The story of an epic Christmas past plus a Quilton giveaway

Let me preface this post by stating, up front, that this is sadly a true and accurate recounting of actual events.

If only I was blessed with both Spielberg cinematic skills and Jolie-esque features, I would absolutely have reenacted it all for your YouTube enjoyment.

With jazz hands and interpretive dance.

Christmas is my most favourite time of year.

The lights that are evenly spaced and flash in perfect unison.

The tree full of decorations symmetrical in bauble placement, colour co-ordination and alignment.

The presents under the tree wrapped neatly complete with wrapping paper style hospital corners and ribbons that match a feature colour from the individually themed gift wrap.

The festive beverages that only I can organise and serve, lest someone serve my home made Sangria in a regular glass and not one emblazoned with snowflakes or Santa.

It's safe to say that I'm a little OCD when it comes to Christmas.

With Christmas safely done and dusted for another year, the tinsel trauma, the stuffing stuff ups, the festive fights and the poor present choices behind us, it's time I shared my own Christmas memory.  This year was totally tame, so instead I've dug into the memory banks to share with you a far more eventful Christmas tale.

As part of Quilton's #QuiltonMostLoved Christmas Moments campaign, I bring you the story of my most memorable ridiculous horrific couldn't make this stuff up loved family Christmas moment, complete with appropriate theme and toilet paper mentions.  All true.

In 2011 my cousin bought a young American guy (who was in Perth playing baseball) to share the heat wave style festivities with our family in lieu of a white Christmas with his own.

Things always go wrong when there are independent witnesses.

The table was set outside on the verandah, shaded by grape vines.  It was all very attractive and idyllic.  Gentle breeze wafting over us, you get the drift.

Until the sewerage backed up and the gentle breeze was wafting something entirely different over us and our seafood starters.

Being in a country town, this meant a few things:

a) No toilet facilities

b) Waste bubbling up onto the back lawn thanks to the shallow sewerage

c) No chance of fixing it for at least 2 days

Did I mention that it was hot?  Perfect conditions for over-flowing sewerage.

#1Pop couldn't work out what all the fuss was about - and I quote -

"What are you worried about?  It's just a bit of s@&t?"

Followed by...

"Well you can cross toilet paper off your shopping list."

Maximum class on display to our US visitor as we hastily shifted inside.

#1Pop attempted to redeem himself when he presented #1Nana with her Christmas present.

It was the first one he'd ever bought her on his own, without me taking his credit card and organising the whole thing myself.

This became apparent when #1Nana opened the Happy Mothers Day card he had bought.

By his reasoning, it was a smart purchase at only 25 cents in the discount bin at the $2 shop.

And also, he had covered himself for the missed Mothers Day too (sometimes you need to know when to shut up, Dad).

There was much hushed silence and anticipation as we watched #1Nana open her first ever Christmas gift from #1Pop that I hadn't organised.

What would it be?

Had it also come from the 25 cent bin at the $2 shop?

In front of our visitor, who was now slightly less jovial than he had been upon arrival, #1Nana yanked her present out of the wrapping it had been sticky taped to.

She was smacked in the face by a set of three Genie Bras, slingshot style.

#1Pop proudly explained that he'd been watching late night TV a few weeks prior, and saw the Genie Bra ad and immediately called and ordered her a set.  Mostly because he really wanted the free pen on offer for the first 50 callers.

Said while smirking and continually clicking said pen.

As if he couldn't possibly make it any worse, he then said

"If I'd known the toilet would be out of action, I would've wrapped it in toilet paper and saved even more on the wrapping!"

To date, we have no idea what became of the American baseball player.

For some reason he never kept in touch.

Win a year's supply of Quilton

If you can top my heartwarming Christmas memory - and I sincerely hope you can - you could win a year's supply of Quilton.

For your chance to win, complete the entry form then comment below with 'I've shared my #QuiltonMostLoved moment'.

Terms and Conditions

• Entry is open to Australian residents only
• Only entries who complete all sections of the form will be deemed valid
• Entries close 11.59pm (AEST) Friday 31 January 2014
• Winner will be contacted via email Wednesday 5 February 2014
• Winner published on the Quilton Everyday Love Facebook page Friday 7 February 2014
• Prize is a one (1) year supply of Quilton, which equates to a maximum of 208 rolls
• By entering the competition, entrants give ABC Tissue Quilton permission to share/publish their comments/entry on the Quilton website and its social media channels
• The Quilton privacy policy can be found here

FYI - Winning a year's supply of Quilton will save you the equivalent of almost 18 Genie Bras.