toothless malnutrition and poor brain functionality.

Her fellow vege loving, child nutrition obsessing Sister Wives could pick up the slack while she’s working.


#3Wife (me) hates televised sports.  Period.  Hubby, on the other hand, is obsessed.  Every  weekend he’s watching some critically important, can’t be missed, grudge match.

#1Wife is a football lover.  She could take one for the team and watch it with him, which would totally qualify as “quality time” and thus allowing me to slip out the door to the shops undetected.

We’ve even worked out the separation of duties in our future Sister Wives family.

Wife #1 is a former hairdresser and seamstress.  She will be in charge of grooming all of the children, head to toe.  She’s also handy in the kitchen, so she will assist there.

Wife #2 is culinarily gifted.  She will do the bulk of the cooking.  And the cleaning, because she always invites us to her place and it’s clean.  Whereas we never offer because we’re too scared of the massive panic clean we’d have to undertake.

Wife #3 (me) is all about the money, honey.  I will manage the budget, the bills, and the secretly siphoned funds that will afford us Sister Wives a little R&R respite to a tropical island on a bi-annual basis, while our shared husband stays home to tend the children.

Wife #4 is the educator and the fitness fanatic, so she’s in charge of homework, all things extra curricular, athletic/sportsy shit, teams and training and games of any sort.  She’s also the youngest and so she will be solely responsible for husbandly servicing.  It’s also only fair because we’ve selected her husband to share, and she’s already adept at the fine tunings and workings of keeping him happy.

We chose Sister Wife #4’s husband for a number of reasons.

He is athletic and strong.  He is a non-drinker so will always be the designated driver.  He does a mean job with decorative cupcake frosting and edible butterflies.  He is also, hands down, the best with kids.  Every day he ends up managing all of our collective children on the playground while we gossip.  So it’s clearly just a natural progression to formalise the arrangement.

Also, Sister Wife #4 was not present when we were comparing and whining about our 3 husbands, and so he’s the one who came off looking like a shit hot option.

The only issue is that, due to Sister Wife #4 working full time, she has been unable to participate in our discussions and negotiations.

Pretty much at all.

So she has no clue that we’ve mapped out a future together as more than just ‘besties’.

And that it involves sharing her husband and moving in with her, with our additional 8 children.

I’m sure she won’t mind.


  1. I'm pretty sure she'll be fine with it. You might as well start packing now.

  2. I'm just imagining her face when you all turn up at the door, kids in tow!


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