Oh. Woe. Is. Me.
For the first time ever, we've managed to use up our monthly broadband download quota with 2 weeks to go. FFS!?
My crap parenting has been exposed. FFS!?
I've clearly been parenting via laptop and iPad for the previous 2 weeks of school holidays, given the huge amount of data that The Feral Threesome have apparently downloaded during that time. FFS!?
Which means that I have only myself to blame. FFS!?
And I look really bad. FFS!?
I am going to seriously lose my shit if I spot a Miley Cyrus track on the iTunes list. FFS!?
Any of them. FFS!?
I'm too scared to check the iTunes account for full details of the carnage. FFS!?
Clearly I have not given the kids enough credit when it comes to their computer skills. FFS!?
I must now remember to also shield the keypad while entering my PIN number at the shops. FFS!?
The only thing worse than having the broadband speed shaped is nothing. FFS!?
The shaping coincided with the first week of my 'no booze during the week' policy. FFS!?
Which also coincided with the final week of school holidays. FFS!?
I am some kind of stupid. Stupid with severe masochistic tendencies. FFS!?
I can't even open Facebook. FFS!?
Twitter never refreshes. FFS!?
I lost three last minute Ebay auctions thanks to the woeful refresh rate. FFS!?
There has been no Candy Crushing. FFS!?
I'm working with prehistoric internet speeds. Circa early 1990's. FFS!?
It's been the longest, most painful 10 days of my life, including when The Twin Tornado learnt they could take their own nappies off before pooing. FFS!?
I'm convinced my digital identity will be wiped out by the time we're back up to speed in five days. FFS!?