Aside from the Tabitha Foundation house building in Cambodia, I also enjoyed a holiday packed with firsts:
First near-death Bear Grylls style experience that surely qualifies me for my own episode of "I Shouldn't Be Alive".
We stayed at a lovely hotel in Kep while building. There were clusters of rooms surrounding 2 pools, all overlooked by a lush green mountain.
Franck with a ck (because he’s French…can you imagine how hard it was for me to concentrate on not putting on a crap exaggerated fake French accent and referring to him as FRAAAAHHHHHNCK FROM FRAAAAHHHHHNCE) had never seen so many guests at his hotel. All at once, or possibly, ever. Which is a shame, because it was really quite lovely, and once you made it across the main road, you were pretty much on the coast.
If you find yourself in Kep, check out Hotel Le Flamboyant and say hi to FRAAAAHHHHHNCK FROM FRAAAAHHHHHNCE.
While the rest of the group went to the local crab market for dinner, I decided to stay in and read and drink my BYO wine and enjoy my surroundings.
Which was all going according to plan until I got up to refill my glass and realised I was not alone.....
The world's largest scorpion (not yet verified by Wikipedia).
On my verandah.
Inches from my person.
The very quiet Hotel Le Flamboyant was suddenly filled with the sounds of a screaming banshee having a bit fat girly squeal at the top of her lungs.
Thankfully, my room service was on its way, and I signalled the intruder to the Assistant Manager who doubled as the Room Service guy, and also the Scorpion Whisperer.
He grabbed a teeny tiny twig and prodded at the scorpion until its massively menacing claws grabbed on to it.
And then he threw it over his head.
SUPER. NOW IT WAS GOING TO ANGRILY STALK ALL THE WAY BACK ACROSS THE GRASS TO SEEK REVENGE ON ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
#1Brother had himself so tightly wrapped in his mosquito net that night, that it almost choked him to death when he forgot and got up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet.
I discovered the next Miss Universe
I explained to a fellow house builder over post-dinner cocktails one night, how she was the perfect candidate for Miss Universe on account of her university education, humanitarian efforts and good looks. She laughed me off (see, she’s such a people person – others would have immediately asked what my cut would be as their self-appointed Manager). But I’m calling it. Watch this space. And then see me for all endorsement deals.
I reinforced “our” plans for global domination via pageants before we parted ways after the building was finished. I believe my words were something along the lines of “I will be the Kris Jenner to your Kim Kardashian. Leave it all to me”.
And I know she’s totally down for it because we’re now Facebook friends.
I partook in an extreme sport and was hit on at the same time
My brother, Sister and her hubby went on to Vietnam for a week after the building. While there, I was liquored up enough on $3 cocktails to partake in my first game of darts.
Yes, that's right....
Co-ordinationally challenged me - full of spirit and spirits - playing with a sharp, pointy projectile.
What could possibly go wrong!?
Surprisingly, nothing. Almost every dart hit the board, or at the very least, embedded itself in the wall around the board. Not one hit the floor or ricocheted off into the crowd.
I am totally calling myself an extreme sports pro now.
It was while playing darts that I was hit on.
In a bar with a full table of hot, 20-something European girls...I WAS HIT ON.
By a Korean who grabbed my hand multiple times, and rubbed it all over his face. Possibly too blind to see it properly to romantically kiss it or something. So instead I got the full face treatment.
He offered me swigs of his ice-filled beer.
He moved tables so that he could communicate face-to-face despite knowing zero English.
He was totally in beer-goggles love with yours truly.
I am certain that, in his drunken haze, he mistook me for Miley Cyrus or Britney Spears or some other classy party animal.