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Friday, November 1, 2013

FFS!? Friday : Halloween fail

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Halloween may be an American tradition, but I'm all for anything that allows me to don my other persona of a trailer trash mama who likes to drink and wear elastic waisted garments with food remnants all over them a la Britney in her head shaving days.

That is my go to costume.

It means I don't have to put much time or effort into dressing up.  No FFS!?

A few years ago our neighbours and their 3 kids came a knocking on Halloween.

With 20 of their kids' closest friends.  FFS!?

They didn't think to warn us that they were having a Halloween party and would be the very first ever on the street to go trick or treating.  FFS!?

I madly scrambled to grab anything that passed as a treat.  Including chocolate biscuits, yoghurt covered dried fruit (which I lied and said was little round white chocolate balls) and a bottle of Ice Magic ice cream topping (FFS!? to that because I love it dearly and rarely buy it).  FFS!?

The following year I was ready for them.

I bought enough chocolate and sweets to send a small nation into a sugar frenzy.

And nobody came.

So of course I had to eat all of the things myself FFS!? / No FFS!?

Last year The Feral Threesome were old enough to be interested, and so I let them dress up to hand out the treats.

We had 2 trick or treaters.  Two.  Which meant that one of The Feral Threesome did not get to hand anyone any candy.  FFS!?

The tantrums were epic, and totally appropriate of the scariest day of the year. FFS!?

This year, I went all DIY and created little packs of treats.  We took some to school and gave them to close friends whose mothers mouthed shed words at me for sugaring their kids up straight after school, and I smiled and flipped them the finger.  No FFS!?

Check out my handiwork:

Because a crappy amount of chocolate and candy looks far more impressive with a plastic spider, served up in individual baggies, right?

So I am writing this at 6:44pm.

Who wants to guess how many trick or treaters I've had so far?  FFS!?

The kids are waiting around the front door in their witches hats, all excited, getting more restless by the second.

The whining is escalating, the boredom and disappointment setting in.  FFS!?

They are totally setting the scene for my trailer trash ranty Britney to yell over to them to shut up and stop fighting.  FFS!? / No FFS!?

I may have to send #1Hubby out in fancy dress.  FFS!?

Three times.  FFS!?

And I fully expect to have to eat all of the things myself.  Again.  FFS!?



  1. LOL! You can pass those little baggies over to my bunch any time! We only had one group of 6 kids turn up who grabbed the bag of lollies I offered and ran without a thank you! (Feral kids)!
    My 11 year old saw them in the street when we were in the car and moaned that he hoped they wouldn't come to our place as then we'd have to share our lollies with them! That's the spirit! :D

    1. My kids are still asking where their lolly bags are. I don't have the heart to tell them that I gave them all away. So instead I told them they're in the toy room somewhere. They have spent over an hour cleaning the toy room looking for them. I shit you not. I am going to have to go out and buy them lolly bags for real now.

  2. LOL - we had two tricksters come around - we didn't have any lollies and so we offered them an orange each - they said "thanks but no thanks" - after that we had no more come around - gosh but the word spreads quickly out there about which houses to not go too !!!
    Hope your day is a good one - with those lollies to scoff it has to be a good one - and from there onto the wine a little later - can't ask for more than that can you ?
    Me xox

    1. Ooh, that's a risky move. You could've woken up to eggs, shaving cream and toilet paper everywhere! While the kids may have been disappointed, I bet their parents were giving you a mental fist bump.

  3. I didn't get anyone come either. Thankgod because I had no lollies. Now I kind of wish I bought some so I could've eaten them myself.

    1. It's never too late. It must still be Halloween in some country around the globe.

  4. lol, I had a couple of years like this, too when the boys were too young to go trick-or-treating themselves and so waited excitedly to hand out our treats (I sent hubby round to knock on the door in the end just to hear them squeal). If you have lots of families in your area with under 3s or so then you may find Halloween takes off as they all get older and get to school. In the meantime keep supplies ready and if you end up eating them yourself then WTF, right?

    1. I think we have lots of lazy parents in our area. We'd all rather drink wine at home and just hand out candy to other kids that come to our door, rather than taking the time and effort to walk our own kids around. It's kind of like a Mexican stand off between the parents - none of us wants to be the family to cave in and walk the streets.

  5. I don't think I'd be too disappointed to be left with copious amounts of chocolate. And I'd be hiding it from the kids.

    1. Oh if only. I tempted the universe by whining about the lack of kids. One single group showed up and cleaned me out completely. Details to be blogged on Monday, naturally.

  6. We got about 30 kids and they would have been stoked to get your creations!!! Keep it for the next birthday party!


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