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Friday, January 17, 2014

FFS!? Friday : Transformers

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"Transformers, robots in disguise.

Transformers, more than meets the eye"

Yes, yes they are.

They appear, to the untrained eye, to be a kids toy suitable from 4 years.

When, in actual fact, they are sadistic torture devices intended to stump and irritate parents on a global scale.

Optimus Prime, I've seen the cartoon.  I know you're supposed to be both robot and truck.  I mean, you are the head of the Transformers.  So why no TRANSFORM?  FFS!?

I can get you to a hybrid 'trobot' at best.  FFS!?

If that bloody head pops out of the roof (I'm assuming it's the roof - on my first few attempts it was more the boot) of the truck one more time, I may rip it off and stick it in the blender.  FFS!?

Why no instructions?

You know, for the intended 4 years and up (way, way up) who may possibly need them.  FFS!?

I have spent a ridiculous number of hours attempting to TRANSFORM the TRANSFORMER.  FFS!?

Either I am stupid have a faulty toy, or the bastard thing is double jointed, a superior genetically modified Transformer.  FFS!?

And Mstr5 won't let it go.  I've offered up Lego Chima and Skylanders with the pride of an architect having just created the next Eiffel Tower....only to be shot down in flames because bloody Optimus Prime's arm is pointing the wrong way, and his wheels are out of alignment.  FFS!?

This is my first foray into the world of Transformers.

Mstr5 received it for his birthday last week.  FFS!?

At the post Christmas sales I also purchased him a 5 pack for next Christmas.  FFS!?

Five times the swearing, tantrums and time wasting to look forward to.  FFS!?

I'm nothing if not early and committed to a theme.  FFS!?

While attempting to split the atom / transform the Transformer, I started saying "Motherfu..." so many times, catching myself before fully committing to the 'shed word' at the end, that Mstr5 now thinks Optimus Prime has a mother, and he wants that Transformer too.  FFS!?

I am considering jumping ship to the Decepticons.  I hear they are far easier to manipulate.




19 comments:

  1. Aren't toys made just to test out parents intelligence? Good on you for persevering!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, yes they are. And clearly I am not an intelligent person. Which I'm cool with, as long as they never let me near a Transformer again.

      Delete
  2. We got given a transformer once. I wanted to throw it out the window. We never could get it how it was supposed to be. Dumbest. Toys. Ever. -Aroha (stopping by from FYBF)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. #1Brother spent almost an hour trying to figure it out. In the end he got it. Kind of. He snapped part of it off and hid it. I plan to snap a tiny bit off every week and dispose of it, until there is nothing left.

      Delete
  3. lol we got our first range of boy toys this Christmas, and after 13 years of barbies and little pet shops boy toys are fricken AWESOME! Remote control cars, lots of tonka, super hero's, but not transformers thank god. I will make sure that cartoon never makes it onto our screens thanks to your post :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I though Transformers were 'Daddy' toys only. They were in my house. I was always happy to do the maths homework and the science projects but those damned Transformer things - definitely a 'Daddy' job.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I avoided all these toys this year as I know next christmas they will be top of the list!! I would pass these on to dad too!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Paper aeroplanes. Hugely under-rated in my opinion. Steer them towards paper aeroplanes. And a possible future career as a pilot (a mother can dream).

      Delete
  6. This is why my son knows all the ins and outs of these toys. If he didn't, he wouldn't own any!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He should do YouTube tutorials on how to work the bloody things. For the other kids who are clueless, like me...I mean Mstr5....like Mstr5.

      Delete
  7. Thank goodness we never had to do the Transformer thing, as much as my husband would have loved our daughter to be into them :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Monster High make your own dolls are almost as bad. Don't let her near those either.

      Delete
  8. LOL buy him a barbie doll and that can be the mother. Transformers never used to work for me even as a kid.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I should do that! He'll probably rip its head off and try and put it in an arm socket, in true Transformer style.

      Delete
  9. Been there, done that, got VERY frustrated and found the instructional videos online so my boys could figure it out themselves!!!

    Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know I didn't even bother trying to find instructions online. Excellent idea. Will print them out before he gets this year's Xmas present of a 5 pack of Transformers.

      Delete
  10. Yeah I love older brothers to help out their younger brothers with such toys, or even Daddy come home to the rescue for Mum who has no idea how the toys work :)

    ReplyDelete

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