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Monday, November 11, 2013

A year of underwhelming non-life affirming stuff

Today is a big day for us Aussies.  It's Remembrance Day.

In the spirit of reflection and remembering, it also marks a year since  I went all toxic and almost died.

Which means that it also, tragically, marks a whole year since I was in the presence of a couple of extremely hot male nurses.

I've spent the past week, not only consoling myself over the lack of one-on-one attention from hot men in uniform, but also assessing what I've done in the past 12 months.

Because most people who almost die make big life decisions and changes, make bucket lists and start ticking them off.

I am utterly underwhelmed by my own 12 months post near-death experience.

The most life-affirming thing I've done is get up earlier.

Yeah, really.

And it's totally not voluntarily.

I'm up before 6am...and I do spend a good 3 minutes enjoying the early morning peace and quiet.

Before turning the TV on low to watch my trashy reality TV programs and relish the solo TV time before the kids get up.

I have been a slightly better mother.

Not really.

They're just getting a little bit more independent and understanding threats to remove all electronic devices consequences better, and so I don't have to lose my shit quite as often as I used to.

I've made an effort to improve myself.

I went on my second trip with Tabitha Foundation Australia and built houses in Cambodia.

Followed by a week of shopping and bar hopping in Vietnam.  Which totally takes the shine off the whole selflessly helping others part.

But in my defence, shopping is an extreme sport and totally counts as a bucket list item.

For someone who has, essentially, been given a second chance....I've done a pretty shit job of it.

I've been thinking, and the only thing for it is to get my name in The Guinness Book of World Records.

Because that shit is forever.

Verified, printed proof of my dedication to being the best, of doing something super impressive with my life.

Except I have no talent to speak of.

So I will have to learn how to do something completely ridiculous that nobody else has thought of, in order to ensure my efforts won't be wasted and I will definitely get in.

Like watching the most consecutive hours of Being Lara Bingle (for my international readers, just be very very grateful that you are clueless as to what this Australian smite on reality TV is).

I guarantee nobody would challenge my title.

So, yes.  I've completely failed with my lack of life affirming efforts in the past 12 months since I went all toxic and shit.

I blame Ebay and Gumtree, Facebook and YouTube for being so damn distracting.

But I'll do better this year.

By the power of the one single season of Being Lara Bingle, I will do better!


  1. I have a DVD box set of Anna Nicole Smith's reality series if you want to switch it up a bit with Lara Bingle. Good luck on the quest for everlasting fame!!

    1. I'm not going to lie, this has put you up in my estimations ever so slightly. Just when I thought you couldn't get any cooler.

  2. I thought that almost dying meant that you just had to appreciate life more. So if you're appreciating reality TV and bidding on eBay then you're doing it right.

  3. Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. Losing it even slightly less at your kids is a huge achievement in my book ;-)

    1. So true. I've learnt amazing restraint and patience, in that case ;-)

  4. I feel exactly the same way about my past 12 months except I didn't have an near death experience. Thanks for pointing out that they are basically ineffective. Who is this Lara Bingle of which you speak?

    1. Yep, they are so lame. I plan to never partake in one again. Heh. not ever Google her. If you are one of the lucky few to have not come across her TV show, then thank the Vodka Gods and move forward!


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