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Friday, November 29, 2013

FFS!? Friday : Breaking news

I am almost too exhausted to whine this week.  FFS!?

I am spent from having to come up with interesting and educational shit to do with The Feral Threesome every weekend.  FFS!?

They're great and everything, but sometimes playing out the back in the sandpit is okay.

Except not when they all have to do news at school at the start of the week.  FFS!?

Lest I sound like a shit mother when they show up talking about the latest episode of Dora that they watched, between eating sand while role playing family bonding and outings in said sandpit.  FFS!?

Each week I dread Sunday night and having to sit with each of the kids and formulate their news items.  FFS!?

I mean, come many times can anyone go to the zoo?  REGULARLY, according to one classmate.  FFS!?

The public library that I've never set foot in, apparently holds a weekly reading session that another classmate attends.  FFS!?

I eye off all the other kids' news bags, trying to guess what culturally enlightening sample of their weekend is enclosed.  FFS!?

Meanwhile, my kids are bringing a plastic Happy Meal toy that I've totally talked up as the end result of a day of physical activity (we went shopping and then had McDonalds as bribery so the kids didn't whine the place down and ruin the whole shopping experience for me).  FFS!?

I can talk up anything.  Put a positive spin on anything.  But I'm terrified the kids are agreeing to what I write in their news books, before ignoring my script and instead saying what we actually did on the weekend to their class.  FFS!?

I've fabricated the origin of toys, claiming they've come from a fair trade website that we viewed a short documentary about on YouTube.  Because we're culturally aware and shit.  When in actual fact, the toy was from the local $2 shop.  FFS!?

I've explained a trip to a winery as a visit to a park that happened to have a cafe that served wine.  But enough about that, because we saw animals (a dog) and the kids enjoyed playing all afternoon (while Mummy got her cultural fix via wine appreciation).  FFS!?

You have no idea the story I had to spin to convince the Twin Tornado that, because we walked past a park with a sculpture on our way to lunch, it meant we had been to the park to look at sculptures, and they must have forgotten when I discussed the history behind said sculpture (which I totally had to Google).  FFS!?

All of that effort times three.  Because I had to go and have three kids.  Which, in my defence, was not exactly voluntary on account of the unexpected set of twins.  FFS!?

At a stretch, I honestly believe I could provide enough spin and semi-enriching outings for one.  But not for three.  FFS!?

Thank the Vodka Gods it's nearing the end of the year, as I am tapped.  Completely out of ideas.  At this point, their final weeks of news may well turn into a rolling DVD review.  FFS!?


  1. You never fail to make me smile - I love your FFS Fridays! :)

  2. Love it - and I feel the same way. But props for your imagination!

  3. Ha!! Great chuckle for a Friday. I have to agree with you on the 'news' front - total pain in the arse!!

    1. I'm considering pulling a sickie on behalf of the kids in the last few weeks of school. I just can't think up another enriching lie.

  4. :-) thank goodness I don't have to do that just yet, I am not sure how I can put a spin on watching Toy Story 3 on repeat for the day because I have no energy as about to give birth.

    1. You're totally excused on account of the whole baby growing thing.

  5. Love this post, put a smile on my face. So glad I'm not at that stage yet.

    1. You should start stock piling ideas now. Trust me, you will need them.


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