I feel for my neighbours, I truly do.
The noise that emanates from my little patch of land must surely devalue all properties within earshot.
Being that Christmas is the season of giving, I'd love to be able to give something back.
As a thank you, of sorts.
Or not.
Shouting vase
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| Japanese Shouting Vase |
Perfect for me, #1Hubby and The Feral Threesome. I wonder if we'd get a discount for a family set?
I can just picture us standing a foot away from each other, shouting into our vases, thus protecting the hearing of all of our neighbours.
I hope they come with a strap, so I can attach them to the kids 24/7 to ensure they don't fall off.
You're welcome, 'hood.
Phallic Teapot
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| Penis Kettle |
I'm a little teapot....
Super shiny. Expect it's been rubbed and buffed extensively.
An excellent housewarming gift.
Really sets the mood for newcomers, letting them know just how classy you are.
A guaranteed ice breaker.
White with one please.
Creepy Pig Mask
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| Creepy Pig Mask |
Self explanatory.
Perfect for the creepy pig who makes lewd comments, and always seems to be peering through his curtains.
Penis Extender
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| Penis Extender....yes, really |
Because there's always that one, over-sharing neighbour.
Be it a wife bemoaning her pitiful sex life, or a guy talking up the dimensions of his boy bits.
Regardless, offer this baby up with a straight and sincere face.
Or, alternatively, a neighbour you've bonded with and over-shared with, who just needs a little help in that department. It's the gift that keeps on giving, allegedly.
Next week I'll be offering up gift ideas for children.
Surely the Phallic Teapot should come in a set with a mug - a vagina mug. That would make a nice boxed set.
ReplyDeleteUp there for thinking! I believe your declaration via the internet counts as trademarking that gem. I expect an invitation to the product launch!
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