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Wednesday, October 30, 2013

#Winning





Went to Ikea.

Made it through without getting lost.

Did not buy store full of unnecessary brightly coloured plastic stuffs.

Am off to write step-by-step guide.

And create a support group / fan club.

And International Roadshow to flog the book and share my Ikea success story and secrets with others.

Expecting to be on New York Times Best Seller list within months.

Oprah to come out of retirement to interview me.

1Direction will sing about it.

Lindsay Lohan will beg to play me in the movie, but I will be all like Bitch Please.... and Angelina Jolie will graciously request the role and get it.







8 comments:

  1. You are a legend if you managed to do that !!!! All hail to the Queen of beating IKEA !!
    Have the best day !
    Me

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am expecting a full parade in my honour as I pull up to Ikea next time. The sales staff will cry tears of frustration that I am the only person on the planet with enough will power to not buy brightly coloured plastic shit.

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. Hell no. Trying something else would be like cheating.

      Delete
  3. You are officially my life-style guru. Your wisdom is unbounded.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was the mosquito net pants, teamed with my mad Ikea resistance skills that impressed you, wasn't it?

      Delete
  4. Next installment- What you will do with all that money you will make from the book and subsequent royalties!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will buy George Clooney and make him my bitch. For reals.

      Delete

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